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Original poster

Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

792 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:25

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

OP posts:
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8
Letstheriveranswer · 15/09/2025 12:21

5foot5 · 15/09/2025 12:18

I am pretty sure that this poster means the opposite. That it is the people up in arms about a mild reprimand to a misbehaving child that are "all that's wrong with the country."

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Yes, this.

Geranium879 · 15/09/2025 12:21

if the child on front was banging his knees repeatedly and he lightly touched her on the head to say “excuse me - you need to stop doing that” , I really can’t see what the fuss is about. However, he should have alerted a teacher and who knows how hard the tap actually was….obviously if it was a firm tap verging on light smack this is not acceptable. It sounds like the child needed a telling off… I’m so sick of badly behaved children being beyond reproach !

he dealt with it badly… but calling the police sounds a bit much if it was a light tap to get the child’s attention!

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:21

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:18

Which? My stupid DH or the poster?

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The posters calling for the police.

Motnight · 15/09/2025 12:21

CeeceeBloomingdale · 15/09/2025 11:29

He dozed off, then touched a child. I imagine he'll be told he can no longer volunteer.

You'd hope so.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:21

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 12:19

Supposition.

'Yes and probably other parent helpers too. Quite possibly they have heard from other witnesses who didn’t think what happened was okay either.'

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I've agreed with you about it not being ok. What more do you want for something I didn't do?

OP posts:
xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 15/09/2025 12:21

I help out with Brownies and no matter how irritating and brattish they can be (and they can be) you tell them off but you never physically tap them or grab them or whatever. You then also tell the parents they were told off for doing x y or z.

They aren't your children so you shouldn't be getting physical with them.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:20

Slightyamusedandsilly · 15/09/2025 12:15

It's irrelevant if he tapped or something a bit harder. He touched a child. He's not DBS checked by the school so should only have interacted with your child.

Even a teacher would possibly be on thin ice with this.

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Rubbish.

sunights · 15/09/2025 12:20

OP I cannot see how police or SS would be remotely interested.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:20

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 12:17

When is he seeing the head? I would suggest getting the meeting in as soon as possible so it isn’t hanging over you and then really all he can do is reiterate the apology he already gave to the teacher who initially pulled him up about it.

2.45. He's way more chilled than me usually but is worried it's escalated to formal action so I'm glad at least he's taking the meeting seriously. I don't think that means he's done something he hasn't said he's done.

OP posts:
DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 12:19

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:07

I don't think what happened was ok, hence why I'm asking what's likely to happen instead of doing a thread about prescious parents and over reacting schools.

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Supposition.

'Yes and probably other parent helpers too. Quite possibly they have heard from other witnesses who didn’t think what happened was okay either.'

Bunnycat101 · 15/09/2025 12:19

OP you are catastrophising in a really unhelpful way. He tapped a kid to get their attention to stop them messing with the chair. The head might say it’s not best practice but there is not going to be police or social services involvement.

5foot5 · 15/09/2025 12:18

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:05

You think my husband is all that's wrong with the country? I'm angry but that's a bit much don't you think.

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I am pretty sure that this poster means the opposite. That it is the people up in arms about a mild reprimand to a misbehaving child that are "all that's wrong with the country."

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:18

CalmHiker · 15/09/2025 12:15

and if anyone asks why we have such an horrendous teacher recruitment crisis, THIS is far too common and really not helping..

Imagine dealing with THESE parents every day.

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Which? My stupid DH or the poster?

OP posts:
StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 12:17

When is he seeing the head? I would suggest getting the meeting in as soon as possible so it isn’t hanging over you and then really all he can do is reiterate the apology he already gave to the teacher who initially pulled him up about it.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 15/09/2025 12:15

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:30

He only had DS who's 10 but yes dozed off, he said he tapped and I don't doubt that but obviously as the kid is upset it may well be his word against hers as to whether he hit her around the head or tapped her on the head. If the parents had gone to the police would we have heard by now? It happened Friday so they would have told the parents Friday night.

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It's irrelevant if he tapped or something a bit harder. He touched a child. He's not DBS checked by the school so should only have interacted with your child.

