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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
Retrogamer · 15/09/2025 20:45

Your brother sounds unhinged. Is there anything else going off in his life or is he just naturally nasty?
Sorry but its a massive over reaction. You can easily reset the password via email. His daughter shouldn't be using his account anyway and pay for her own?

Definitely dont do him any more favours, just stay civil at the lowest possible standard.

Original poster
Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 15/09/2025 20:33

KatSlayMoon · 15/09/2025 18:17

Your brother is a bullying arsehole and it looks like the apple has not fallen far from the tree. Use all the time you were wasting on trying to make this man’s life easier on making your life more enjoyable OP: start a new hobby, spend more time with your son, take more naps, watch all the Netflix you like.

And to all the posters banging on about Netflix: get a grip! The boy set up a Netflix account he didn’t set up a dogfighting ring in the living room. The man is his uncle, not a stranger!

Thank you @KatSlayMoon you made me laugh out with your comparison.

Not sure if people are interested but I have an update.

No contact from my brother to me over the last two days. My mum saw to the dog on Sunday (yesterday). Today my brother was off work and my mum thought he would come in person to apologize to me. He didn't and to be honest I never thought he would. My mum phoned him this evening to say she was surprised he had not apologized in person.

I wish she hadn't because I could have told her it would not end well. He said he had already apologized. (A short message saying he was sorry for speaking to me like that but he was stressed.). He continued to say we had messed up netflix and changed the password because his daughter could not login. He told my mum he does not watch it and it is only for her! My mum told him about his daughter's rude message but he ignored this and said it was my son's fault for playing with the Netflix. If he had not used it and added his profile non of this would have happened!!!! What him loosing his temper is down to a 12 year old adding a Netflix profile? He then said to my mum well I didn't swear at her as in he did not call me a c*t or a f*er. He had just used swear words. Um he told me he was fing ped off and kept repeating the f word whilst shouting at me! But in his words this is okay as he did not swear at me!!!!

He told my mum not to do the dog this week and also not to go round to pass over some keys to a workman who was coming in. The workman was coming in later in the week when his daughter was back but was coming early about 7am. As she would still be in bed he had asked my parents to go round to open the door as the daughter said she would not be able to wake up and would just throw the key out the window!!!

He then told my mum we all need to move on other wise this would split the family!!!

My mum is now really sad and I am feeling guilty but non of this is on me. I said to mum I would be polite for hersake.

OP posts:
ThatFlakyGuide · 15/09/2025 20:31

I’m sorry but your brother and his daughter are piss takers. Your parents should also stop doing him favours - he should rehome the dog (clearly his lifestyle isn’t suitable) or pay for doggy day care like others have to.

I don’t see the big deal of your son creating a profile - it’s a bloody Netflix!! They are clearly people who want everything done the way they want it without paying. Time to put your foot down - can’t be dealing with petty arseholes like this!!

ScribblingPixie · 15/09/2025 20:22

You are doing the right thing, OP. You can't change their relationship, only protect your own boundaries. If it wasn't the dog, there would be some other way they were running around after him without a word of thanks.

Shell18celhave · 15/09/2025 20:19

I'd be really p'd off if I sat down to watch netflix & my algorithms had been messed with & it was wall to wall kids programs. I think your son was spot on to make a profile, it's easy to just delete it & there is zero harm done.
Your db is very ungrateful

thequeenoftarts · 15/09/2025 20:17

Next time anyone roars at you, feel free to end the call. No one has to take abuse, ever and not for such a small issue ffs. Drama lamas much. Hell would freeze over before I would do anything for that asshole again. Regardless of the issue its a simple reset of password, no one died. Sweet baby Jesus, has he nothing else to worry about, and tell you Mother not to touch anything in the garden again, not their issue what happens to the poor dog

Skodacool · 15/09/2025 20:16

Tell him to pay for a dog sitter or send it to doggy day care.

CatchTheWind1920 · 15/09/2025 20:12

Your brother is horrid and your niece is a chip off the old block.

SezFrankly · 15/09/2025 20:09

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:14

Thanks for your reply. Is it really that bad that he added a profile he is 12 and I didn’t think it was a big detail. Also how do you change the password on the tv? I tried on my account at home and could only log out and reset the password by sending an email to my account?

my son didn’t know the old password or have access to my brother’s email so how would he be able to change it? I am genuinely curious.

Also even if he did mess it up is it really okay to swear and shout at someone for their child doing this? When I am being told ‘your bloody son’. It isn’t like he bought £2000 of v bucks on his credit card.

Show quote history

Exactly this - and so what if he messes with Naziflix? If he changed every password in the horse, it doesn't deserve being verbally abused and made to feel unsafe.

SezFrankly · 15/09/2025 20:06

Your brother needs to sort out his anger issues. What a twat.

Your niece needs to read the screen. Netflix will have asked to to say she was temporarily travelling. What an entitled brat.

No more favours.

Rosesanddaffs · 15/09/2025 19:58

@Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Why can’t he pay someone to go and feed his dog? It’s unfair to expect you and your parents to do it.

