Page 8 | Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

Abracadabra12345 · 15/09/2025 15:49

arcticpandas · 15/09/2025 11:39

If my son came home and told me that a dad gently tapped him on his head to make him stop kicking around in the bus I would be dead angry...with my son.

Thank you. The first sensible response.

Bloody hell, no wonder kids get away with bad behaviour

Tkaequondo · 15/09/2025 15:49

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:46

Oh and re an adult, he'd have been able to reach their shoulder so would have tapped that. I imagine DH putting his hand between two chairs in the hope of tapping a shoulder would have had grave consequences.

But if you're on a moving bus, it is perfectly viable that you may aim for a shoulder and get a head.

Glad it's over anyway. Poor him, poor you, poor son. I won't say poor girl because she was obviously being a monumental pain in the ass.

Speckly · 15/09/2025 15:48

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 14:18

My school follows English national guidelines.

How do people not realise that teachers are not allowed to touch children?

I cant believe that people didnt know this?

Show quote history

Can you post the link to these guidelines please (from a bemused teacher).

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:48

Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers. My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

OP, if this happens just email the HT. Any half decent HT would speak to the parents or children involved making clear that this is not appropriate, that the school has dealt with the matter and all parties now need to agree to draw a line under it and move on in the best interests of all the children involved.

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 15:47

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:45

We're back. Sorry to some posters but there were no police circling, no SS to haul away the children, he's not barred from the premises and isn't officially barred from school trips (although I would fully expect him to not be needed if he offered. He won't).
Mom was suitably furious, DH suitably sorry, Head Teacher suitably humiliating (not a criticism, I think it's a far better approach than direct antagonism). He apologised to the child with their mother and teacher present at the parents request (i wasnt sure if we should approach or not).
Obviously they could still report it to the Police but it seems unlikely given what has been said all around.

I'm suitably humiliated that I'm going to the THAT woman of THAT man who did THAT THING. Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers.

My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

Thank you for those who have offered a levelled response and understanding that sometimes people fuck up

Show quote history

I think that is probably as good a result as you can have hoped for really. I’m sure you’ll all move on from this. People’s memories are short and new school gossip will emerge. Hopefully your husband has learned a lesson now and this can be put in the past.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:47

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 15:44

I'm really not on Booneymill's side, but they did say that they took - as in received - music lessons. Not that they taught them.

Show quote history

I have said she is a non music teacher ie she didn't teach music.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:46

Oh and re an adult, he'd have been able to reach their shoulder so would have tapped that. I imagine DH putting his hand between two chairs in the hope of tapping a shoulder would have had grave consequences.

OP posts:

Mumstheword1983 · 15/09/2025 15:45

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:40

Your school sounds lax and weird

Strange that the poster two posts above you said that her teacher friend touched a child, the parents claimed assault and the teacher had to quit.

But you can touch as many children as you want!

Show quote history

That post is absolutely correct. Worked in multiple schools where that's the case. It's not weird or lax- it's normal. Safe and nurturing and most of all appropriate.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:45

Doseofreality · 15/09/2025 14:10

So he was trying to sleep, got irritated by a child in front of him pushing her chair back, and reacted by reaching over the chair and “tapping” her on the head?

Would he have done the same if it was an adult sitting in front of him, pushing their child back?

The Head will have to do an external safeguarding report to the LA. Your Husband will be barred from the school premises. Expect concerns from school as to his behaviour at home.

We're back. Sorry to some posters but there were no police circling, no SS to haul away the children, he's not barred from the premises and isn't officially barred from school trips (although I would fully expect him to not be needed if he offered. He won't).
Mom was suitably furious, DH suitably sorry, Head Teacher suitably humiliating (not a criticism, I think it's a far better approach than direct antagonism). He apologised to the child with their mother and teacher present at the parents request (i wasnt sure if we should approach or not).
Obviously they could still report it to the Police but it seems unlikely given what has been said all around.

I'm suitably humiliated that I'm going to the THAT woman of THAT man who did THAT THING. Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers.

