Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

792 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:25

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:51

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:46

Also what was the child doing - bumping off the seat in front or something like that? It’s far from the crime of the century and seems like it was something that irritated your DH rather than anything too serious, unless I’ve misunderstood?

Yeah, he's tall so his knees haven't got any room, she was bumping the seat backwards then looking through the gap for a reaction so intentionally annoying but not dangerous per SE assuming she still had her her seatbelt on. Teacher definitely would have told her to sit still if he'd spoken to them, and probably would have made her move if she kept it up cos they're obviously meant to be sitting bums on chair. So could have been resolved by him tattling

OP posts:
Paganpentacle · 15/09/2025 11:50

Kinell.
Police? For tapping someone on the head??
🙄

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 15/09/2025 11:49

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:48

Would you push for the police to prosecute him for child abuse / assault or whatever the charge is?

Show quote history

Sorry but I think getting the police involved would be utterly bonkers

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:48

cupfinalchaos · 15/09/2025 11:34

If it was on the child’s arm I’d find that completely fine, but tapping someone on the head to me is aggressive and unacceptable. I wouldn’t be happy.

Would you push for the police to prosecute him for child abuse / assault or whatever the charge is?

OP posts:
GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 11:48

tinyspiny · 15/09/2025 11:45

I think it’s likely that he may be banned from future trips and I’d be pretty cross if one of my kids came home from a trip and said ‘Xs dad hit me on the head ‘

That’s not what the OP said, he tapped her on the head.

AllTheChaos · 15/09/2025 11:48

GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 11:46

For real? Who’d work with kids nowadays? A child is behaving like a twat and ignoring verbal requests of an adult sitting behind them so he taps their head to get their attention and tell them to behave, then it’s him who gets in bother.

What a world we live in.

Yep. I am completely opposed to corporal punishment, but tapping a child to get their attention when they are misbehaving seems eminently reasonable.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:48

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:46

DS is year 6, I always go with him but had an injury and school wouldn't allow me but DH went with reception last ye and yr 4 the year before that bad never had an issue. He's so bloody stupid. Like rule one. Don't touch someone's kid. He knows I'm angry. He's sorry
Fuck.

Show quote history

Sorry, I’m responding to other posters who seem to think what your DH did is fine. I get that you see the problems with it. Did the teacher who spoke to your DH see what happened and what did they say?

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 15/09/2025 11:47

sorry but I wouldn’t overreact about this. School trips can be stressful, a bus load of children is stressful, and lively, and he asked her multiple times to stop and it was an action lacking judgement but he has apologised and it won’t happen again

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:46

Also what was the child doing - bumping off the seat in front or something like that? It’s far from the crime of the century and seems like it was something that irritated your DH rather than anything too serious, unless I’ve misunderstood?

LoveWine123 · 15/09/2025 11:46

I think everything here depends on the actual action of your husband. Is it touching, is is gently tapping, is it hitting? What exactly did he do? Which word was used by him and by school? Your title is written in a very inflammatory way.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:46

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 11:40

Assuming that one of you always has to accompany your son on school trips, I would think the Head wants to see him just to make sure he properly understands the rules.

Calling the police would be absolutely ridiculous if it really was just a tap and a 'please stop doing that'. There must have been loads of people around him and the girl that would have been aware of what had happened (or unaware of a very minor event!).

DS is year 6, I always go with him but had an injury and school wouldn't allow me but DH went with reception last ye and yr 4 the year before that bad never had an issue. He's so bloody stupid. Like rule one. Don't touch someone's kid. He knows I'm angry. He's sorry
Fuck.

OP posts:
GlastoNinja · 15/09/2025 11:46

For real? Who’d work with kids nowadays? A child is behaving like a twat and ignoring verbal requests of an adult sitting behind them so he taps their head to get their attention and tell them to behave, then it’s him who gets in bother.

What a world we live in.

tinyspiny · 15/09/2025 11:45

I think it’s likely that he may be banned from future trips and I’d be pretty cross if one of my kids came home from a trip and said ‘Xs dad hit me on the head ‘

Figcherry · 15/09/2025 11:44

BeLilacSloth · 15/09/2025 11:40

Hopefully School would have called the Police, absolutely discusting of him to touch another child while supervising.

You're ridiculous.

Figcherry · 15/09/2025 11:43

I imagine a sensible head teacher will remind him not to touch children unless they're about to injure themselves.
I wouldn't worry. You're not likely to be penalised for something your dh has done.

