Page 26 | Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

PullingOutHair123 · 15/09/2025 12:29

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:26

Male adult to female child is even worse, as the child is going to be scared

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Really? Bloody hell This thread is descending into a very dark place....

Do you really teach your kids all men are scary??

Highlights the need for more male primary teachers or nursery practitioners.

Dinosweetpea · 15/09/2025 12:29

FGS the world's gone mad, he tapped the head of a misbehaving child, good for him. Honestly.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:29

NotABiscuitInSight · 15/09/2025 12:26

He's not going to be prosecuted for assault. It was a tap on the head made in poor judgement with no real harm done and which can be entirely mitigated by him staying away from the school. There is zero public interest in prosecution when the matter can be handled far more pragmatically.

That said, I'd be massively unimpressed if he wasn't trying to come up with his own way of Smoothing this over instead of just carrying on woth the usual man's view that you and your child will be the ones getting the cold shoulder from parents and other kids from the gossip.

Imo he should at least try and follow the school policy for kids for dealing with this sort of thing. Write a letter of apology, offer to meet with school and or parents and face the music. Even if they say no, at least he's tried to face the music in a positive matter instead of hiding behind his wife and job and hoping noone calls the police.

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School won't tell us who the kids is, so he can't apologise. DS prob wont know either. I expect the grape vine could be squeezed for who but I don't think him approaching the parents is necessarily helpful. How else other than being genuinely contrite in the meeting can he help resolve this? I mean he could write a letter of apology to pass on I guess but would a parent actually care about the letter?

OP posts:

Letstheriveranswer · 15/09/2025 12:28

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:13

I think the people who want to call the police because he reprimanded a child are what's wrong with the country. I don't think he necessarily went about it the right way but even so.

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100% this. It wasn't the best advised way to deal with it, but the fact that there are so many parents here who think it's a SS or police matter and totally unacceptable that a kid acting like a brat should be quietly reprimanded (and the parent never allowed round kids again is totally, completely bonkers).

I am very glad my kids are adults and I don't have grandchildren growing up in this country.

The whole reason why any physical contact to a child became inappropriate to start with was purely to cover adults backs because of all the crazy accusations it can - and sometimes did - lead to.

Assuming it really was just a tap it's not great but it's not the end of the world.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:27

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 12:25

Or touch them at all? Let drown? Fall out of a tree etc? I am reminded of the T. Pratchett novel 'The Fifth Elephant' in which it is recounted that numerous dwarfs allowed the Low King to drown because touching the king was not allowed - and everyone agreed they did the right thing.

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Of course if it is an emergency and they are going to save the child's life - then they can touch the child.

That is the only circumstance it is ok. No other circumstance is ok.

I work in a school. We just did safeguarding refreshing training. We were told we are not allowed to tap, hug a child ever.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 12:27

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:24

And I'm thinking now what if she embellished and adds fabrication to what happened because frankly whilst most kids wouldn't, I work with kids. Some would. Fuck. If she's emotional and telling her parents and they're asking leading questions she could tell them anything and our lives would be ruined because he's an idiot.

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But lots of people on the bus would have seen what happened, he wasn’t alone with the child.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:26

prelovedusername · 15/09/2025 12:22

I think everyone needs to calm down.

He’s been called in to give his version of events. He needs to be clear about what happened, “tapping” could be anything from a gentle tap to get her attention to a thwack. How did he make contact, finger, full palm?

Unless it was quite a sharp blow I can’t see the parents wanting to take it much further. It very much depends what happened.

Dozing isn’t on, I’d be crosser about that because he was entrusted with a supervisory responsibility and you need to know he can be trusted.

I have no issue about him accidentally dozing next to our 10 year old on a coach full of people. He certainly isn't the first parent and won't be the last. I mean I wouldn't say "make sure you get your head down for a nap babe" but it also isn't reprimand territory. If he'd got other kids with him, I'd feel different I've certainly dozed off sitting at home with my 10 year old and wouldn't expect him to come in and tell me off.

OP posts:

NotABiscuitInSight · 15/09/2025 12:26

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:56

Alas I'm already worried about him losing his job if he's prosecuted for assault. I'm not sure him getting into work at 10 and finishing at 2 will help

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He's not going to be prosecuted for assault. It was a tap on the head made in poor judgement with no real harm done and which can be entirely mitigated by him staying away from the school. There is zero public interest in prosecution when the matter can be handled far more pragmatically.

