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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
4forksache · 14/09/2025 21:30

I don’t think it was rude of him to create a new profile. If you are close enough to spend hours there doing them a favour, it’s not a big deal to use their Netflix to entertain yourselves - or get yourself a drink of juice !

Original poster
Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 21:14

And thank you for all the comments that make me realise this is not okay. Also on how Netflix works. It seems we did nothing wrong and it was his daughter’s fault for not getting a code for going on holiday!

still no phone call from him to apologise and I don’t think that will happen. His loss but poor dog looses out.

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 14/09/2025 21:10

Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2025 15:40

When you say your parents are very close to your brother do you mean he treats them like shit and they put up with it?

This @Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman you should say no but your parents also
need to say no. It is not your problem to fix if they won’t set him straight.

Original poster
Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 21:06

Ineedaweeinpeace · 14/09/2025 20:42

Steal the dog. Never speak to brother or neice again - absolutely arseholes.

Love the idea of stealing the dog. She is adorable and I do love her. But I am living somewhere were dogs are not allowed and it does upset me to think of her left in the house all day all alone.

My son is very young for his age. He was watching Peppa Pig. He doesn’t always get social cues but is a really sweet boy and he loves the dog too.

There was an incident a few months ago where my brother had a party. My son took some food just after it came out of the oven. He had gone with my mum as I could not go. Yes he should not have taken the food without asking but he told me my brother grabbed his wrist hard and shouted at him. My mum said he shouted and over acted but she was looking away and did not see him grab his wrist. Any way I won’t be letting either son go there without me now and only for a family party no other reason.

In the past yes my brother had shouted at me. Because of the large age gap I was always told by my parents to respect him. He is always the poor victim in their eyes eg all his relationships have broken down because his partner cheated or was crazy or selfish. He had several children rest are all grown up with several different women. He had always been very much in their lives and had them living with him at various times.

I have always tried to be a kind aunty especially as I have got older. I became an aunty very young so with the eldest I was still a child myself. I know he has started swearing at my dad at times not sure what the reason was.

Any way we are done as I don’t want to be around someone who treats me or my kids like that. I am starting the Freedom programme soon so hope to learn more about setting boundaries.

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 21:05

21ZIGGY · 14/09/2025 20:34

Great!

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Yes, because I always do what random folk tell me......🤣

Ineedaweeinpeace · 14/09/2025 20:42

Steal the dog. Never speak to brother or neice again - absolutely arseholes.

21ZIGGY · 14/09/2025 20:34

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 20:01

Rightio.
You've told me what to think, so I'll now think that way.

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Great!

SpryUmberZebra · 14/09/2025 20:30

Namechangerage · 14/09/2025 20:28

No they are just saying either watch on the existing account or don’t watch. You’ve taken their comment a bit too literally. Course your son could watch their Netflix, I just don’t get why he needed his own profile.

BTW it didn’t warrant shouting at you, as your son is only 12! And I agree with your follow up actions entirely. Your brother and his daughter sound awful. I’d never dog sit again and would strongly encourage my mum not to either.

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How does creating a new profile affect him? What impact does it have on her brother and his daughter?

Namechangerage · 14/09/2025 20:28

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:37

so my son should sit their touching nothing when I am doing them a favour and looking after their dog. It is my brother. I’m not the actual dog sitter helping myself to their food and watching their tv. I am a family member helping out. I thought I had a closer relationship with him and his daughter. Obviously not.

well problem solved as we won’t be there again unless as guests with my brother there. I have said I will only enter the house if he is there. I got my mum to leave the keys I had for him. So his tv and Netflix are safe.

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No they are just saying either watch on the existing account or don’t watch. You’ve taken their comment a bit too literally. Course your son could watch their Netflix, I just don’t get why he needed his own profile.

BTW it didn’t warrant shouting at you, as your son is only 12! And I agree with your follow up actions entirely. Your brother and his daughter sound awful. I’d never dog sit again and would strongly encourage my mum not to either.

Dogaredabomb · 14/09/2025 20:25

Your brother and his daughter are both horrible, but I feel very sorry for their dog. Hopefully they will rehome it responsibly.

I agree that you should say that you don't feel comfortable going into his home unless he's there to supervise his rules. Then don't ever go there.

AdoraBell · 14/09/2025 20:20

YANBU .OP if he ever asks you to look after the dog say -sorry, that doesn’t work for me. Every time, like a broken record, and stand your ground.

For me if anyone rants and swears at me I don’t need them in my life.

SpryUmberZebra · 14/09/2025 20:16

Moveoverdarlin · 14/09/2025 20:11

No excuse for speaking to people badly. But if I asked someone to come and let the dog out, feed it etc I would be pretty pissed off if their son added a profile on my Netflix account and changed the password. I would have told my son, don’t touch anything, no you can’t put the telly on! Go on my phone.

I am in a similar situation with my dog, and this just reinforces to me that I wouldn’t want someone in my house when I’m not here. Creating a Netflix account??? I could understand if you were staying for a week or two but an hour or so? I would have said not to touch peoples things.

He didn’t change the password, he can’t change it from the tv and you need the current password to change the password. Creating a profile was actually the right thing to do so he doesn’t affect any programs they have in progress.

why would you be upset that your young nephew creates a new profile? You act like he is a stranger dog walker that you hired rather than your nephew who is there because his mother is helping you. Isn’t it better that he sits and watches tv rather than wander around the house aimlessly and bored while his mother looks after a dog the idiot doesn’t have time for?

