To ask school if DS can have his phone in class?

Phone isnt the answer imo.

Does school have a nurse?

Id request a meeting asap with form tutor and head of year, senco and ds. Decide appropriate way to deal with this. Like options below
A) he feels unwell he goes straight to medical school/nurse
B) if he is refused toilet he can walk out and go straight to form tutor/head of year.
A couple of safe people/staff need to be identified that he does feel comfortable speaking to when he needs help. I would gently encourage him to start advocating for himself. If he needs you in school then he can tell safe adult and they cam contact you.

EHCP can be really difficult to get when a child has a physical condition/illness rather than a special educational need/learning disability (still worth applying but be prepared for the response to be useless). However school should have made him an IHP, which should be updated periodically. This is a document which details all the reasonable accommodations a child needs to manage their physical condition while attending school.

If standard toilet passes can be ignored then the school need to consider adding a second level of pass that makes it clear that the child can go to the toilet or medical office at any time (my daughter has one of these but has never needed to use it. She’s in remission from a cancer related condition so doesn’t even need toilet access to manage a toileting specific medical device!)

I’d be raging if it were my kid but agree with everyone else re: phone not being the solution.

Might be worth talking to school re: getting DBS done anyway, that way you could theoretically be a parent volunteer on school trips etc, very useful if trip access becomes difficult in future due to his medical needs.

Here’s the official info re: IHP

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions--3

Put his phone with his bag kit so if he has to change it then he has his phone to call you

Sorry your DS is in this position, but a mobile in class to call you is not the best solution. He really does need to manage the bag himself at his age and this long after the op. Having said that I think it is entirely appropriate for you to complain about the substitute teacher's behaviour and the detention. Put it in writing. Your DS should also learn from this that talking in class when he should be listening is going to cause him more problems than it is worth.

I agree with this. Completely unacceptable of the supply who I would hope would be mortified by the situation and impact they had. You’re ds needs a better plan so he can take time if needed and not feel pressure to return to class.

Your son may not need an EHCP but he does need an Individual health care plan in school. There is legislation about this and the school has a responsibility to ensure suitable arrangements and reasonable adjustments are in place. This should include more flexibility about toilet access.

2015 but still in use:
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

I don’t really see why he needs a phone in class for this. He doesn’t want to ask teachers to go to the bathroom and explain he isn’t feeling well in front of the class, but kids will demand to know why he’s allowed to use his phone when no one else is - it’s will be less discreet than a toilet pass as they’ll all know he gets special allowances with a phone and they won’t like it so will make a deal with it. The issue is with the staff not properly accommodating his toilet pass and this is what needs addressing. Does he actually want you coming in to school to take him to the toilet? I can’t imagine many 14 year old boys being happy with that. We have a disabled toilet in the entrance to our school, so you’d be able to take him to that one in our building; I wouldn’t know what they’d do if they didn’t have this facility as you’d need escorted around school.

I would be asking for a written card that he can carry at all times explaining the medical need for toilet emergencies. Laminated and signed by the head or head of year. He can discretely pass it to any teacher questioning him and they can read it and act accordingly. A standard toilet pass is not good enough.
I would also ask if there is a toilet that can be used near reception for example, I imagine a diabled one might be the best option as youncant really go into the boys loos, I dont think they would let you. But one that if tou need to go in and help him can be allocated.
And potentially some sort of singalling so they can get an urgent message to student reception to call you to come in as I dont think they will let him have a phone. This can all be outlined on the card..
Something like a code red, where the stpes are on the card. Teacher calls student reception immediately and says the code word, they call you, he heads to the allocated toiket and you make your way in.

Unless you have a full DBS, you can't go into the school.

The school needs to be more supportive and there needs to be a quick and clear mechanism of care.

Speak to the SENCO.

But it doesn't matter if the supply teacher wasn't aware, he had a medical card, which he told them about. They don't need detail about the condition, if anyone has a medical card they let them go, that's it. It's pretty simple, you aren't allowed to ignore that. Teachers don't need the details of the condition, or an explanation of how it affects them. To get one such evidence who have had to been given to SNECO or HOY, so they've already checked it.

OP it sounds really hard, make a formal complaint, if they continuously say they'll get better and don't, it's just the only way often. I understand why he gets stressed, and yes sometimes he will need lots of time in the toliet and shouldn't be further stressed out by the teachers reactions. Does he have like a pastoral year lead? Someone whose non-teaching he can talk to when's he's struggling?

