To no longer care about men or the male gaze

I do not mind admitting I loved male attention, but from the men I wanted attention from I loved that I could wrap men around my little finger

doesn't make me less of a feminist

for me losing my looks or becoming invisible is not depressing I still put an effort on to look good but I am well aware my looks/attractiveness have faded, its just life . First time I really noticed this was when I was waiting to cross the road and no one stopped. Recently I realised I am now at an age where young men feel safe to practice their flirting techniques with me 😆I used to do the same though I believed older men were not interested 😏

I see young women having this power and I think good on you enjoy it (yes I am aware it is not always nice to be on the end of attention I didn't enjoy it all)

I don't relate to a lot of what people spout under the name of feminism. I am a feminist though as I believe in equality for women. I have no hate for men, I care about male issues such as the high rates of male suicide, I'm not anti-trans but I am a feminist.

I wish I had the promised invisibility. However in my experience its more that they don't WANT to see us because we're no longer of interest. But they CAN see us and are most annoyed when we speak up or make our presence felt.

Having being leered at and perved on since I was TEN, it’s sweet relief now I’m middle aged and nobody notices me. Blissful invisibility.

I have never appreciated the male gaze, and one of the joys of middle age is becoming more and more invisible. I’m embracing my grey hairs and wrinkles.

😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂😂 that’s not OTT at all!!

No she was Gen X, she did get her children and was engaged. She died very sadly in her early fifties. She had stuff like nice hand towels in it.

What a charming thing to say.

A bottom drawer? What was in it?

Im assuming she’s a boomer?

Well this is extremely minimalising and unlikely to be true. How many women have NEVER been abused or discriminated against?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I never cared either and didn’t settle down till I was 30. They seemed a hinderance because in a relationship you have to bloody consider them and I had no time for that. A man was secondary to my vision of not being poor as had grown up in poverty.

The odd thing was my friends who were very much worrying about men seemed to have the worst luck. Myself and my mate, we had known each other since 15 had similar attitudes and men pursued us the more. One of my friends even had a ‘bottom drawer’ saving things for her life with a man.

I dont look at them if I'm out, so i don't notice if it even did happen😅

Maybe autocorrect for “looks”?

Google. It’s not difficult

Yes, what the hell is booked?

Same here! The ‘male gaze?’ is that when a man looks at you?

I have cognitive dissonance re: the male gaze.

We live in a patriarchal society so appealing to the male gaze has assisted me a lot - financially, practically, socially.

As I grow older (mid 40s), I’m now the higher earner in my household so rely on the male gaze less in a financial and practical sense.

However I’m a very affectionate, romantic and loving person. I thrive being part of a couple. So even when full menopause hits and libido dwindles, I’ll still somewhat care about the male gaze as Im heterosexual and don’t want to be single.

Id love to NGAF but it’s not my personality to be a lone wolf. I admire those women immensely however.

You know there are a lot of women out there that haven't been raped, abused or otherwise mistreated by men?
I have never been sexually assaulted, financially abused and at 42 I am still not invisible.
I have a teenage daughter and I spend a huge amount of mental energy trying to decide if I do enough to keep her safe so I do see both sides of the argument but most threads on MN demonise all men and I just don't think that's reasonable.
As well as my teenage daughter I have a soon to be 19 year old son, I have parented him to the absolute best of my abilities and have had regular talks about consent since he was fairly young. He is a giant soft (boy) man and I have to let him go out into a world where potentially half of the population might hate him from the moment they see him! Thankfully I live in the real world and not the la-la land that is MN so I think he'll be okay.

Good for you. Maybe you've never been raped or abused or seriously discriminated against then.

I’m mid 50s and I do care what my DH thinks about my appearance but not other men. I have always felt I dress and groom for myself. My appearance matters to me. I tend to be in male company a lot. My DH my dad my DS my brother my nephew but in reality I prefer female company 100%. My sis and dd live hours away so while I do see them it’s not as often. I enjoy being with females so much more…the conversation /sharing preparing a meal /going out for a meal /shopping /exercising. I’m not sure this is “not caring about the male gaze” it’s just preference. And I do not watch tv and rarely see movies so I have shielded myself from the persistent pervasive exploitation of women in media. I just saw and IG reel of Beverly Hills 90210 and Jesus what crap. Adult male thoughts and fantasies coming out of the mouths of children. Male gaze in media is so so pervasive.

I was recently in the extended company of a recent widow and a recent divorced female both 65 talking about men and dating and I thought to myself you have no idea of the dating world today…how limited it is and how men of all ages feel single women are a sexual buffet each to be sampled. MN has educated me a lot about later in life dating

I notice nowadays when men look at me. Because I’m not sexy or even pretty any more, so if they’re looking at me it might possibly be because they see a potential friend or kindred spirit. Which means we are just human beings, I hope, rather than animalistic.

i havent tried to look appealing to men since I got to my mid fifties and realised that I’d not had enough of true value from men, to invest further.

You're totally entitled to care / not care about whatever you like. If you mean you've had it with relationships and don't feel the need to impress men, then that seems perfectly reasonable, but if it feels like a revelation to you, then I'm wondering if it was previously a very big deal to you and that's why you're noticing the contrast?

Most of my interactions with men have never really been about impressing them or attracting them, even when I was much younger. Sure, I've wanted the men I find attractive to be attracted to me in return, but I think I can honestly say that my life hasn't really ever been centred on 'male-female dynamics'. I've always had male friends without feeling any tension around 'the male gaze' - in fact, I would say I've generally thought less about my appearance and behaviour when socialising with male friends than I have when socialising with women.

I'm 49. I still love sex and want to have as much of it as possible, so yeah, I care that my partner finds me attractive, but he's always been just as likely to be up for sex when I'm loafing around on the sofa and haven't even showered as he is when I'm looking at my most groomed.

Unlike @smallpinecone I absolutely do consider myself a proud feminist, but I personally don't think feminism is best served by acting like men and women are separate species who would ideally be segregated except for mating. It's as reductive and prejudiced towards women as it is to men, in my view.