Page 6 | Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

CustardySergeant · 15/09/2025 16:25

Ratafia · 15/09/2025 16:15

No, she wouldn't.

I think your response to all of this is very much coloured by the fact that you teach older children, for whom rather different considerations apply. Have you ever taught in a Primary School?

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She's not a teacher.

Catpiece · 15/09/2025 16:20

I’m surprised he wasn’t given 40 lashes in front of the whole school and then made to do cross country on one leg as reparations for his heinous crime.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 16:19

ParmaVioletTea · 15/09/2025 16:18

I don't even know how I'm going to face school, wondering who the year 4 child is, wondering if her parents are going to acost me at school.

But @ToddlerIs2 their daughter was misbehaving and sounds like she was bullying your son. Your DH asked her to stop several times, and she continued her aggressive behaviour. They're the ones who should be ashamed.

Where was she bullying the son?! I thought she was annoying the DH.

ParmaVioletTea · 15/09/2025 16:18

I don't even know how I'm going to face school, wondering who the year 4 child is, wondering if her parents are going to acost me at school.

But @ToddlerIs2 their daughter was misbehaving and sounds like she was bullying your son. Your DH asked her to stop several times, and she continued her aggressive behaviour. They're the ones who should be ashamed.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:18

How does one sleep with a sleep of entitlement? Physically he couldn't have woken up with a lurch and started slapping this girl around the head, positionally speaking. He woke because she was jumping about in her seat so he lent over and tapped her.
I can see that you're certain you've pegged him correctly as a mysigonistic abuser of females, angered that his manly rights were interrupted and so started lashing out in vengeance
You're wrong

OP posts:

3pears · 15/09/2025 16:17

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:56

Can you post a link to guidelines which shows that teachers ARE allowed to touch minors in secondary schools?

I wait for your links

Also is this real life? Are teachers actually saying this?

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Yes they are.

are you a qualified teacher? Do you not find it odd that not one qualified teacher on here has agreed with you that touching children is not abuse? Do you not see how that statement completely minimises actual child abuse.

there are many situations where a child may need to be touched in high school.

medical needs- support with changing, hoists, self care

sensory needs- hand over hand guidance for blind children, positioning hands for braille and tactile resources, sighted guidance for mobility

physical violence- safely restraining pupils from hurting themselves or others

Do you actually teach? It’s baffling you wouldn’t have considered these reasons. You’d be an incredibly neglectful teacher if you refused to touch children and just let them be injured, unable to learn or needing self care.

from what you’ve said about backing away from children and what you’re parroting about touching children being abuse proving you absolutely didn’t pay attention in safe guarding training, I don’t think education is for you.

someone further up has posted the links you requested by the way. I think we’re all still waiting for yours

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 16:16

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:14

You honestly can't imagine ever taping someone for their attention? I know he was wrong but it's odd to suggest that no one has ever tapped someone for attention without dull intention of assaulting them is a bit extreme. It was her head because they were all seated in seatbelts so he put his hand over the top of the chair. Putting it between and taking a shoulder or arm would have people accusing him of trying molest her.

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People are suggesting that tapping someone on the head for their attention is extremely unusual and that if you’re also irritated by the person you are tapping, it’s probably not pleasant and not just for attention. There is an element of reprimand to it.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 15/09/2025 16:16

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:20

Rubbish.

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Not at all. I was reprimanded for a child walking into my outstretched arm, blocking a hallway. I didn't initiate it. But still got a warning.

Ratafia · 15/09/2025 16:15

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 13:33

You are thinking of the kids. Again thats very naive.

The teacher would lose her job if she hugged the kids. Are you happy for her to lose her job?

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No, she wouldn't.

I think your response to all of this is very much coloured by the fact that you teach older children, for whom rather different considerations apply. Have you ever taught in a Primary School?

PrissyGalore · 15/09/2025 16:15

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:02

I'm not posting links because i am on holiday this week
and i can't see any work/training materials from my holiday location

I cannot access the training materials. Ask me next week when i am back at work, and I will be able to.

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You have constantly asked posters to provide links. Yet when you’re asked to do so you say you’re on holiday? Funny-I thought all the schools were back.