That said, I'd be massively unimpressed if he wasn't trying to come up with his own way of Smoothing this over instead of just carrying on woth the usual man's view that you and your child will be the ones getting the cold shoulder from parents and other kids from the gossip.

Imo he should at least try and follow the school policy for kids for dealing with this sort of thing. Write a letter of apology, offer to meet with school and or parents and face the music. Even if they say no, at least he's tried to face the music in a positive matter instead of hiding behind his wife and job and hoping noone calls the police.

JifNtGif · 15/09/2025 12:26

I would expect Lance Corporal Punishment to not be allowed on any further trips or indeed in DC's school again.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:26

3pears · 15/09/2025 12:24

I’m not saying it’s ok. I’m saying if my child was being a dick and a parent tapped her lightly to say please stop I wouldn’t be outraged like so many on here.

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Male adult to female child is even worse, as the child is going to be scared

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 12:25

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:23

It is not ok to tap anyone elses child

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Or touch them at all? Let drown? Fall out of a tree etc? I am reminded of the T. Pratchett novel 'The Fifth Elephant' in which it is recounted that numerous dwarfs allowed the Low King to drown because touching the king was not allowed - and everyone agreed they did the right thing.

Paganpentacle · 15/09/2025 12:25

Ponoka7 · 15/09/2025 11:54

We don't really know if the other child was naughty, or just excited to be on a school trip and that meant she was disturbing the DH's sleep. Year 4 children are still excitable and get a bit loud, which is fine because the supervising adults shouldn't be asleep.
What will happen will depend on your DC's need for 121 and how the school is set up. If you can go, then he should be barred from going again. They should be reporting it to their safeguarding lead, you never hit near a head and a man can even poke quite hard.
A school helper put her finger in my grandchild's face last week and I'm glad I haven't ran into her when we are both alone. So you might have trouble coming from the family.

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Why did she need to have her finger in your grandchilds face?

everychildmatters · 15/09/2025 12:25

Were there credible witnesses around when the tap happened? Ideally another adult?

TheCurious0range · 15/09/2025 12:25

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:10

Thank you. We have other stuff going on with eldest medically and I know I'm incapable of rationality ATM. I cry when I'm upset, scared, angry, overwhelmed so trying to get it all out of my system before I sit humiliated in front of a head teacher I really respect and who I've always had a good relationship with up until now

Is it likely to trigger any SS concern into our own children? Like if he does that to someone else's in public, what does he do at home?

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@ToddlerIs2 OP I run a public protection department, multi agency including police and social care, kindly please take a breath and step away from the craziness on here. If he just tapped her on the head from the seat behind when she was banging her chair into his knees repeatedly and said hey Jessica stop that. There is absolutely no way this meets the threshold for any police or social care involvement. He's not going to get arrested or lose his job and there won't be any social care involvement with your children. I think he will probably be turned down if he volunteers again or advised not to bother volunteering for trips again by the school.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 12:25

Tapping for attention is different to tapping a child you’re annoyed with to tell them to stop, I think? That’s why it’s a problem, not literally because he made contact with another child but because he let his irritation get the better of him and “tapped” her on the head when verbal reminders weren’t working.

3pears · 15/09/2025 12:24

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:23

It is not ok to tap anyone elses child

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I’m not saying it’s ok. I’m saying if my child was being a dick and a parent tapped her lightly to say please stop I wouldn’t be outraged like so many on here.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:24

PullingOutHair123 · 15/09/2025 12:22

This is the reason that a) Teachers / TA's etc don't want to work in schools; and b) the reason volunteers working with kids all over the country are leaving in their droves.

A tap on the head to get someone's attention who is already excited and giddy really isn't abuse of any nature. In fact it minimises abuse.

There were no "wandering hands". You know what that statement implies, and there is no evidence of that at all. Fuck sake.

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And I'm thinking now what if she embellished and adds fabrication to what happened because frankly whilst most kids wouldn't, I work with kids. Some would. Fuck. If she's emotional and telling her parents and they're asking leading questions she could tell them anything and our lives would be ruined because he's an idiot.

