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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
ThisAzureBear · 15/09/2025 21:48

Not unreasonable at all, very entitled of them. You and your parents need to explain that the current situation is not tenable anymore and suggests he either finds a dog sitter/walker for the dog or look at rehoming the poor thing. You look after you and your DC's. Wishing you well.

Hedgehogbrown · 15/09/2025 21:48

Timeforabitofpeace · 14/09/2025 15:41

Your db and his dd are both incredibly rude and both short tempered. Thats the key message. On a tiny note, I don’t think your son should have created a profile on his Netflix page.

😂 😂 😂
Have you got niblings? I turned on my Disney+ one day to find five profiles added from both sisters and all their kids! It's family. How cold do you have to be to be annoyed about that
?

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 21:45

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 15/09/2025 21:04

Thank you for the replies to my update. What has really shocked me is that I feel he has basically threatened my mum by saying we need to move on or it will split the family.

He also said he would not choose between his daughter and the rest of us. But no one has asked him to? He is the one making this go nuclear now!!

No one has said we should never talk again. He is the one who has been nasty!

He also said 'well I learnt from my father because he used to scream and shout when I was young'. So nothing is his fault.

All the years my parents have made excuses for him and been oh he is the victim he is so nice and such a good man I really am questioning this.

He was always allowed girlfriends to stay over when he was a teenager where as I was never even allowed my regular boyfriend to stay over at 21years old. We also have an older sister who is very low contact with him. She has said things in the past about my parents making excuses for him now I see the truth as everyone always made out she was the problem!!!

One incident from years ago sticks in my mind. We went to a family event many miles away. I was single at the time and booked a family room with my sister and her kids to share the cost. My parents booked a double room in the same b and b. Sister and I went to the b and b booked in and got parents keys for them for later. Went to event and gave parents their keys. Brother turns up at event. He was meant to be staying at another relatives house on their sofa bed with two of his kid. (not the daughter I have mentioned now. She wasn't born yet.). He turns up at the even with his kids and new girlfriend in tow. Leaves the kids with my mum and dad and asked if he can use their room to change in. Him and girlfriend disappear to the b and b for several hours. Mum and Dad look after kids. They return to the party. Lets just say parents now would not want to sleep in the bed back in their b and b. In the evening brother and his girlfriend go back to the b and b without the kids. Parents end up sleeping on the sofa bed at relatives house with two very tearful and upset kids. One of whom it turned out had chickenpox that was still not fully scabbed over.

In the morning sister and I come down to breakfast and brother and girlfriend are enjoying a full English. My parents never said a word. Sister and I were shocked. He never paid them for the room. If I or my sister had done this my parents would have gone mad and we would never have lived it down.

Oh well I am seeing clearly now.

You need to talk to your mum about this. Use it as an example of how utterly VILE he is, and if he wants to cut himself off, so be it.

Im speechless.

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 21:43

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

Umm no? Not her responsibility!!!

KatSlayMoon · 15/09/2025 21:42

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

I’ve genuinely heard it all now. Do some women really value themselves so little? What about the OP’s sake? What about her son’s sake? Are you mad?

Wreckinball · 15/09/2025 21:32

Without the drama layers your D(?)B is adding- not having time for your dog = rehome it or pay for doggy day care.
As the saga drags on and your DB brings other stuff into it, perhaps try to get your parents to focus on the commitment that your brother and his daughter need to make to the dog

SeeYouInHell · 15/09/2025 21:29

He needs to pay a professional to do this. It’s not your responsibility and DEFINITELY not that of your elderly parents.
I feel for you, OP. It was so kind of you to help him out for so long. I can’t fathom his ingratitude.
No good deed goes unpunished.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 21:28

also, I’m an animal lover, but actually if you continue to do this, you’re enabling him to keep a dog that he is unable to look after properly.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 21:27

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:14

Thanks for your reply. Is it really that bad that he added a profile he is 12 and I didn’t think it was a big detail. Also how do you change the password on the tv? I tried on my account at home and could only log out and reset the password by sending an email to my account?

my son didn’t know the old password or have access to my brother’s email so how would he be able to change it? I am genuinely curious.

Also even if he did mess it up is it really okay to swear and shout at someone for their child doing this? When I am being told ‘your bloody son’. It isn’t like he bought £2000 of v bucks on his credit card.