Even a teacher would possibly be on thin ice with this.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:15

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 12:11

I know this is a derail but what happens if parents just can’t attend.
Work / not enough holiday to cover school trips etc.

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Eldest needs 121 for physical reasons so I've always gone as a SAHM. When we had 2 kids in, DH bookedeaved but like this year, I wasn't allowed due to an injury so DH went with eldest and youngest just went with teacher. Only enough parents to meet the ratio are allowed so most parents don't go. If neither of us could have attended DS would have had a TA as 121 and they'd have got a different parent to help.

OP posts:
CalmHiker · 15/09/2025 12:15

PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2025 12:10

I would not want another adult touching my kid in any situation (barring doctors etc) so I would be furious if this was my child and she was on a bus with a random sleeping adult male who can't control his hands. Obviously nothing actually happened to harm anyone but I wouldn't expect a grown adult to fall asleep while surrounded by children he didn't know and to be unable to control himself or deal with a situation of a child being annoying. I don't think there's anything for the police here but I doubt he will be allowed to accompany your child again so you will need another plan. He really shouldn't be sleeping if his role there is to supervise anyway.

and if anyone asks why we have such an horrendous teacher recruitment crisis, THIS is far too common and really not helping..

Imagine dealing with THESE parents every day.

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 12:15

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:05

You think my husband is all that's wrong with the country? I'm angry but that's a bit much don't you think.

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I read that as meaning the opposite.

gamerchick · 15/09/2025 12:14

OP take a breath. It's not going to be as bad as you're thinking.

PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2025 12:13

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 12:11

I know this is a derail but what happens if parents just can’t attend.
Work / not enough holiday to cover school trips etc.

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My friend's son has 1:1 care at school so the 1:1 attends for day trips to supervise his son. For overnights one of the parents has to go (he just spent 5 days away with his son's class) or the child just can't go.

If a child is in the grey area where they won't get 1:1 care but also can't manage on their own they just can't go on trips I think? There is a child in my son's class who cannot attend swimming lessons as he just can't stay safe and it's a major issue for obvious reasons.

Figcherry · 15/09/2025 12:13

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:10

Thank you. We have other stuff going on with eldest medically and I know I'm incapable of rationality ATM. I cry when I'm upset, scared, angry, overwhelmed so trying to get it all out of my system before I sit humiliated in front of a head teacher I really respect and who I've always had a good relationship with up until now

Is it likely to trigger any SS concern into our own children? Like if he does that to someone else's in public, what does he do at home?

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I really think you need help.
Therapy or see your GP.
You are definitely overreacting.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:13

PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2025 12:10

I would not want another adult touching my kid in any situation (barring doctors etc) so I would be furious if this was my child and she was on a bus with a random sleeping adult male who can't control his hands. Obviously nothing actually happened to harm anyone but I wouldn't expect a grown adult to fall asleep while surrounded by children he didn't know and to be unable to control himself or deal with a situation of a child being annoying. I don't think there's anything for the police here but I doubt he will be allowed to accompany your child again so you will need another plan. He really shouldn't be sleeping if his role there is to supervise anyway.

If they ban both of us, there is no other plans. The TA would have to be his 121 which makes work for them. The big trip planned is absolutely no parents anyway. They presumably can't bam DS from his last year of trips
But he'll miss all the leavers stuff etc if he's banned from school grounds. Pick up by him is exceptionally rare ATM and can probably be worked around.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:13

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:05

You think my husband is all that's wrong with the country? I'm angry but that's a bit much don't you think.

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I think the people who want to call the police because he reprimanded a child are what's wrong with the country. I don't think he necessarily went about it the right way but even so.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 15/09/2025 12:13

AIBU isn't the place for this, OP. Some posters just love to escalate and add to your worries. I've worked in primary schools and the thought of this being reported to the police is quite ridiculous.

I'm sure you'll be reassured once he has the meeting.

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 12:11

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:08

He shouldn't need to for eldest although we have younger kids who have many years left. He only does this one once a year as we usually have two kids there so we do one each. Cos I couldn't go he had to have eldest instead of me

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I know this is a derail but what happens if parents just can’t attend.
Work / not enough holiday to cover school trips etc.