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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 17:58

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/09/2025 17:43

OP said so to not interfere with any programs or settings that uncle may already have.

Making an account on an uncles Netflix isn't a big deal in my opinion.

Show quote history

I've already replied to similar comments. RTFT.

notacooldad · 14/09/2025 17:58

Netflix have got very strict about logging on abroad if you are not the account holder. You have to tick a box and a code will be sent to the account holder's phone. Maybe that was the problem for the daughter.
Even if that was the issue, it could be discussed nicely and resolved.

Touchwood2654 · 14/09/2025 17:54

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:25

Well I suppose it the old saying “no good deed goes unpunished’.

I won’t offer to do things for them putting myself and my son out. I still don’t understand why creating a profile was that bad. Could someone explain? Again he is only 12. It not like he stole or broke anything. And even if he broke something it would be an accident and I would offer to pay. I am always the first to apologise and own up if I do something wrong.

I did this recently whilst staying for a week with a friend. She said I could use her Netflix, and rather than ruining all her bookmarks to her programmes, I added a profile. It's easy to do and there is a prompt for it on the home screen.
Your son was actually incredibly responsible, mature and grown up for doing that! Most adults would just have gone in and watched my favourite programmes on my profile leaving me with no idea where I left off. This has happened too many times and is most annoying.🤣🤣

ItsAllDifferent · 14/09/2025 17:49

Sorry I pressed the wrong button in the vote. YANBU.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 14/09/2025 17:48

Out of interest Op, what happened to his partner?

Mmhmmn · 14/09/2025 17:47

Was your brother abusive when you were growing up as well as this latest outburst? He sounds like a right bully. Makes me wonder whether growing up with an abusive sibling predisposed you to the abusive relationship you had previously. His reaction was ridiculous - really uncivilised and uncalled for. YANBU. Also they should NOT have got a dog in the first place, knowing that they would have to rely on everyone else including elderly parents to look after it.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/09/2025 17:43

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:17

You were doing them a favour, however why on earth did you let your son log on to Netflix and make a profile for himself? He could have watched under an existing profile. Going forward just say no to helping and let them sort out a dog sitter.

Edited

OP said so to not interfere with any programs or settings that uncle may already have.

Making an account on an uncles Netflix isn't a big deal in my opinion.

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 17:40

Ponoka7 · 14/09/2025 17:27

When it's a child in the family and they are spending a lot of time there because their Mother is doing you a favour and it's saved you thousands of pounds, it's exceptionally outside of what's normal, to be angry about it. I have to allow another £350 every time I go on holiday for pet sitting. That's without the daily visits the OP is doing. As said, the pair of them will find out how bloody ungrateful they've been.

Edited
Show quote history

As stated, I think the brother is just looking for something to be annoyed about. 😒

KookySnail · 14/09/2025 17:33

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:14

Thanks for your reply. Is it really that bad that he added a profile he is 12 and I didn’t think it was a big detail. Also how do you change the password on the tv? I tried on my account at home and could only log out and reset the password by sending an email to my account?

my son didn’t know the old password or have access to my brother’s email so how would he be able to change it? I am genuinely curious.

Also even if he did mess it up is it really okay to swear and shout at someone for their child doing this? When I am being told ‘your bloody son’. It isn’t like he bought £2000 of v bucks on his credit card.

Show quote history

“Your bloody son” sounds like resentment that’s been brewing.

You said one of your DCs have behavioural issues. Is there a back story or any other instances like this?

KeepPloddingOn4Ever · 14/09/2025 17:29

it wouldn't bother me at all if my family added a profile on Netflix. I've had friends of my children on there before!

JustMerelyHere · 14/09/2025 17:29

YANBU and for the record, I'm surprised people are saying it's rude to create a profile. This isn't like adding a new account or anything, it's just your son being considerate and making sure what he watched didn't impact their recommendations or which episodes are marked as watched. I would MUCH rather a guest who was in my house and doing me a favour do this than to mess up my existing profiles. Your brother sounds crazy.

Ponoka7 · 14/09/2025 17:27

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:51

A person is not a 'weirdo' simply because they'd prefer folk not to make profiles on their streaming accounts.

Show quote history

When it's a child in the family and they are spending a lot of time there because their Mother is doing you a favour and it's saved you thousands of pounds, it's exceptionally outside of what's normal, to be angry about it. I have to allow another £350 every time I go on holiday for pet sitting. That's without the daily visits the OP is doing. As said, the pair of them will find out how bloody ungrateful they've been.

BrightGreenPoet · 14/09/2025 17:26

YNBU If your parents decide to help him, that's their responsibility, not yours. You can't control any of their actions, only yours, and you've been more than generous only to be repaid with abuse.

DeemonLlama · 14/09/2025 17:23

I guess we are all different as I couldn't care less if my nephew added a new profile for himself on my Netflix. Its a family member in my house for a reason. If he's watching Netflix and if this is likely to be a regular occurrence then I would not mind at all, but if I did mind I would just quietly delete the profile not rage at his mum.

Happyjoe · 14/09/2025 17:20

I feel sorry for you, and the dog. You can walk away but the poor dog can't. He needs to get a dog walker in the day at the very least.

notacooldad · 14/09/2025 17:15

*notacooldad · Today 16:59

I can understand why you would feel bad for the dog, but its on them. I wouldn't be rushing round to help people who my favours back in my face
I missed a word out! ' I wouldn't be rushing round to help people who my threw favours back in my face*
I'm sure you got the point though!!

TonTonMacoute · 14/09/2025 17:15

I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it

No.

This means your rude entitled brother and his ungrateful brat of a daughter will have to pay for a dog sitter in future.

Sod 'em!

Marieb19 · 14/09/2025 17:14

Just another post to say your brother has behaved very badly, is being rude and selfish. If they can't look after a dog they shouldn't have one and shouldn't try to guilt relatives to look after it for them. Totally entitled behaviour. Your parents can make up their own minds but it sounds like it won't be a reliable long term option.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/09/2025 17:04

Bloody hell

Your brother will have to pay for a dog-sitting service, ultimately, and serve him right.

He should NOT have got a dog.

Evaka · 14/09/2025 17:01

OMG what a couple of pricks. No more favours, they can do one.

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 17:01

PracticallyPeapod · 14/09/2025 16:54

There is a world of difference between ‘prefer not’ and shouting and swearing at somebody for doing it. I’m sure the op wouldn’t be upset if her brother had politely asked her not to do it.

Show quote history

I agree. I have clearly stated already that I feel he's just looking for something to be annoyed at. He sounds like hard work.

notacooldad · 14/09/2025 16:59

I can understand why you would feel bad for the dog, but its on them. I wouldn't be rushing round to help people who my favours back in my face.

porridgecake · 14/09/2025 16:58

You can have 5 profiles in one account. I can't see what harm there is in a family member using one. Call it "guest" if they don't want nephew's name on it.

Angleislington · 14/09/2025 16:58

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 15:35

Your brother is a nasty piece of work. Hell would freeze over before I looked after his dog again or did him any sort of favours at all. Nope, don’t need that in my life, fuck him.

Edited

The first post doesn't always nail it, but this one does.

Easipeelerie · 14/09/2025 16:56

I’d go no contact. You shouldn’t be sworn at.