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Original poster

Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

792 replies

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:25

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

OP posts:
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user1492757084 · 15/09/2025 12:37

He was in a public space in full view of others.
He tapped the only part of the child he could reach so to gain her attention to, once again, ask her to stop.
Most adults would understand his logic.
Fortunately following the rules means something to teachers and schools so your husband will have to explain himself and apologise to the parents.
Was there CCTV on the bus?

Busted2006 · 15/09/2025 12:37

Bloody hell, some of the comments have escalated and OP I think you are panicking which is understandable but I think he will just get a talking to.

keep us updated

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/09/2025 12:36

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:31

I will say that it can be difficult working with under 18s. You have to be so cateful what you do.

In my school, one security guard got fired because he was too friendly with a teenager.

Another security guard got fired because in his words he made the mistake of putting a heart emoji on a teenagers comment instead of a thumbs up.

One teacher got fired for giving a student a car ride in the rain. Car rides are a no no except if the child is in danger apparantly

A security guard (in a school?) Shouldn't be socialising with students or be on pupils' Social media so the heart emoji thing shouldnt happen. Teachers shouldn't give lifts to pupils, it would invalidate their insurance apart from anything else.

These examples are quite different to the example in the OP.

Nogg · 15/09/2025 12:36

Definitely don’t write a letter or chase it up your the one in danger of driving a complete non event into a issue for your DH

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:35

buffyajp · 15/09/2025 12:34

It was a fucking tap and without evidence of injury the police will do nothing

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He says tap. The child will say hit.

They will look for independent witnesses

FrippEnos · 15/09/2025 12:35

It is very much 'how long is a piece of string' question.

If all is as you say here, then your DH will get a telling off and told not to do it again.

If the parent of the other child is (shall we say) forceful. Your DH may not be allowed to supervise again.

However (worse case scenario) the parent could refer it to the DSL, escalate through the system and to the DBS (if your DH needs one) and they will probably say no further action required. Based on your post.

smooththecat · 15/09/2025 12:35

Tapped is minimising language unless it’s literally tapping someone on the arm to get their attention. It sounds like hitting, smacking or slapping.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:35

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:32

Total aside bur quote a few of our year 6s hug the TA on their way out. She'll give them like a shoulder squeeze. I've also had teachers carry my non compliant early years kids into school etc. my year 1 also hugged the teacher in reception. The head will also respond if a kid hugs them. I wouldn't want my kids at a school where the only physical contact permitted if in the event of serious injury.

That has nothing to do with this and DH tho.

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That TA should not be doing that.

DrPrunesqualer · 15/09/2025 12:34

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 12:27

But lots of people on the bus would have seen what happened, he wasn’t alone with the child.

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Would they have even noticed if it was just a tap on the head to get her attention to ask her to stop.

It sounds like that’s all it was. If it was any worse a teacher or someone would have noticed and said something on the bus.

It might be worth your dh mentioning that later today OP

ClaredeBear · 15/09/2025 12:34

School is probably it just duty bound to speak to your husband about this. I’m sure this will blow over and it won’t impact you going on trips, etc. the school won’t want this to escalate anymore than you do and in terms of the police, they would be knocking your door. He’s been silly - and the falling asleep would irritate the fuck out of me but aside from that, hopefully everyone will make a good recovery.

PullingOutHair123 · 15/09/2025 12:34

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:29

School won't tell us who the kids is, so he can't apologise. DS prob wont know either. I expect the grape vine could be squeezed for who but I don't think him approaching the parents is necessarily helpful. How else other than being genuinely contrite in the meeting can he help resolve this? I mean he could write a letter of apology to pass on I guess but would a parent actually care about the letter?

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Nothing. You go in and find out what the head wants.

If the head is at all a sensible person, this is a tick box exercise and everyone moves on.

Unless there is more to the story, this is pure storm in a teacup and you are catastrophising the whole thing.

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:34

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:32

Total aside bur quote a few of our year 6s hug the TA on their way out. She'll give them like a shoulder squeeze. I've also had teachers carry my non compliant early years kids into school etc. my year 1 also hugged the teacher in reception. The head will also respond if a kid hugs them. I wouldn't want my kids at a school where the only physical contact permitted if in the event of serious injury.

That has nothing to do with this and DH tho.

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It has everything to do with what your DH did

Pastaandoranges · 15/09/2025 12:34

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:29

School won't tell us who the kids is, so he can't apologise. DS prob wont know either. I expect the grape vine could be squeezed for who but I don't think him approaching the parents is necessarily helpful. How else other than being genuinely contrite in the meeting can he help resolve this? I mean he could write a letter of apology to pass on I guess but would a parent actually care about the letter?

