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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
shiverm · 14/09/2025 19:43

I haven't read every page of comments, so unsure if this has been pointed out, but your son making his own netflix profile is surely a helpful and considerate act? I'd bet it would have been annoying if he was watching a bunch of shows that mess up your brother or niece's algorithms, having it recommend things they don't like or losing their place in whatever theyre already watching. I'd prefer someone did that.

Your brother sounds like a worse than typical man bully. I don't like the sound of him one bit (sorry).

nomas · 14/09/2025 19:38

BilbaoBaggage · 14/09/2025 19:34

I have had several visitors create new profiles on Netflix. It has never occurred to me that this was something I should be getting upset about. It takes a matter of seconds to create and equally few to delete. It is completely harmless and certainly doesn't deserve shouting about.

Yes, it takes seconds to delete a profile.

The kid probably thought he was being thoughtful by not messing with the recommendations on the other profiles.

BilbaoBaggage · 14/09/2025 19:34

I have had several visitors create new profiles on Netflix. It has never occurred to me that this was something I should be getting upset about. It takes a matter of seconds to create and equally few to delete. It is completely harmless and certainly doesn't deserve shouting about.

Clearinguptheclutter · 14/09/2025 19:31

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/09/2025 15:37

I would never do another favour for the pair of them ever again. Dog needs rehoming.

This. Poor dog but for the best.

Grammarnut · 14/09/2025 19:30

Don't your brother and his DD listen to anyone? Obviously not and they should not have taken on a dog - and I feel sorry for the dog as well as you. Ingrates, basically.

Bellyblueboy · 14/09/2025 19:28

They need to pay for doggy daycare or a dog walker.

Your brother is a selfish nasty man - and his daughter is a chip off the old block.

Facecloth · 14/09/2025 19:16

No good deed, indeed!

Your brother is a nasty bully.
Stop being used and abused.

NEVER oblige him again.
Never.

You need to put him on mute.
Expect him to come back and want more help and tell you that you have over reacted to his verbal abuse.
Do not be foolish and back down.
Stick to your guns.
His dog.
His problem.

My friend had a bust up with her entitled sister who got a dog last year and just expected my friend to take it for weekends and holidays.

My friend said No not happening, nothing to do with me. She too got a nasty earful from her selfish sister, and blocked her.
Her sister eventually apologised for the "misunderstanding".

My friend really enjoyed the peace so has accepted the apology but has told her she has no interest in resuming regular contact.
Their parents are dead and she is now done.
She has booked a sun holiday for Christmas/New year, to reenforce the point that she really is done.
Its been a blessing.

A real case of fxxking up and finding out.

doodleZ1 · 14/09/2025 19:15

OP as an aside has your brother ever done anything to help you? Is it all a one way street and how would he react if it was the other way round and you shouted and swore at him? If it were me this would be my wake up call to step right back. You have your own issues to deal with and you don’t need a man that can’t control his emotions to phone you and let rip at you. I bet he has done this before as it doesn’t come out of nowhere. You don’t need to put up with people that don’t respect you and are prepared to say hurtful things to you. You deserve better and your parents should be backing you up on this. If they don’t it shows the family dynamics. You did well to state you weren’t doing any more dog sitting, keep those boundaries up.

Gandalfsthong · 14/09/2025 19:14

Poor bloody dog, but don’t blame you op they shouldn’t have gone one 😔

nevernotmaybe · 14/09/2025 19:14

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:17

You were doing them a favour, however why on earth did you let your son log on to Netflix and make a profile for himself? He could have watched under an existing profile. Going forward just say no to helping and let them sort out a dog sitter.

Edited

Watching on existing is worse. Could mess with them tracking what episodes they have, it can change what shows are displayed, recommended and where they appear.

Adding a simple profile, that makes no changes to Netlfix at all and can be instantly deleted, was the correct thing to do.

Billybagpuss · 14/09/2025 19:11

He sent a very short message telling me ok he should not have talked to me like that.

I hope you’ve summarised this message as that is not an apology it’s a statement. He owes you a proper apology

lemonraspberry · 14/09/2025 19:11

Wow, so much drama over Netflix! I would not be doing anymore favours for anyone after all that - never mind dog sit,

DirtyBird · 14/09/2025 19:10

Poor doggy. This makes me sad. He should be rehomed to a loving family that wants to spend time with him.

Your brother is a dick.

Fleetheart · 14/09/2025 19:06

PistachioTiramisu · 14/09/2025 18:59

I feel sorry for the poor dog! Nobody wants to look after him!

