AIBU to just split the house 50/50, even though I will walk away with debt & him with savings?

Minor point - please remember that the property assets will probably be passed down to your DC so provided you have enough for a decent home for you, it’s kind of less important than monthly CMS income.
Best wishes, it can be a tough process to get a fair deal.

@miserableaboutmoney the extra details don’t change anything. The debt/car/pensions are all marital assets. The £1000 loan to you I’m not sure.
You 100% do not take the debt as yours and split the assets, even from your own post you can see this makes no logical sense

Just remember his attitude when it comes to CMS and making sure he pays his way. You need to make sure he pays for his children

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

Read the Divorce and Separation guides on here to understand the legal starting point for a divorce, then get as much documentation for the pair of you as you can. Payslips, employment contracts, bank statements, pensions documents, ISAs, investments, loans, mortgage paperwork, etc.

Then get yourself to a decent solicitor.

Your posts reads as though your and your "D"H have separate finances, and like you don't actually know what you're entitled to. At least figure this out before you start giving stuff away, otherwise you'll be mad at yourself for years.

As a general rule in the UK, in absence of any specific legal documents e.g. a deed of trust for uneven house deposits, marriage makes everything 50/50.

He had a house before you married? Tough, that's now 50/50.
You had an inheritance from your mum? That's also now probably 50/50.
He has a pension because you facilitated him working FT? That too is 50/50.
You won the lottery? Unfortunately, on the balance sheet it will also be 50/50.

Other PP will tell you everything you need to know about how your PT work and your work in the home DOES have a value - and I fully agree. I'm here to tell you that you are legally entitled to 50% of all marital assets as a starting point, probably more if the kids are school age/in HE and living with you.

This is not about the path of least resistance, nor is it about gouging him. It is about getting what is fair and leaving with what you and the kids can reasonably survive and thrive on.

Don't sell yourself short.
The man you divorce is never the man you married.
Forget the past.
You added value and deserve your fair share.

Everything is split 50/50 including debt, savings, and equity in the house. He also can’t expect to be paid back for things he spent on you while married - the usual thing to do for the car is to return it and split the liability.

“Debts acquired before the marriage, I would be inclined to say are yours. And I think legally they are anyway.”

Whilst I would usually agree with this in most scenarios, I disagree in this situation. The OP has worked p/t during the marriage, looking after the children, whilst still contributing 50% of the household costs. All whilst her husband has been able to build up savings. Had he been fairer in splitting the household and children’s costs, the OP would have been able to pay off her debt.

You’d be mad to do this! You stepped back from a career for family reasons which enabled him to keep earning/progressing and saving. I presume he also paid in to a pension.

Please get proper legal advice and ensure things are split fairly to both of you. You’ll have a very poor old age if you don’t, and will struggle to make your half the house go far. He agreed the 10k debt due to homeschooling so needs to take responsibility for 50% of it.

A few awkward conversations now, and maybe some uncomfortable weeks in the house, will pay dividends. Don’t let him talk you into walking away with less than him.

He's financially abusive.

I think you’ve probably been financially abused for so long op that you’ve lost sight of which way is up.
i imagine a trip to a good solicitor will have you crying happy tears as someone explains to you your worth.

50/50 House, debt, pensions, savings. He sounds financially abusive.

No do not do it.

If he wants 50/50 then it’s for everything, including debt, savings, pension etc. he could save because he wasn’t paying 50% of full time childcare. He wasn’t paying half of your dcs home ed costs, he wasn’t covering bills in proportion to his earnings.

half of everything, not just the bits he wants.

Speak to a solicitor.

Your husband has been able to save due to a life that you have facilitated for him . His financial security is a direct result of your unpaid labour.
Everything (and I do mean everything) in to one pot and that number is split 50/50

He’s delusional and treating you like you’re stupid. Don’t accept anything he says. I’d even be tempted to get a forensic accountant.

Don't do it. You're entitled to a fair split which might mean more than 50% to you if the children are going to live with you, but 50% including debts, savings and pensions should be the starting point. It sounds like you're considering accepting less than 0%?? So your debt is greater than 50% of the equity?

1. That’s not how that works—you spent £1k of the marital assets; he didn’t “lend” it to you.
2. That’s not how that works—the car is a joint marital asset—it gets added to the marital asset pot to be split.
3. Good. You will get child maintenance.

You also need to look at pensions. Given the children’s ages I am not sure you would get more than 50% of the house assuming everything else split equally.

My sister and her ex divorced after over 25 years and their children were slightly older than yours. She had worked pt and my ex BIL FT. They split house 70/30 in favour of my sister as she put an inheritance in to pay off mortgage and she got 30% of his very good pension. They split savings and no debt and she kept her own small pension. That was amicable but my BIL earned a lot more than her.

Why would you do that? You need to itemise everything - assets and liabilities as they are all part of the household finances and then work out the equitable split. Might be 50:50, might not be but no point in just accepting a bad deal for no reason. You might not even get it signed off if it ends up being unnecessarily to your detriment.

Do NOT accept this. You should apply for half of everything including pensions. You took financial decisions together throughout your marriage. He managed the savings because he’s better with money; presumably you were sahm and home-educator and second smaller career because that’s how you both agreed things should be.

He doesn’t have a right to cash in now simply because he happens to be the one named on the account that contains the money.

Get a solicitor and take what’s owed to you.

Accidentally voted the wrong way - you’re completely unreasonable to split the house 50/50!
The major decisions you took were done within your marriage, the divorce needs to reflect that: debts, savings, the lot.
Please don’t short change yourself of many thousands of pounds just for “ease”.

I think everything should be 50/50 given the debt is family debt. So house 50/50, savings 50/50, debt 50/50

Why should you have to do worse financially to keep him amicable? If he can’t be amicable with a fair split, then that is on him and not on you.

Why would you walk away with less than you owed and have worked for unpaid or paid for the last few decades? That would be foolish. Your assets, pensions and debts, including cars all go in a pot. The starting point of that is 50/50 but there is a high chance you will actually be owed more as your earning potential as a result of you contributing more to the children’s upbringing is less. After that long a marriage you are due an equal retirement.

DO NOT WALK AWAY WITH LESS THAN YOU ARE DUE.

He doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of a marriage does he? Not surprised you are separating. YABVU to yourself if you split the house 50:50 and you take the hit with the debt. Sounds like a lot of the debt is tied with raising your children and providing a roof over their heads and he is therefore jointly responsible. Please get some good financial advice OP, don’t put yourself at detriment. Best of luck to you!