TATT2 · 15/09/2025 16:15

Was it a lean over the seat and tap on the head to draw her attention? Presumably he didn't know her name? If that's the case I feel sorry for him.
I'm more concerened that he fell asleep actually.

Skybluepinky · 15/09/2025 16:14

How stupid of him, 1 2 1 with your child and dozing off!!!! Utter madness then touching a child because they annoyed him, the very least would be told not welcome at school events, could be more serious of her parents take it further, he need an anger management course and some parenting lessons.

atinydropofcherrysherry · 15/09/2025 16:14

arcticpandas · 15/09/2025 11:39

If my son came home and told me that a dad gently tapped him on his head to make him stop kicking around in the bus I would be dead angry...with my son.

This. Little brats left to do anything

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:14

OnePinkButter · 15/09/2025 13:15

I’ve been on lots of school trips.
I’ve had to tell kids off when they’re misbehaving. Including kids right in front of me on the coach. I’ve swapped kids around cause they egg each other on and just better to separate.

I’ve never once touched a child to get their attention. I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with this, I’d touch their arm etc if I needed to get their attention and was struggling. A tap on the head is such a weird thing to do. I think it probably was a little slap - tapping on the head to get attention doesn’t even sound like a thing a person would do. Though slapping them is, though obviously wrong. It’s much more plausible. It’s just too weird to tap someone on head.

I’ve seen grandparents on trips and they manage not to fall asleep on the coach despite their old age. It all reflects very badly on him. It looks like in his very entitled manner he fell asleep, then woke with a start and slapped a girl on the head for being naughty / mucking around. It’s certainly the most plausible scenario.

I doubt they’ll ban you , but I expect he won’t be permitted on school trips or allowed on school grounds.

Edited

You honestly can't imagine ever taping someone for their attention? I know he was wrong but it's odd to suggest that no one has ever tapped someone for attention without dull intention of assaulting them is a bit extreme. It was her head because they were all seated in seatbelts so he put his hand over the top of the chair. Putting it between and taking a shoulder or arm would have people accusing him of trying molest her.

OP posts:

ParmaVioletTea · 15/09/2025 16:14

So this girl was deliberately being annoying to your DS and DH? And your DS has additional needs, thus needing a 1-2-1?

Sounds like the girl was behaving like a bully.

Your DH reprimanded her. Her parents should be ashamed.

anyolddinosaur · 15/09/2025 16:12

If it was a tap on the head this is a load of fuss about very little. He shouldnt have done it, the kid should not have been playing up. Presumably this child had another child next to them who could have been asked about it too.

A female child hit by a parent is likely to have started crying if actually hurt, makes me think they were just shocked. Probably the sort of parents who have never checked their behaviour.

SomersetBrie · 15/09/2025 16:12

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 15:34

I would rather be on the side of
"children should NOT be touched by strange adults"

Then on the side of "children should be touched by strange adults".

My side makes more sense.

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I wouldn't consider DCs' teachers to be strange adults, I'd be happy enough for them to touch them if the situation warranted it.

It is a bit different in a secondary school but this thread isn't about that.

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 16:12

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:08

My friend is in the child's class so hopefully if something is being said I'll know
Not to approach the Mom, DH is beyond unconfrintational which is why I guess I was worried about Dad turning up (I don't know the family but we do school in an area the mothers have certainly set-to in the school yard before) and I'm more likely to cry then anything else 🙄🙄 .

The whole day has just been so utterly humiliating

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@ToddlerIs2 I am sure lots of us are imagining just how you feel at the moment. Remember schools are busy all the time. Tomorrow, this will seem much smaller than it does today and the head will be onto something new.

DramaLlamacchiato · 15/09/2025 16:12

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:24

And I'm thinking now what if she embellished and adds fabrication to what happened because frankly whilst most kids wouldn't, I work with kids. Some would. Fuck. If she's emotional and telling her parents and they're asking leading questions she could tell them anything and our lives would be ruined because he's an idiot.