Yes I do too. I would offer to have the dog perhaps (I am a bit of a dog softie, and not a human softie)

Mapletree1985 · 14/09/2025 19:05

Lifeinthepit · 14/09/2025 18:39

They are a weirdo though to make such a fuss about something so minor when it was done by a young nephew while his mother was doing the uncle a favour for which he should rather be grateful rather than rude. It's pathetic behaviour.

Show quote history

Can't the rude brother/uncle simply delete the unwanted account?

Fleetheart · 14/09/2025 19:05

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:17

You were doing them a favour, however why on earth did you let your son log on to Netflix and make a profile for himself? He could have watched under an existing profile. Going forward just say no to helping and let them sort out a dog sitter.

Edited

"why on earth"? a bit OTT surely, anyway OP has explained why. Creating a profile is the right thing to do as it wouldn't affect anyone's recommendations etc

DiscoBob · 14/09/2025 19:01

Surely he must have known in the end he was wrong, else he would've needed your son to give him the new password? Or if it really was so easy to change it then why couldn't he just change it straight back again?

Him and his daughter sound like a couple of twats. If they CBA to care for the dog they should re-home it. it's nothing whatsoever to do with you or your parents. Definitely no more favours for them.

PistachioTiramisu · 14/09/2025 18:59

I feel sorry for the poor dog! Nobody wants to look after him!

Endlesswandering · 14/09/2025 18:59

That’s awful, he’s behaved in an appalling way, all over a Netflix account? Even if your son had changed the password (I doubt it! Surely you need the password first to then change it?) and been a bit cheeky in doing so there’s no excuse for his behaviour towards you. He should have just called up and said “I think little x has changed the Netflix password on our TV, are you alright to have a chat with him and clear it up?” And then left you to deliver consequences and chat to your son about his behaviour

By the way, very much sounds like this isn’t the case re him changing the password, sounds like they have one of those accounts where you can only have so many profiles or something? Could that have logged him out when his daughter tried to log in? I’m not very technical but I’m sure Netflix is a pain for making you pay for more accounts/devices.

I wouldn’t dog sit for him again and suggest he pays for a dog walker/sitter. Really he should have been paying you for your time anyway, especially given you seem to go above and beyond for him and this dog by staying to give it company etc!

I’m wondering if something else is going on here because his reaction just seems completely disproportionate. If I was him and genuinely thought my nephew had changed the password I’d be a bit miffed but would never behave in that way and would just call my brother and get it sorted

Itdoesntmatteranyway · 14/09/2025 18:57

If someone was trying to log on to Netflix from somewhere else, at the same time as your son, Netflix would have realised it was being used like this.

Wadadli · 14/09/2025 18:56

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

Your brother is an ungrateful prick and his daughter is a spoilt brat. I’d fuck off the pair of them

justasking111 · 14/09/2025 18:56

Aren't some people awful. You can change a password. Log out, log in with your own password. Netflix are funny I was paying for family membership. Son went to university all was well then Netflix kept locking him out because of the one household rule.

Now if I pop round to babysit grandson load up my Netflix they got arsy for a while and they're in the house behind ours. They then threw me off if I went from the sitting room to the bedroom. From TV to phone. I got fed up was going to cancel, then it all stopped. G

MaurineWayBack · 14/09/2025 18:55

You were totally right to tell him you’re not dig sitting again.

But please can you also drop the guilt of ‘my elderly parents will have to do it now’.
They don’t. They can say NO just like you’ve done. Looking after the dog is their CHOICE too.

I mean who gets a dog knowing they won’t be able to look after it and except their elderly parents to step in?
It’s your brother’s dog. Up to him to find a dog sitter or doggy daycare fur it. Like he should have right from the start (or even better, not get a dog….)

Pregnancyquestion · 14/09/2025 18:52

I bet he regrets being such a twat now you’re not doing him a favour.

My brother can be like this, explosive. He will take slight about something and then go mad my mum mostly. I went LC with him in my early 20s but I’ve gotten close to two of his daughters and so didn’t go NC. He misunderstood something recently and just blew up at me and that was the last straw and I’ve gone NC now. I’m not having anyone shouting and swearing at me, as he calms down quickly and just expects everyone to be ok because he’s now ok. He’s vile

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 18:51

Lifeinthepit · 14/09/2025 18:39

They are a weirdo though to make such a fuss about something so minor when it was done by a young nephew while his mother was doing the uncle a favour for which he should rather be grateful rather than rude. It's pathetic behaviour.

Show quote history

I agree that he sounds an unpleasant person, and, as already stated, is looking for something/anything to freak out over!