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Do not write a letter. Its basically putting it on paper that he admits he did do it.

buffyajp · 15/09/2025 12:34

nocoolnamesleft · 15/09/2025 11:28

So he went as a supervisor, went to sleep instead of supervising, then hit another child on the head? I guess he’d better hope the parents don’t call the police.

It was a fucking tap and without evidence of injury the police will do nothing

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:33

CalmHiker · 15/09/2025 12:31

What did I just read?!

Some people need to switch internet off and go out to get some fresh air, this is ridiculous.

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I can tell you dont work in a school or do safeguarding training.

I do.

At our last safeguarding session , one male teacher said he thought it was okay to hug female students when they are leaving the school.

He was told that this was a huge no. Not to do it again. As it can scare the female students. And there is a power imbalance where they will feel in the moment that they cannot say no to his hugs

Tartantotty · 15/09/2025 12:33

Oh dear. Children get murdered and maimed in Gaza every day, and here in the UK we wring our hand over a little tap on the head.

Our kids are growing up in an increasingly dangerous world with no resilience to face what might lie ahead and no respect for others. More and more they are allowed to grow up entitled and unchecked - we witness the results of this every day on public transport.

Original poster
ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:32

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:27

Of course if it is an emergency and they are going to save the child's life - then they can touch the child.

That is the only circumstance it is ok. No other circumstance is ok.

I work in a school. We just did safeguarding refreshing training. We were told we are not allowed to tap, hug a child ever.

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Total aside bur quote a few of our year 6s hug the TA on their way out. She'll give them like a shoulder squeeze. I've also had teachers carry my non compliant early years kids into school etc. my year 1 also hugged the teacher in reception. The head will also respond if a kid hugs them. I wouldn't want my kids at a school where the only physical contact permitted if in the event of serious injury.

That has nothing to do with this and DH tho.

OP posts:
Pastaandoranges · 15/09/2025 12:32

I imagine it will depend on the girls version of events and how angry and/or crazy her parents are and if any witnesses can coorberate your husbands story.
It could all blow over in one cknversation if everyone is reasonable and thing happened as tour husband said they did. I imagine it could escalate if the girl has said it was more than a tap and also if her parents are angry and more so if they are unreasonable types.
I do think if a male parent hit my daughter in the head I would be furious and I am a reasonable person who doesnt usually make a big deal of things and also knows my kids arent perfect.
How long was this journey? Because if it was only a few hours then he can't really say he was trying to sleep. Its a school trip not first class long haul. But an overnight trip then possibly has an excuse.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 15/09/2025 12:32

OctopusFriend · 15/09/2025 11:59

Well, instructions for school trips and supervision have changed since my last training then.

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Ok

Nogg · 15/09/2025 12:32

Seriously does it even matter he taped them on the head not assaulted them.

Zhu · 15/09/2025 12:32

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:24

And I'm thinking now what if she embellished and adds fabrication to what happened because frankly whilst most kids wouldn't, I work with kids. Some would. Fuck. If she's emotional and telling her parents and they're asking leading questions she could tell them anything and our lives would be ruined because he's an idiot.

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You know who else embellishes and adds fabrication....

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:31

I will say that it can be difficult working with under 18s. You have to be so cateful what you do.

In my school, one security guard got fired because he was too friendly with a teenager.

Another security guard got fired because in his words he made the mistake of putting a heart emoji on a teenagers comment instead of a thumbs up.

One teacher got fired for giving a student a car ride in the rain. Car rides are a no no except if the child is in danger apparantly

CalmHiker · 15/09/2025 12:31

Booneymil · 15/09/2025 12:26

Male adult to female child is even worse, as the child is going to be scared

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What did I just read?!

Some people need to switch internet off and go out to get some fresh air, this is ridiculous.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 12:31

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 12:29

School won't tell us who the kids is, so he can't apologise. DS prob wont know either. I expect the grape vine could be squeezed for who but I don't think him approaching the parents is necessarily helpful. How else other than being genuinely contrite in the meeting can he help resolve this? I mean he could write a letter of apology to pass on I guess but would a parent actually care about the letter?

Show quote history

I would suggest following the school’s lead on this, he can ask at the meeting? They will have been in similar situations before. I imagine they won’t recommend any contact or follow up with the other child’s family but probably will pass on an apology and explain that he knows it was the wrong thing to do etc.

PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2025 12:30

I absolutely didn't mean to imply anything beyond what actually happened... all I meant was that an adult who falls asleep and then is annoyed enough when waking up to be unable to think clearly and then instinctively touch another child - in any sense - is not one I would want on a school trip with my own children. I volunteer to supervise my children's classes often and never, ever touch any of them. I took them swimming last week and it was very clear exactly what we could do (we had to help them with their swimming hats but only touch the hats)

I think it's really unlikely that anything will happen further but I would not be surprised if he was not invited to supervise again - at least for a while. And I'd think he should promise to stay awake if he's surrounded by children anyway.