Have a chat with the SENCO and HOY, they need to have a more structured support plan. Do they have a school counsellor? Or could you afford some therapy. It's very hard to mentally deal with a chronic illnesses especially when you're young, for younger kids the NHS tends to have some psychological support services like pay therapy. But I know there's some for teens, maybe ask your GP if they are aware of any.

I’m a Secondary HOY. Forget the EHC in the short term. By the time it goes through, he’ll be nearing the end of Year 10 if it’s anything like my LA.

He needs a Healthcare Plan put in place by the school. As part of the plan, it can be written in that he has a toilet pass and can leave the room urgently if needed. It can also say that staff must check on him and contact home, if needed.

Unfortunately, I can happen that supply teachers go against school policy and refuse things like passes. While most supply supply teachers are amazing, some aren’t! While upsetting, it’s likely to be a one off mistake

Make an appointment with your son’s Head of Year to setup the Healthcare plan. I am really surprised this hasn’t been done already!

The supply teacher should have been told that OP's son must go to the toilet on request because of having a colostomy. It's quite outrageous that the school did not do this when they knew the supply would take OP's DS's class.

Does he still have a consultant/ specialist nurse? I would ask for their help in writing a more effective healthcare plan - at his age they should be moving towards preparation for adulthood so assuming no additional needs, they should also be supporting in helping him to manage better without needing you to go in.

Either his specialist nurse or the school nursing team / co-ordinator should be liaising with school to put a plan in place. Ask them both to set up a meeting to discuss what is needed.

I agree with people. DS should NOT have been treated like this, and the fact he was is appalling. The phone idea is NOT going to help though. If the school are going to be a sloppy as this about letting supply teachers know what your son needs, he's going to get in as much trouble for getting his phone out as he is for trying to go to the toilet. You need to impress on the school that they HAVE to make sure that all supply teachers know that some children have toilet passes and when they are shown a toilet pass they MUST let the child go. Make sure the Headteacher and the SENCO know what happened and if it happens again get the governors involved, or even the LA as it's a serious breech of the law.

Aw poor kid. Hope you get it sorted with the school OP.

I am a Head of Year.
Your son sounds very resilient, coping with this at age 14. I think having to message you isn't appropriate, not because he should not have access to you, but because school should be better supporting your son. It's time to have a meeting with the HOY, perhaps an assistant head, perhaps the senco. There needs to be a better and more supportive plan in place. Your son shouldn't be begging to go to the toilet.

I agree that it is totally unfair how your son was treated. However, as earlier mentioned, the supply teacher will be an external teacher who is employed by an agency. Supply teachers get treated horribly by students/staff and do not often get passed relevant information as they are needed last minute. The school needs to make sure that your son’s medical needs are on the ‘cover sheet’ for any lessons that may be covered by external supply. That way, the external cover teach is aware, this is the responsibility of his usual teacher or head of department, depending on who sets cover.

Teacher here, you are spot on, this is awful.

I suspect its a case of poor communication to the staff of OPs sons medical condition, any teacher who refuses a child with that situation has no place in education.

The phone, no, if that's the rule they shouldn't let him have that.

I would ask. He deserves to be allowed it, I can’t imagine how hard that is for your son at 14 dealing with it all.

He needs a healthcare plan which spells everything out.
Go thru it again with school
And Pastoral support team

U? I only know that as Mitford's U/non-U, and it doesn't fit the context. What's it mean here?

Spunds stressful OP.I am not sure the phone is the answer.

First off, the school needs to have a well communicated protocol for dealing with your son, one that makes his learning accessible, enables him to be autonomous, and means the horrible situation you described doesn't happen again. Im not in the UK but I think this is a EHCP.

Focusing on the detention is not looking at the bigger picture. It's a non issue - he was sick and could not attend school.

I am glad you are applying for the EHCP and hopefully that will soon be granted.

I would ask for a meeting with the senco to see what can be put in place to ensure that no matter who is teaching, supply or otherwise, he can always leave to go to the toilet.

As an alternative to a phone, to alert his mum

He needs an additional explanation card rather than a standard toilet card. I’d also suggest speaking to his medical team to see if there is anything they can suggest to help him, there’s various products available