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Original poster

Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

792 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:25

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

OP posts:
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8
Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:04

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Edited
Show quote history

But, my DH notwithstanding, we're talking about adults responsible for their care. The teacher, TA, Scout Leader etc. Not a stranger.

But even with strangers it needs context

I was at soft pla. Crying child. Clearly lost their adult. I spoke to them and held their hand so we could walk around looking for their adult. Found their adult. Had their adult started going on about me abusing their child is have assumed they needed MH support.

OP posts:
Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:02

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 16:00

I think the point @Booneymil is that people have repeatedly posted links to safeguarding guidance which is more balanced than what you’re saying English (possibly British) schools are using and you’re saying it’s wrong. You’ve been asked repeatedly to post links to what you’re referring to, and haven’t / can’t.

I'm not posting links because i am on holiday this week
and i can't see any work/training materials from my holiday location

I cannot access the training materials. Ask me next week when i am back at work, and I will be able to.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 16:01

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:45

We're back. Sorry to some posters but there were no police circling, no SS to haul away the children, he's not barred from the premises and isn't officially barred from school trips (although I would fully expect him to not be needed if he offered. He won't).
Mom was suitably furious, DH suitably sorry, Head Teacher suitably humiliating (not a criticism, I think it's a far better approach than direct antagonism). He apologised to the child with their mother and teacher present at the parents request (i wasnt sure if we should approach or not).
Obviously they could still report it to the Police but it seems unlikely given what has been said all around.

I'm suitably humiliated that I'm going to the THAT woman of THAT man who did THAT THING. Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers.

My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

Thank you for those who have offered a levelled response and understanding that sometimes people fuck up

Show quote history

Hi OP

Whilst I’ve said I didn’t think it was appropriate for your husband to tap the child, I can’t think it’ll be remembered for more than 5 mins.

The head had to deal with it because it was an incident but everyone will move past it soon enough I’m sure

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:00

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:41

Your side only makes sense if you ignore safeguarding legislation, multi-agency child protection processes and accepted definitions of language.

So are you ever going to link to the national guidance that you mentioned upthread which states all school staff are forbidden from making physical contact with pupils?

Also still really interested to know which training provider it was who told you that the way physical abuse is currently defined in UK law is wrong and that anyone who touches a child for any reason is guilt of abuse.

Show quote history

You are completely wrong and this thread is sick and weird. I can't believe that i am one of the of the only adults on this thread saying that children should not be touched by adults.

It is disgusting

UndoneProgress · 15/09/2025 16:00

CapriceDeDieux · 15/09/2025 15:58

Attempt no. 2
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

  • Schools should not have a ‘no touch’ policy. It is often necessary or desirable for a teacher to touch a child (e.g. dealing with accidents or teaching musical instruments).
Show quote history

I suspect you are wasting your time. Many people have posted links. But that poster is unable to post a link to her ‘national guidance’ re no touching.

I don’t know why she just can’t graciously admit that the rules in her school are different to some other schools and leave it at that.

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 16:00

I think the point @Booneymil is that people have repeatedly posted links to safeguarding guidance which is more balanced than what you’re saying English (possibly British) schools are using and you’re saying it’s wrong. You’ve been asked repeatedly to post links to what you’re referring to, and haven’t / can’t.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Please do not swear at me. It is offensive, weak, and unnecessary. The tone of most of your posts this afternoon is making me question whether you are capable of courtesy.

The person who hasn't been reading the thread is you. I have asked you to explain how your expertise as a music student equips you to be better informed about how to teach instruments. Never have I said you are a music teacher.

You have been obtuse and provocative to numerous people on this thread, and are stonewalling when given opportunities to evidence your assertions. I have asked you a direct question. The ball is in your court to respond.

JohnBullshit · 15/09/2025 15:59

OP, I've been that parent wondering if others are looking at me because of something my DH was alleged to have said to a child who was bullying ours. I was there, and he didn't say it, but he still had to go in to discuss it with the head, and it was the talk of the wash-house until everyone remembered the parent complaining was as lax as you could be without being hauled in for neglect. Maybe she was, I wouldn't know. Anyway. They talk, then they forget. If the details get out, you'll probably find as many supporters as detractors, but it's probably safer not to be drawn into discussion.

CapriceDeDieux · 15/09/2025 15:58

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:56

Can you post a link to guidelines which shows that teachers ARE allowed to touch minors in secondary schools?

I wait for your links

Also is this real life? Are teachers actually saying this?

Edited
Show quote history

Attempt no. 2
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

  • Schools should not have a ‘no touch’ policy. It is often necessary or desirable for a teacher to touch a child (e.g. dealing with accidents or teaching musical instruments).

School discipline: new guidance for teachers

The Department for Education publishes the final, clearer guidance for teachers on how they should deal with bad behaviour in schools.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:57

XWKD · 15/09/2025 15:56

I was touched by music teachers. Sometimes it's necessary. It depends on the skill being taught.

Show quote history

I disagree. There is no need at all.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:57

neverbeenskiing · 15/09/2025 15:48

Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers. My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

OP, if this happens just email the HT. Any half decent HT would speak to the parents or children involved making clear that this is not appropriate, that the school has dealt with the matter and all parties now need to agree to draw a line under it and move on in the best interests of all the children involved.

