To ask if you hide emergency funds from your partner?

This is the same for us. I have money that is separate and only I can access. I don’t think he knows anything about how much it is. He’s never asked. He knows it’s there. I keep a pot separate in case anything happens to him. He’s injured etc.. it give me easy, ready back up if he is out of action as some of our joint money would be hard to access if he was in a coma for example.

I was advise to have a fund when I got married , wish I had when I got divorced 24 years later

I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I hide it because my partner is terrible with money even though he’s the main breadwinner. I have an emergency fund for us and often dip in to it without him knowing to pay for things for the kids, for him and our household. My plan is to use it up either when I have enough to clear the remainder of the mortgage or if we ever get in to a situation where he is cut off by the family business as his dad who is also his boss is very temperamental. He knows from my personality and previous behaviour of bailing him out whenever I’ve had to in the past that I have a rainy day fund but he has no idea how much it is or where it is etc etc. My partner never saves anything & in some ways I feel like this is me saving his money for him as I don’t see it as mine. I see it as ours even though he doesn’t really know about it. Having said all of that, if the need ever arose and he did something unforgivable I would be able to use it for the kids and i to rent somewhere for a short while and get on our feet.

Yes and No.

Yes, because I have substantial savings & investments in my own name in my own accounts to which DP has no access. No, because this isn’t a secret. He knows I have my own money, but he doesn’t know how much, and has never asked. Because it’s my money, and he respects that.

He also has his own savings & investments in his own accounts & to which I have no access. I don’t know how much he has, but I suspect it’s significantly less than me because he has a VERY expensive hobby.

We have entirely separate accounts, current and savings. I don’t hide the money, but he can’t access it.

Yes, I have 3 months take home salary saved away from my current account and the family savings. Its enough to put down a deposit, rent a house for me and the kids & get a solicitor if ever needed.

I love my DH, he loves me. But we've had our moments and shit happens. So many women get caught completely unawares that I think it's naive to claim you don't need your own money.

If it's all blue skies/lifelong apathy then we will spend it on a Stannah stairlift and the grandkids.
It would be a lovely surprise at retirement if DH has the same 😂

I have my own savings but it's not a secret. My MiL was horrified when we mentioned my "running away fund"
Everyone should have independent means, but if you have to hide them, you probably need them @YourJadeLion

Mumsnet seems to struggle a bit when it comes to this subject. Women are firmly advised to have a secret fund, and are also firmly advised to dump partners who have a secret fund

No. We each have have our own savings. I have no idea how much he has and vice versa. It's not a secret though, I'd tell him if he asked.

I grew up with a single mum who had been through a nasty divorce. It was always drummed into me that a woman should have some funds of her own. I'm not sure that they were ever completely secret. My husband always knew I had a couple of bank accounts of my own, but I never mentioned the amount.

I used to put away $5 a week in the 80s, then it slowly increased from there. eventually that became $50 a week. By the time we had been married for 34 years, it was an amount that was a decent deposit on am investment property. This had always been a quiet goal of mine. Not that I ever thought my little fund would get me there, yet it did. Growing up, sometimes mum and I shared just one room in rental accommodation, so I wanted to be a really good landlord for someone who needed that.

Anyway, at that point, I obviously had to mention it to my DH. I took out a loan but he has jointly contributed to paying it off. I still have some savings of my own, but my little emergency fund will now work for both of us when we retire. We've been marries 38 years now.

I think an emergency fund is something everyone should have, and if you get to the point where you really don't need it, then it becomes a nice bonus.

I've got savings he can't access, but they're not secret. He's got the same.

I mean I have 60k but he knows about it…

I have my own savings but they're not a secret.

I have one, and I live on my own 😉😂

I was saving my running away money by the time I was nine. It didn’t teach me to pick decent men but I’m damm good at saving.

My DH won’t tell me how much he inherited, so why should I tell him what I’ve got.

Well, of course I have my own money. I’ve always had my own money. So does Dh. Very happy marriage, no ‘secret stash’, but we only have joint finances for paying bills. Everything else completely separate. I have no idea how much he has or what he spends money on and he has no idea what I have or how I spend my money.

That said, no it wouldn’t be enough to start a new life if I up and left because my money is tied in my house and other things. But I wouldn’t run away and leave my house and my life anyway even if I had all the money in the world, but yes, I have full financial freedom as every woman should have. None of this one account controlled by a man business.

I've got savings but it's not a secret. I earn my own money from our company and there's money available should anything "go wrong".

I've got secret money but its not for running away - when I sell something on marketplace and get cash I stick it in my jewellery box. It's for Christmas presents for the kids or whatever else we won't have enough money for when it comes around because dh is not good at sticking to a budget.
I would tell him if he asked but I'm not going out of my way to do so.

I earn enough money to fund myself - including housing should I need it. Always have done, even when DC were little.

DH is lovely, been married 20+ years, but I don't think he should pay for me when I am capable of earning the money I need.

My advice: always have a job, always have access to ALL money and never expect your partner to keep you - that's both ways BTW.
Exception to the rule: when DC are little, one partner will have times when they work pt...

My DM called it her ‘running away’ money. She never ran away and it wasn’t a secret fund.

Yes and no - they are my funds and for me to spend as I wish, but it's not a secret. We both have our own money and can make our own choices.

No. No need to.

I don't. I'm not sure how I would feel if my husband had a hidden savings account tbh. In a divorce its 50/50 anyway so surely a hidden account could or would be found.

No, I have my own bank account with my own savings but it's certainly not a secret.