SpryUmberZebra · 14/09/2025 20:15

Blushingm · 14/09/2025 16:21

I did say your DB was OTT

But your DS shouldn’t have been messing with someone else’s tv settings. It’s rude

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I disagree, I guess if you have a rigid family relationship then maybe, my young nephew watching Netflix in my house and adding a profile will not even register to me to be upset at all not to talk or cursing and shouting. I may even understand if he messed up their shows that were already in progress but did the right thing to create a new profile so it doesn’t affect their shows and the idiot still has the guts to call and scream and curse, he’s a fucking idiot.

Add to that the fact they were bloody helping him with the dog he got knowing they wouldn’t be around to give the proper attention it requires.

Moveoverdarlin · 14/09/2025 20:11

No excuse for speaking to people badly. But if I asked someone to come and let the dog out, feed it etc I would be pretty pissed off if their son added a profile on my Netflix account and changed the password. I would have told my son, don’t touch anything, no you can’t put the telly on! Go on my phone.

I am in a similar situation with my dog, and this just reinforces to me that I wouldn’t want someone in my house when I’m not here. Creating a Netflix account??? I could understand if you were staying for a week or two but an hour or so? I would have said not to touch peoples things.

SpryUmberZebra · 14/09/2025 20:04

Blushingm · 14/09/2025 15:59

He’s over reacted but why did your done feel he could go and mess with their Netflix, or even make himself a profile at someone else’s house?

and yes you can change a password on the tv

No you cannot change Netflix password on a tv, it will direct you to the website or app, and you also need the current password to change the password.

And even if he changed the password he doesn’t need to react so angrily and shout like that at all.

Your 12 year old nephew adding a profile on Netflix does not warrant such a ridiculous response at all even if they were not helping with the dog. I don’t even see why he needs to get upset about it, I would just leave it there so he can use it anytime he comes or if I don’t want it then delete it.

His daughter’s reaction to her grandmother says a lot about how idiotic and ridiculous he and his daughter are.

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 20:01

21ZIGGY · 14/09/2025 19:57

Dont be ridiculous. It does nothing no matter who it is, but its his NEPHEW

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Rightio.
You've told me what to think, so I'll now think that way.

21ZIGGY · 14/09/2025 19:57

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:38

I wouldn't be happy if someone just added a profile without at least asking first.

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Dont be ridiculous. It does nothing no matter who it is, but its his NEPHEW

gamerchick · 14/09/2025 19:56

The only way to stop someone taking you for granted is to stop. As your parents are going to find out.

Poor dog.

Valeriekat · 14/09/2025 19:56

Talipesmum · 14/09/2025 16:35

Maybe she tried to watch something at the same time he was watching on the Netflix account so that’s why she couldn’t get into it?

No, Netflix are stopping account sharing. Nothing to do with what your son did.

Valeriekat · 14/09/2025 19:53

Surely everyone knows that Netflix no longer allow sharing out of country?

lessglittermoremud · 14/09/2025 19:52

I wouldn’t dog sit again and advise they employ an insured dog walker.
Whenever anyone has come to let out ours in an emergency etc I’m so grateful I wouldn’t care if they had accidentally changed a password, drank or eaten anything they had found.
Your brother sounds hideous!

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 19:51

PinkyFlamingo · 14/09/2025 19:49

In normal families I don't think this would be an issue at all, I certainly wouldnt mind . And using an existing profile would be much worse as it could muck up their settings

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'Normal' families?
No need to make sweeping statements about something which can vary dramatically.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/09/2025 19:49

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:30

It's an account managed and paid for by someone else, so it's rude to add yourself on to it without asking.
He could have just watched Netflix on one of the existing profiles.

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In normal families I don't think this would be an issue at all, I certainly wouldnt mind . And using an existing profile would be much worse as it could muck up their settings

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/09/2025 19:48

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:14

Thanks for your reply. Is it really that bad that he added a profile he is 12 and I didn’t think it was a big detail. Also how do you change the password on the tv? I tried on my account at home and could only log out and reset the password by sending an email to my account?

my son didn’t know the old password or have access to my brother’s email so how would he be able to change it? I am genuinely curious.

Also even if he did mess it up is it really okay to swear and shout at someone for their child doing this? When I am being told ‘your bloody son’. It isn’t like he bought £2000 of v bucks on his credit card.

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I'm a bit on the fence about the Netflix thing and it would've been better if your son asked your brother if he could set up a profile when he was there one time, so that he could use it when there.
I think my view is slightly skewed by being furious at my neighbour putting my recycling bin out when we were away, because she had put some excess stuff of hers in it and 'thought l wouldn't mind'. But she then didn't bother to put our bin back in and left it on the pavement for three days where we discovered it on our return. We had deliberately not put it out . She might as well have left a neon sign outside to the local burglars.

Biskieboo · 14/09/2025 19:47

BilbaoBaggage · 14/09/2025 19:34

I have had several visitors create new profiles on Netflix. It has never occurred to me that this was something I should be getting upset about. It takes a matter of seconds to create and equally few to delete. It is completely harmless and certainly doesn't deserve shouting about.

Yeah but you're doubtless a well adjusted basically normal person with a well developed sense of perspective. As I've learned today, there are people out there who apparently see a profile being created on their Netflix account as a calculated insult. It seems barmy to me as I honestly couldn't give a shit.

...and well done OP for telling your brother where to get off with his childish behaviour. If the stupid twat is going to bite the hand that feeds then he needs to learn the hard way.

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