Bestfootforward11 · 15/09/2025 19:57

I don’t think you or your parents should be looking after his dog. It’s one thing if someone goes on holiday and they need help but not on a regular basis, particularly when it doesn’t seem there is even the slightest bit of appreciation. They want the fun of the dog without actually adjusting their lives to care for it. Can’t see the problem re your son setting up a profile, wouldn’t be a thing to be bothered about with my siblings. While I can accept others may take a different view on that, his reaction was disproportionate.

Booboobagins · 15/09/2025 19:41

His daughter has a big spoon. Someone needs to take it off her cos he won't.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 19:29

A dog sitter will cost him a hell of a lot more than a carton of orange juice.

I'm sorry, OP. Your brother has been abusive to you and to your son. Neither Netflix, nor being the older adult sibling, nor juice justify shouting at somebody.

Aavalon57 · 15/09/2025 19:26

I just wanted to add that your brother is totally out of order. Our nephews and nieces have all created their own Netflix profiles on our TV. It’s much safer than watching via an adult profile, for starters. Also, it’s no big deal if your son started to take the food as soon as it came out. We would never treat our nephews and nieces the way he did. I hope these new boundaries you’ve created will help. 💐

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 15/09/2025 19:18

You have enough on your plate and it's his dog. I know you did say you would look after him but honestly, as a single parent, I wouldnt be taking on the responsibility of the dog. I would just let everything blow over and tell him that you aren't in a position to mind him. On the Netflix side of things, 12 year olds will do those kind of things. You could apologise to your brother for not keeping a better eye on your son and keep him away from his netflix account again but I wouldn't worry too much. His reaction was OTT, but look people can have a bad day and as long as it's not a regular thing, I would just tell him there's no need to shout/swear

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/09/2025 19:08

"In the past yes my brother had shouted at me. Because of the large age gap I was always told by my parents to respect him. He is always the poor victim in their eyes eg all his relationships have broken down because his partner cheated or was crazy or selfish."
Respect him? What your parents should have been doing was to tell him off for shouting at you. Honestly, it sounds as if your parents' behaviour towards your brother has trained him to be a complete arsehole. As for being a 'victim' in all his relationships - pfft! He has been an arsehole to his partners and they have rightly walked away.

Not sure I wouldn't be stepping back from your parents as well as your brother. I certainly wouldn't be responding to any pleas for help from them if it benefitted your brother in any way, e.g. asking you to help them with taking care of brother's dog, or asking you to do something to free them up to take care of brother's dog. Fuck that shit, as the saying goes. They created this Golden Child, they can lie on the bed they made.

Northernladdette · 15/09/2025 19:03

I think you can consider this dealt with 🙂

JayJayj · 15/09/2025 18:58

I’d much prefer someone to create a new profile. My nephew once watched something on mine. It kept giving me recommendations similar and it was not something I would ever watch. Also if it’s something they are also watching? I don’t see how it’s a big deal to anyone.

It was either the code, as others have suggested or they can only have so many watching at once.

tara66 · 15/09/2025 18:56

Dog Walker - people who are not able to look after their own dogs need to PAY for services of a dog walker. Send him a bill!

Winter2020 · 15/09/2025 18:42

Your brother sounds vile (grabbing your son’s wrist and being angry you drank some juice when you are round doing him a favour). He treats you and your son with contempt and I would only continue to be civil to him for your parents sake. Definitely no more favours - he can piss off!

Oldwmn · 15/09/2025 18:36

Oldwmn · 15/09/2025 18:35

I think he did. When you log on to Netflix, it stays logged on so but he made his own profile so as not to disturb the uncle's show. Far from 'messing about', the lad was being thoughtful. The ghastly girl couldn't log in because she was abroad. Netflix is very hot on this nowadays.

Show quote history

*I don't think he did.

Worndownbyit · 15/09/2025 18:36

Your brother has 2 options, get a dog walker/daycare sorted for HIS dog or else rehome it to someone who actually wants a dog.
To ask favours of you and your elderly parents then verbally abuse you is unacceptable on every level. You and your parents need to stop immediately.

Oldwmn · 15/09/2025 18:35

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:17

You were doing them a favour, however why on earth did you let your son log on to Netflix and make a profile for himself? He could have watched under an existing profile. Going forward just say no to helping and let them sort out a dog sitter.

Edited

I think he did. When you log on to Netflix, it stays logged on so but he made his own profile so as not to disturb the uncle's show. Far from 'messing about', the lad was being thoughtful. The ghastly girl couldn't log in because she was abroad. Netflix is very hot on this nowadays.

Daftypants · 15/09/2025 18:24

He’s completely unreasonable, ok he apologised but I’d not help him out in his home again .
they will need to get a dog sitter or use dog daycare .
I had a sibling call me and shout at me , not swear at me but they were really unpleasant
So I blocked their number for a while and I’m low contact with them now , only speak if I absolutely need to

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