My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

Thank you for those who have offered a levelled response and understanding that sometimes people fuck up

OP posts:

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:44

MaturingCheeseball · 15/09/2025 15:35

I know someone who had been a primary school teacher for 35 years. She was trying to get a recalcitrant boy to line up, and put her hands on his shoulders and went “choo choo!!” (train noise) guiding him along. The next thing she knew was being summoned to the head as the boys’ parents were claiming assault and had called the police. She just quit. She said it was a horrible end to a career she had loved.

That's awful. In every school I've worked in the member of staff would have had the full support of the Leadership team in this scenario. You will always get some parents who overreact to incidents, and of course any allegations have to be investigated but LT have a duty of care towards staff and it's really sad that your friend didn't feel supported enough to remain in her role.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 15:44

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:35

You are obviously determined to be right about this too, aren't you? Now here's another question for you. How come, if you can teach music without touching pupils, do hundreds of music teachers across the country touch their pupils when teaching positioning, rather than adopting your approach, as a non music teacher, of describing to them how to position themselves?

Show quote history

I'm really not on Booneymill's side, but they did say that they took - as in received - music lessons. Not that they taught them.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:43

METimezone · 15/09/2025 15:39

I am completely non-plussed by all of this. I have a child younger than Y4 and if their teacher called me with this story, my reaction would be to tell my child off for deliberately (physically) annoying someone to try to get a reaction. It's silly kids stuff, of course, but not nice or polite and needs nipping in the bud.

The phrase, "well, you were looking for a reaction and you got one (and you're lucky that was the only reaction you got)" would probably be used.

What a fuss about nothing.

Thank-you for posting this. I ran through in my mind what I would have done if my DD had come home telling me this and I would have responded in the same way.

Tkaequondo · 15/09/2025 15:41

I think it will be fine ultimately. He just needs to apologize, say he leaned over the seat to tap her on the shoulder and accidentally tapped her on the head instead, not a reprimand tap, a "hello, please stop that" tap.

End of story.

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:41

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Edited

Show quote history

Your side only makes sense if you ignore safeguarding legislation, multi-agency child protection processes and accepted definitions of language.

So are you ever going to link to the national guidance that you mentioned upthread which states all school staff are forbidden from making physical contact with pupils?

Also still really interested to know which training provider it was who told you that the way physical abuse is currently defined in UK law is wrong and that anyone who touches a child for any reason is guilt of abuse.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 15:41

MaturingCheeseball · 15/09/2025 15:35

I know someone who had been a primary school teacher for 35 years. She was trying to get a recalcitrant boy to line up, and put her hands on his shoulders and went “choo choo!!” (train noise) guiding him along. The next thing she knew was being summoned to the head as the boys’ parents were claiming assault and had called the police. She just quit. She said it was a horrible end to a career she had loved.

That's so sad.

Qwickwit · 15/09/2025 15:40

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Edited

Show quote history

But .. most of us aren't saying children should be touched by strange adults?

We're saying that your sweeping statements that anyone who has touched a child has abused them, and that schools are bound by (as yet unevidenced) legislation that means that any staff member who touches a child for any reason will be fired (and you claim in one comment any teacher would be banned from teaching for life?!) are both untrue and ridiculous

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:40

KsbskGVDKDbs · 15/09/2025 15:36

I’m a teacher, we definitely aren’t fired for touching children! Hugs, high fives, holding hands for certain children to move between areas etc are all normal, particularly with the younger year groups. I have had multiple children in my class over the year where “positive touch” is written in their EHCPs as a calming technique.

I wouldn’t expect the police to be interested in this. The head will likely gather a statement from your husband for their records. It is possible he may be given a school site ban and will not be allowed on future trips.

Your school sounds lax and weird

Strange that the poster two posts above you said that her teacher friend touched a child, the parents claimed assault and the teacher had to quit.

But you can touch as many children as you want!

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 15:39

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:17

No I certainly will not admit i am wrong. Because I am not wrong.

I have had special needs students and i have never once touched them

Why doesnt your daughter's violin teacher touch violin, not her? There is no need for him to touch your daughter

Show quote history

Never had an SEN child under your care try to stab another with a pair of scissors, do a runner, or stab their own hand with a pencil to see what happens? That's fucking lucky for you!