Show quote history

If my nephew made a profile it would make me smile to see it. I’d also be pleased to see he had something to do while he was stuck in my house because he and his mum were doing me a favour. I’d never dream of saying something if it inadvertently caused an issue. Honestly, tell him to stick it.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/09/2025 21:25

You need to tell your parents that you are not dog sitting and why. Leave them to make their own decisions.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/09/2025 21:24

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

Wholeheartedly disagree. Well maybe release the bitterness but stay the hell away.

Destructive golden children only learn their lesson when left isolated and alone because of their destructive ways. You'll actually be doing him a favour by removing yourself.

I know you mean well but unless you've experienced the bullying and abusive behaviour from golden children, you don't realise how unsafe you feel in their company.

Facecloth · 15/09/2025 21:23

diddl · 15/09/2025 21:12

Your brother is awful and enabled by your parents.

Yup.

I wouldn't be feeling too sorry for them tbh.

Your parents are awful people too.
This is your life and your poor sons for as long as you allow your bully brother and parents dictate to you.

Let your parents be upset.
Stay away from them all.

No family is better than family like that, unless you actual enjoy drama.

Drop the rope.

Duckyfondant · 15/09/2025 21:21

He shouted at and hurt your son! Then blamed him for something else he didn't do. Sod being polite to him

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/09/2025 21:21

He must be the golden child and has gotten away with this horrible behaviour his whole life...hence his current entitlement. I feel awful for you op but I do blame your parents. The incident with b&b shows his mentality and how he knew he cpuld get away with it. Other parents would lose their shit.

I have empathy as my older brother is the same. A horrible entitled individual, spoiled since birth. He has destroyed all goodwill people have towards him, thinks he is a king, is abusive and self-centered, would never go out of his way to help others except if it helped his golden boy image, thinks the sun shines out of his arse, takes everything done for him for granted...yet my parents will never confront him. So after years, ive realised its their fault. I remember him being up in my mother's face cursing...yet she deflected and blamed his behaviour on someone else. I've never raised my voice at my mother.

I also remember him bringing his girlfriend home and sleeping in my parents room whilst younger siblings were at home but parents away 🤮 vile, horrible person. They must be clones.

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 15/09/2025 21:14

The more you write about him the more obvious it is that he is a vile human. Don't do him any more favours, please. If the family splits it's on him and him alone.

diddl · 15/09/2025 21:12

Your brother is awful and enabled by your parents.

Yup.

I wouldn't be feeling too sorry for them tbh.

mswales · 15/09/2025 21:10

Totally disagree with posters saying he shouldn’t have set up a profile. It’s way way more annoying if someone uses your profile to watch something of theirs, because then that programme and suggestions for other programmes like it appear on your profile. It changes your algorithm and this is really annoying especially if it’s a child who’s done it. Also, you can only get all the child content if you use a child profile.

nomas · 15/09/2025 21:09

Your brother is awful and enabled by your parents.

It sounds like he wants everyone to move so he can demand you dogsit again!

I think your plan to be polite shouold you see him somewhere in good, but please don’t resume the favours like dog sitting! He sees you as an unpaid skivvy, and your son as the skivvy’s son who dared to touch the master’s things!

CatchTheWind1920 · 15/09/2025 21:09

Not that this is the point, but I think you said your niece is abroad...she may not be able to access it from abroad if they have reached maximum devices.

That being said... Even IF your son changed it "by accident", that's not a reason to complain/blow up about it. Just change it back. Especially when someone is doing you a favour.

Sounds like everyone panders to your brother and his daughter now feels she deserves the same treatment.c

Original poster
Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 15/09/2025 21:04

Thank you for the replies to my update. What has really shocked me is that I feel he has basically threatened my mum by saying we need to move on or it will split the family.

He also said he would not choose between his daughter and the rest of us. But no one has asked him to? He is the one making this go nuclear now!!

No one has said we should never talk again. He is the one who has been nasty!

He also said 'well I learnt from my father because he used to scream and shout when I was young'. So nothing is his fault.

All the years my parents have made excuses for him and been oh he is the victim he is so nice and such a good man I really am questioning this.

He was always allowed girlfriends to stay over when he was a teenager where as I was never even allowed my regular boyfriend to stay over at 21years old. We also have an older sister who is very low contact with him. She has said things in the past about my parents making excuses for him now I see the truth as everyone always made out she was the problem!!!