NotABiscuitInSight · 15/09/2025 11:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:40

arcticpandas · 15/09/2025 11:39

If my son came home and told me that a dad gently tapped him on his head to make him stop kicking around in the bus I would be dead angry...with my son.

That may be the case for your son, who you know - you know what they are capable of in terms of behaviour, you’d have the chance to ask about the level of force used etc. Lots of variables and not all parents would feel the same as you.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:40

Gardendiary · 15/09/2025 11:31

Well assuming he was a parent helper I would expect him never to be allowed on any more trips, probably for the school to review the instructions and training they give to any other parent helpers. The Head will probably want to tell him how inappropriate his actions were. I suppose the parents could go to the police if they were that way inclined, but I think most parents would probably just direct their anger to the school.
What a wally - I can see why you are annoyed.

Edited

I'm SO angry. And he's said sorry to me, that he didn't think it through. I don't think he's likely to defend himself to school etc.

OP posts:
BeLilacSloth · 15/09/2025 11:40

Hopefully School would have called the Police, absolutely discusting of him to touch another child while supervising.

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 11:40

Assuming that one of you always has to accompany your son on school trips, I would think the Head wants to see him just to make sure he properly understands the rules.

Calling the police would be absolutely ridiculous if it really was just a tap and a 'please stop doing that'. There must have been loads of people around him and the girl that would have been aware of what had happened (or unaware of a very minor event!).

arcticpandas · 15/09/2025 11:39

If my son came home and told me that a dad gently tapped him on his head to make him stop kicking around in the bus I would be dead angry...with my son.

Gardendiary · 15/09/2025 11:38

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:32

He's never ever touched our kids, I can't see him suddenly slapping a random child and I can't see a random slapped child not reacting immediately and it being dealt with somehow there. He was on the way out so spent the rest of the day with DC's class and caught the coach back.

Show quote history

None of this really matters, recollections may vary and all that. I would imagine he and the child perceive the events differently and you will just have to hope the parents are level headed and that the school are good mediators so there is no escalation.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:38

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:37

She was in the seat ahead so I assume the top of her head was easier to reach that a shoulder or similar, he wouldn't have known her name (neither would DC) to have used it but yes, plenty of teachers on board plus a TA we know via school really well so no excuse for not asking the teacher to tell her. I usually reprimand once quietly, then reprimand a second time louder with threat of telling the teacher. Third time would be direct to teacher. If I'm banned from school trips whilst my youngest is year 1 I will never forgive him. I don't even know how I'm going to face school, wondering who the year 4 child is, wondering if her parents are going to acost me at school.
I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

Show quote history

I’m so sorry, I would be furious with your DH really. What did the teacher say to him when he got off the coach? Did the teacher see what happened too?

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:37

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:30

Was your husband a parent volunteer on the trip? I don’t really understand what the Y4 girl did but yes if a child is “being annoying” plenty of options are available other than tapping them on the head, what a bizarre thing to do. Presumably he could have told a teacher if there was a problem?

I have also had a child slap my child - I saw what happened - and the child who slapped called it a tap so I would want to know exactly what type of force was used, it doesn’t need to be a hugely forceful act for it to be very unpleasant for the child at the receiving end.

She was in the seat ahead so I assume the top of her head was easier to reach that a shoulder or similar, he wouldn't have known her name (neither would DC) to have used it but yes, plenty of teachers on board plus a TA we know via school really well so no excuse for not asking the teacher to tell her. I usually reprimand once quietly, then reprimand a second time louder with threat of telling the teacher. Third time would be direct to teacher. If I'm banned from school trips whilst my youngest is year 1 I will never forgive him. I don't even know how I'm going to face school, wondering who the year 4 child is, wondering if her parents are going to acost me at school.
I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

OP posts:
Overthebow · 15/09/2025 11:37

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:34

Cos it's 4 hours by coach, he only had to look after DC who's 10 and was drawing quietly. He didn't get a pillow out and intend to sleep, he just dozed off with the motion of the coach. If he'd been responsible for other kids I'd have had a go about him dozing but DC doesn't need that level of constant supervision and would totally have woken Dad up even if it was just to share a random thought.

Show quote history

But this is a school trip and he was there as 1-1 supervisor for DS. Your DH isn’t a child, he can keep himself awake and it’s not really appropriate for him to fall asleep.