OP posts:

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 12:23

AphroditesSeashell · 15/09/2025 11:28

I imagine he won't be welcomed back as a chaperone for any more school trips!

Beyond that, it will be up to the childs' parents to decide if they want to escalate it any further. If it was literally a tap, I wouldn't expect it to go any further but if he is downplaying it and/or the girl tells a different story, they might report it to the police.

This is utterly stupid. Kid was being annoying and had been told to stop umpteen times. An adult tapped her on the head and reminded her to stop - didn't slap, thump, hit, bang: tapped! What utter drivel - parent should apologise to OP's DH for her DD being such an annoying brat. End of.
Save the aggro for real safeguarding, like boys being allowed to share dormitories with adolescent girls because they are 'trans' etc.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:23

3pears · 15/09/2025 12:22

If my child was being annoying, jumping up and down on a seat and trying to goad the person behind into a reaction, I wouldn’t mind if the parent behind tapped them to get their attention and then asked them to stop. I certainly would not be furious about it. Obviously it’s not best practice but it’s hardly the crime of the century is it and surely would not warrant police involvement?!

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It is not ok to tap anyone elses child

ColdLittleHeart · 15/09/2025 12:22

I imagine the child’s parents have complained and the head needs to investigate with it being a safeguarding issue. They’ll surely just want his side of the story.

If it really was just a tap on the head I can’t see it being taken any further. It seems like a huge overreaction to me.

prelovedusername · 15/09/2025 12:22

I think everyone needs to calm down.

He’s been called in to give his version of events. He needs to be clear about what happened, “tapping” could be anything from a gentle tap to get her attention to a thwack. How did he make contact, finger, full palm?

Unless it was quite a sharp blow I can’t see the parents wanting to take it much further. It very much depends what happened.

Dozing isn’t on, I’d be crosser about that because he was entrusted with a supervisory responsibility and you need to know he can be trusted.

3pears · 15/09/2025 12:22

PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2025 12:10

I would not want another adult touching my kid in any situation (barring doctors etc) so I would be furious if this was my child and she was on a bus with a random sleeping adult male who can't control his hands. Obviously nothing actually happened to harm anyone but I wouldn't expect a grown adult to fall asleep while surrounded by children he didn't know and to be unable to control himself or deal with a situation of a child being annoying. I don't think there's anything for the police here but I doubt he will be allowed to accompany your child again so you will need another plan. He really shouldn't be sleeping if his role there is to supervise anyway.

If my child was being annoying, jumping up and down on a seat and trying to goad the person behind into a reaction, I wouldn’t mind if the parent behind tapped them to get their attention and then asked them to stop. I certainly would not be furious about it. Obviously it’s not best practice but it’s hardly the crime of the century is it and surely would not warrant police involvement?!

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:22

It was a stupid thing to do. Never touch someone elses child.

Also he needs to learn to deal with badly behaved children.

I was just on a flight . There was a screaming child the whole time beside me.
If i touched his head i would probably have been arrested.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:22

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 15/09/2025 12:21

I help out with Brownies and no matter how irritating and brattish they can be (and they can be) you tell them off but you never physically tap them or grab them or whatever. You then also tell the parents they were told off for doing x y or z.

They aren't your children so you shouldn't be getting physical with them.

I know. I do Scouts. He doesn't have any involvement with our pack before anyone gets irate. Even hugs are "turn so everyone can see where my hands are!"

OP posts:

PullingOutHair123 · 15/09/2025 12:22

PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2025 12:10

I would not want another adult touching my kid in any situation (barring doctors etc) so I would be furious if this was my child and she was on a bus with a random sleeping adult male who can't control his hands. Obviously nothing actually happened to harm anyone but I wouldn't expect a grown adult to fall asleep while surrounded by children he didn't know and to be unable to control himself or deal with a situation of a child being annoying. I don't think there's anything for the police here but I doubt he will be allowed to accompany your child again so you will need another plan. He really shouldn't be sleeping if his role there is to supervise anyway.

This is the reason that a) Teachers / TA's etc don't want to work in schools; and b) the reason volunteers working with kids all over the country are leaving in their droves.

A tap on the head to get someone's attention who is already excited and giddy really isn't abuse of any nature. In fact it minimises abuse.

There were no "wandering hands". You know what that statement implies, and there is no evidence of that at all. Fuck sake.