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Come on now. Your lives aren’t going to be ruined because your husband (a parent so not there in a safeguarding role)tapped a child on the head on a school trip. Give over.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 16:10

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 16:04

So we’ve heard how dh was dealt with
Was there any discussion on guidance for the kid in terms of appropriate behaviour on a school trip. Will the parents need to attend in future to keep them under control.
Or anything at all ??

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Of course not, the child’s behaviour was badly managed - the OP’s DH had to flag to a teacher so they could deal with it appropriately and failed to do so.

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 16:10

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 16:00

You are completely wrong and this thread is sick and weird. I can't believe that i am one of the of the only adults on this thread saying that children should not be touched by adults.

It is disgusting

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Your understanding is very black and white

Its clear from the many professionals who have posted here and the links that your understanding is incorrect

I hope you enjoy a good rest on your holiday and I’m sure @GlastoNinja will be back to remind you of that info that all the teachers on here,I’m sure, would love to see

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 16:08

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 16:01

Hi OP

Whilst I’ve said I didn’t think it was appropriate for your husband to tap the child, I can’t think it’ll be remembered for more than 5 mins.

The head had to deal with it because it was an incident but everyone will move past it soon enough I’m sure

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My friend is in the child's class so hopefully if something is being said I'll know
Not to approach the Mom, DH is beyond unconfrintational which is why I guess I was worried about Dad turning up (I don't know the family but we do school in an area the mothers have certainly set-to in the school yard before) and I'm more likely to cry then anything else 🙄🙄 .

The whole day has just been so utterly humiliating

OP posts:

Ratafia · 15/09/2025 16:05

OnePinkButter · 15/09/2025 13:15

I’ve been on lots of school trips.
I’ve had to tell kids off when they’re misbehaving. Including kids right in front of me on the coach. I’ve swapped kids around cause they egg each other on and just better to separate.

I’ve never once touched a child to get their attention. I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with this, I’d touch their arm etc if I needed to get their attention and was struggling. A tap on the head is such a weird thing to do. I think it probably was a little slap - tapping on the head to get attention doesn’t even sound like a thing a person would do. Though slapping them is, though obviously wrong. It’s much more plausible. It’s just too weird to tap someone on head.

I’ve seen grandparents on trips and they manage not to fall asleep on the coach despite their old age. It all reflects very badly on him. It looks like in his very entitled manner he fell asleep, then woke with a start and slapped a girl on the head for being naughty / mucking around. It’s certainly the most plausible scenario.

I doubt they’ll ban you , but I expect he won’t be permitted on school trips or allowed on school grounds.

Edited

Must admit I'm laughing at the concept of someone falling asleep in a "very entitled manner". How can you be "entitled" about a normal physiological and largely involuntary reaction to being tired which happens to, well, virtually everyone? If I fall asleep next time I flog up on the 200 mile coach journey to my in-laws, will I be being entitled?

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 16:04

What’s your response to the many links that people have shared, saying touching isn’t banned in the school setting? It’s not just random people saying this, it’s official documentation

Edited to say that’s to @ Booneymill

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 16:04

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 15:45

We're back. Sorry to some posters but there were no police circling, no SS to haul away the children, he's not barred from the premises and isn't officially barred from school trips (although I would fully expect him to not be needed if he offered. He won't).
Mom was suitably furious, DH suitably sorry, Head Teacher suitably humiliating (not a criticism, I think it's a far better approach than direct antagonism). He apologised to the child with their mother and teacher present at the parents request (i wasnt sure if we should approach or not).
Obviously they could still report it to the Police but it seems unlikely given what has been said all around.

I'm suitably humiliated that I'm going to the THAT woman of THAT man who did THAT THING. Suitably concerned that either parent are going to make life difficult at drop off / pick up esp given she hangs out with one of DS's peers mothers.

My only concern now is that is doesn't impact on DS and he doesn't suffer any bullying from it.

Thank you for those who have offered a levelled response and understanding that sometimes people fuck up

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So we’ve heard how dh was dealt with
Was there any discussion on guidance for the kid in terms of appropriate behaviour on a school trip. Will the parents need to attend in future to keep them under control.
Or anything at all ??