One incident from years ago sticks in my mind. We went to a family event many miles away. I was single at the time and booked a family room with my sister and her kids to share the cost. My parents booked a double room in the same b and b. Sister and I went to the b and b booked in and got parents keys for them for later. Went to event and gave parents their keys. Brother turns up at event. He was meant to be staying at another relatives house on their sofa bed with two of his kid. (not the daughter I have mentioned now. She wasn't born yet.). He turns up at the even with his kids and new girlfriend in tow. Leaves the kids with my mum and dad and asked if he can use their room to change in. Him and girlfriend disappear to the b and b for several hours. Mum and Dad look after kids. They return to the party. Lets just say parents now would not want to sleep in the bed back in their b and b. In the evening brother and his girlfriend go back to the b and b without the kids. Parents end up sleeping on the sofa bed at relatives house with two very tearful and upset kids. One of whom it turned out had chickenpox that was still not fully scabbed over.

In the morning sister and I come down to breakfast and brother and girlfriend are enjoying a full English. My parents never said a word. Sister and I were shocked. He never paid them for the room. If I or my sister had done this my parents would have gone mad and we would never have lived it down.

Oh well I am seeing clearly now.

OP posts:
Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/09/2025 21:03

Your brother is rude and entitled. Please don’t back down this is an important lesson in ‘don’t bite the hand that feeds you!’

Om83 · 15/09/2025 21:01

It’s not like a new Netflix profile would cost anything- it’s what teens do these days- all mine watch is Netflix or you tube now- would never just watch terrestrial tv so there really isn’t an issue with that. The brother didn’t even have an issue with that and as has been established no way could have changed passwords - likely daughter couldn’t log in at same time or not set up to use abroad. She sounds like a complete spoilt brat who has her dad wrapped around her little finger- getting a dog in the first place, going mad at her elderly grandma.

i’d go low contact and keep well clear, after telling them they need to get a proper dog sitter.

KatSlayMoon · 15/09/2025 20:50

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 15/09/2025 20:33

Thank you @KatSlayMoon you made me laugh out with your comparison.

Not sure if people are interested but I have an update.

No contact from my brother to me over the last two days. My mum saw to the dog on Sunday (yesterday). Today my brother was off work and my mum thought he would come in person to apologize to me. He didn't and to be honest I never thought he would. My mum phoned him this evening to say she was surprised he had not apologized in person.

I wish she hadn't because I could have told her it would not end well. He said he had already apologized. (A short message saying he was sorry for speaking to me like that but he was stressed.). He continued to say we had messed up netflix and changed the password because his daughter could not login. He told my mum he does not watch it and it is only for her! My mum told him about his daughter's rude message but he ignored this and said it was my son's fault for playing with the Netflix. If he had not used it and added his profile non of this would have happened!!!! What him loosing his temper is down to a 12 year old adding a Netflix profile? He then said to my mum well I didn't swear at her as in he did not call me a c*t or a f*er. He had just used swear words. Um he told me he was fing ped off and kept repeating the f word whilst shouting at me! But in his words this is okay as he did not swear at me!!!!

He told my mum not to do the dog this week and also not to go round to pass over some keys to a workman who was coming in. The workman was coming in later in the week when his daughter was back but was coming early about 7am. As she would still be in bed he had asked my parents to go round to open the door as the daughter said she would not be able to wake up and would just throw the key out the window!!!

He then told my mum we all need to move on other wise this would split the family!!!

My mum is now really sad and I am feeling guilty but non of this is on me. I said to mum I would be polite for hersake.

Show quote history

OP this is ridiculous. Why is your whole family facilitating this man’s life? When did this behaviour begin because it’s not normal. I have a FT job, pets and responsibilities and at no point would I ever expect two generations of my family to run around after me!

Why have you and your mum accepted this behaviour for so long? He sounds like a misogynistic arsehole.

Maybe spend ten minutes doing a rough calculation of the amount of time in hours/days/weeks you have spent running around after this man and his dog in the last few years and think what you could have done with that time. That is your time and you deserve to have it. The past is the past but you need to break this pattern now. Also think about the example you are setting your son in your response to this. You are showing him that bullies should not be placated and that his mum deserves respect. Stick to your guns.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 15/09/2025 20:49

This is all so sad, OP I'm really pleased you are doing the freedom program. It sounds like you have grown up being taught that you were not as important as your brother, otherwise you wouldn't have just kept listening while he was swearing at you.
You are worth as much as anyone else, and you can hang up on anyone who treats you like that.
You don't have to take it.
I'm hoping that you are beginning to see that now. And I hope your son also knows that the way his uncle treated him was very wrong, and that you are both keeping away from him as much as possible now.
Your parents have enabled his behaviour all his life and I doubt if they can change now. His string of failed relationships tells its own story, right down to blaming his ex's for the failures. Never his fault, eh.

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