In the process of separating from DH. We have DS19 and DD16, both in full-time education.
DH and I earn the same when working FT, but I went PT for 10years to be with the kids, save on childcare and also assist his elderly parents.
We own a house together. When we first met, I had about £25k of personal debt. I was later made redundant and had a payout, which I was planning to use to clear that debt. Instead, we used £15k of it for a house deposit and the rest for living expenses while I wasn’t working for 6months. During that time we lived with his parents rent-free and he was adding to the deposit pot from his earnings. By the time we bought the house, there was nearly £30k altogether.
Since then, we’ve split general household costs 50/50. I paid the debt repayments from my PT salary and often had nothing spare, sometimes resorting to credit cards just to get through the month. He, on the other hand, has been able to save. For big costs (holidays, house maintenance etc.) he’s generally covered them for the whole family.
I also homeschooled DD for 3 years (due to a mental health crisis), costing around £10k. I put that on a credit card (with DH’s agreement). The plan was to repay it from her higher education ISA in a few years (with her knowledge and consent), but in the meantime the debt is in my name and I’m paying the interest.
Money has been a big factor in our marriage and now we’re separating. For ease (and to keep things amicable), I’m leaning towards just splitting the house 50/50. I’d use my share to clear the debts and then we’d both go our separate ways.
But am I doing myself an injustice by not pushing for something like a 60/40 split, given that I’ll be leaving with debt while he has savings?
Worth saying: my debt is a mix of home-related stuff and, admittedly, my long-standing poor attitude to debt (it’s been part of my life since student days). I am really trying to get a grip on it now, but it feels unfair that I walk away with nothing while he walks away with savings.
Has anyone been in a similar position? What’s fair here?