If you were walking next to a child having a horseriding lesson, and the child wobbled towards you, would you step out of the way so that they can fall without touching you?

I can only assume that you work somewhere where other adults are always the ones actually in charge of the children, and that you've had such sweeping statement safeguarding advice because your role is in fact to stay the hell away from children.

METimezone · 15/09/2025 15:39

I am completely non-plussed by all of this. I have a child younger than Y4 and if their teacher called me with this story, my reaction would be to tell my child off for deliberately (physically) annoying someone to try to get a reaction. It's silly kids stuff, of course, but not nice or polite and needs nipping in the bud.

The phrase, "well, you were looking for a reaction and you got one (and you're lucky that was the only reaction you got)" would probably be used.

What a fuss about nothing.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 15:39

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Edited

Show quote history

You are have repeatedly stated that any teacher (not a stranger) who touches any child would be instantly sacked. You have been told by working teachers that that is patently untrue but continue to insist it is.

prelovedusername · 15/09/2025 15:37

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:26

I have no issue about him accidentally dozing next to our 10 year old on a coach full of people. He certainly isn't the first parent and won't be the last. I mean I wouldn't say "make sure you get your head down for a nap babe" but it also isn't reprimand territory. If he'd got other kids with him, I'd feel different I've certainly dozed off sitting at home with my 10 year old and wouldn't expect him to come in and tell me off.

Show quote history

At home of course not, but he was there 1 to 1 with your DS so presumably there’s a need? Not the point of my post anyway.
I’m saying don’t get into a panic reading some of these responses. People get a bit hysterical.

KsbskGVDKDbs · 15/09/2025 15:36

I’m a teacher, we definitely aren’t fired for touching children! Hugs, high fives, holding hands for certain children to move between areas etc are all normal, particularly with the younger year groups. I have had multiple children in my class over the year where “positive touch” is written in their EHCPs as a calming technique.

I wouldn’t expect the police to be interested in this. The head will likely gather a statement from your husband for their records. It is possible he may be given a school site ban and will not be allowed on future trips.

diddlysquatagain · 15/09/2025 15:35

Speckly · 15/09/2025 15:30

It’s very easy for me to say calm down and stop overthinking because in the circumstances I’d be exactly the same as you. However, I’m a teacher and my experience would be the teacher speaking to him would have been the end of it, had parents not then complained. I imagine the head has placated them by saying she’ll have a stern word with your husband. BUT there’s no way this meets the threshold for police or social services so nobody is losing their job etc! If either of these services were being called, they’d be on your doorstep by now, they wouldn’t be pre-warning him through a meeting with the head teacher. Your husband will just have to go in, suck it up, agree he was in the wrong and apologise.
Whilst I understand he shouldn’t have touched her, it does seem to be a mountain out of a molehill if all he did was tap her head to get her attention… where was the adult who was supposed to be supervising her while she was ramming her seat into his knees? Not doing their job obviously. Are they being spoken to because I doubt it? I also wonder what ‘training’ your husband given as a parent helper? Perhaps the school should be looking at that too.
I’m not making any excuses for your husband. He shouldn’t have touched her but he knows that. This does all seem to be a bit OTT to me but as I said, I’d guess it’s to placate the other parents. Not a nice situation for you but please don’t stress too much.

This!

MaturingCheeseball · 15/09/2025 15:35

I know someone who had been a primary school teacher for 35 years. She was trying to get a recalcitrant boy to line up, and put her hands on his shoulders and went “choo choo!!” (train noise) guiding him along. The next thing she knew was being summoned to the head as the boys’ parents were claiming assault and had called the police. She just quit. She said it was a horrible end to a career she had loved.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:35

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:28

'How ever could you possibly position a pupil's face and hands on the violin without touching their head and arms?"

By telling them.

As I already wrote, i did a lot of music lessons. My teachers never ONCE touched me.

Show quote history

You are obviously determined to be right about this too, aren't you? Now here's another question for you. How come, if you can teach music without touching pupils, do hundreds of music teachers across the country touch their pupils when teaching positioning, rather than adopting your approach, as a non music teacher, of describing to them how to position themselves?