TBF she would. She was upset I was so upset and I've left her today cos I could feel myself getting emotional again. Unfortunately I'm currently in my crying stage. Anger. Pain. Sadness. Happiness. Stress
It all ends in tears

OP posts:
Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:56

Speckly · 15/09/2025 15:48

Can you post the link to these guidelines please (from a bemused teacher).

Show quote history

Can you post a link to guidelines which shows that teachers ARE allowed to touch minors in secondary schools?

I wait for your links

Also is this real life? Are teachers actually saying this?

XWKD · 15/09/2025 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I was touched by music teachers. Sometimes it's necessary. It depends on the skill being taught.

Brindlegirl · 15/09/2025 15:55

I suppose it's too much to expect that the child also had to apologise for the behaviour which caused the incident in the first place.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 15/09/2025 15:55

He will be fine. The police aren’t going to charge him for a tap. He might just be asked not to supervise trips anymore (if parents are angry) or to mind his hands in future (if they’re not fussed).

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:54

GinAndJuice99 · 15/09/2025 15:50

Was it a 'gentle tap' though? That's the one thing we've never really got to the bottom of.

Show quote history

Well because I imagine it's hard to make an accurate measure of force lost eventually. DH intended it to be a gentle tap to get their attention. It was the only part of them he could safely touch. They disagree it was gentle, confounded by the fact they were surprised it happened and only knew DH as The Dad Of.... so there was an emotional side of the "force" too. School have pointed out that frankly it doesn't matter how hard it was because he shouldn't have done it.

OP posts:
Tkaequondo · 15/09/2025 15:53

Jesus wept.

CapriceDeDieux · 15/09/2025 15:53

3pears · 15/09/2025 14:16

That’s so sad. What a horrible and clinical school you must work at. I had a very distressed 5 year old in class today. She was so upset she was hurting herself. She wanted a hug and so she sat on my knee and I held her as she calmed down. The TA was right there so I wasn’t alone with the child. I couldn’t possibly watch a distressed small child cry and cry and just not offer comfort.

Show quote history

It's simply not true. Not least because it would be impossible to enforce

"Schools should not have a ‘no touch’ policy. It is often necessary or desirable for a teacher to touch a child (e.g. dealing with accidents or teaching musical instruments)."
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

School discipline: new guidance for teachers

The Department for Education publishes the final, clearer guidance for teachers on how they should deal with bad behaviour in schools.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 15:52

GinAndJuice99 · 15/09/2025 15:50

Was it a 'gentle tap' though? That's the one thing we've never really got to the bottom of.

Show quote history

He told the OP that it was with a single finger with the intention to get the child's attention, not with the intention of the tap being the reprimand. I'd say we've gotten as far along "to the bottom of it" as we can do on Mumsnet.

Ratafia · 15/09/2025 15:52

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 13:12

Because the young child in nursery has to be helped physically.

There is a legitmate reason to touch the child. Helping with feeding, changing nappies etc

Show quote history

That same child may need the same help a week or two later when they go into Reception. Do they just get ignored In your school? Have they heard of their duty to make rasonable adjustments for disability?

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:51

METimezone · 15/09/2025 15:39

I am completely non-plussed by all of this. I have a child younger than Y4 and if their teacher called me with this story, my reaction would be to tell my child off for deliberately (physically) annoying someone to try to get a reaction. It's silly kids stuff, of course, but not nice or polite and needs nipping in the bud.

The phrase, "well, you were looking for a reaction and you got one (and you're lucky that was the only reaction you got)" would probably be used.

What a fuss about nothing.

Didn't help that school dealt with DH immediately (spoke to him, he apologised to teacher) and reported it to the head immediately (elsewhere on the trip) but in the chaos of home time didn't tell the parent
School always intended to call Dad in today, but they heard it from their child that DH has hit them, not the original conversation from school that DH had tapped them. So didn't feel school cared, adding to their anger. School obviously accept their lapse in speaking to the parent at pick up but they obviously know we've been in today.

OP posts:
WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 15:51

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

Edited
Show quote history

Which is great as a general rule of thumb. lt's also not what you were arguing earlier.

Apropos of nothing, humour me with a hypothetical situation. You see a child running away from their adult in the street. The child is about to run onto a busy road. The adult who looks like they know the child is too far behind to be able to reach them in time. You are between the child and the road, and you could do something to stop the child from ending up in the road. Everything that you could do, would mean that you, a strange adult, made some form of physical contact with the child. You could choose to make sure that you don't touch the child and let them take their chances with the oncoming traffic. WWYD?

GinAndJuice99 · 15/09/2025 15:50

Abracadabra12345 · 15/09/2025 15:49

Thank you. The first sensible response.

Bloody hell, no wonder kids get away with bad behaviour

Show quote history

Was it a 'gentle tap' though? That's the one thing we've never really got to the bottom of.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lazyarse123 · 15/09/2025 15:50

I'm so glad it's been dealt with sensibly. Hopefully the rumours mill won't kick in. I think some pp were overreacting with talk of abuse and assault.