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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
Falseknock · 16/09/2025 09:44

GleisZwei · 16/09/2025 08:24

No.
HTH

Show quote history

I will always follow Netflix's instructions rather than someone else's opinion. Opinions don't always help when it's written clearly in the instructions. HTH

LilacReader · 16/09/2025 09:41

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:25

Well I suppose it the old saying “no good deed goes unpunished’.

I won’t offer to do things for them putting myself and my son out. I still don’t understand why creating a profile was that bad. Could someone explain? Again he is only 12. It not like he stole or broke anything. And even if he broke something it would be an accident and I would offer to pay. I am always the first to apologise and own up if I do something wrong.

It's not bad or a big deal to add a profile if there are a few spaces left - especially by someone who is doing a 'free' massive favour for them constantly. I think most of us would think that was an odd thing to get worked up about.

OP you sound lovely and so helpful x

GleisZwei · 16/09/2025 09:25

Pleasedontputthatthere · 16/09/2025 09:19

Even if it was your 12 yo nephew whose mother was doing you a huge and ongoing favour.

I find the focus on Netflix completely batshit. The profile can be deleted, it's just a TV channel!

Show quote history

I wouldn't take advantage the way OP's brother has, in the first instance, but I would prefer a quick 'can I add a profile?' if someone was in my house. It's quite simple. HTH

Pleasedontputthatthere · 16/09/2025 09:19

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 16:38

I wouldn't be happy if someone just added a profile without at least asking first.

Show quote history

Even if it was your 12 yo nephew whose mother was doing you a huge and ongoing favour.

I find the focus on Netflix completely batshit. The profile can be deleted, it's just a TV channel!

FlyMeSomewhere · 16/09/2025 09:02

Blushingm · 14/09/2025 16:38

Neither would I - it’s really rude!

Show quote history

It's his young nephew who just wanted to save a few kids programmes to his own profile rather than someone else! Would those of you demonising the kid for it really be that hostile to your own family who are doing you a favour? Why is rude for him to just have his own place to start stuff he can watch whilst at his uncles!

eastegg · 16/09/2025 08:40

BilbaoBaggage · 14/09/2025 19:34

I have had several visitors create new profiles on Netflix. It has never occurred to me that this was something I should be getting upset about. It takes a matter of seconds to create and equally few to delete. It is completely harmless and certainly doesn't deserve shouting about.

This! My 8 year old DS’s little friend did one. Cute!

GleisZwei · 16/09/2025 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No.
HTH

MomsGotInk · 16/09/2025 08:04

Your brother is an ungrateful dickhead. He cussed his nephew out for making a Netflix profile when you’re doing him a massive favour?
let him pay someone to walk/watch HIS dog-which is in no way yours or your parents responsibility btw. Sorry he was so unpleasant when you were helping him. ❤️

historyrepeatz · 16/09/2025 05:51

Please keep the boundaries you have set. They are so easily dropped by people who feel bad for having them. You are not responsible if your parents do more because you aren’t there. You can’t make them have boundaries.

I don't understand all the anger about Netflix, I think these people don’t understand how it works or are shit people to be close to. If someone popped over for a cuppa and started setting up a profile that would be weird. You are not someone, you are family doing them yet another huge favour. You were spending so much time doing stuff for him and he begrudged your son a Netflix profile and a glass of juice. I’m so grateful to my sisters for pet sitting for me. They spent a lot of time in my home. The message was to please help themselves, stay over if you want, enjoy the garden (they don’t have one) eat / drink what you like. They set up a profile for themselves on Netflix and always leave us a little message or add pictures and things to our fridge calendar. We love it.

As a pp said, concentrate on you and DS and enriching your lives. If your DS loves dogs and you can’t have one you might be able to find a friend or neighbour and borrow their dog for walks etc. When I was at school I had a friend who did this.

Even if your DS had done something wrong your brother acted horrendously. His “bloody daughter” seems to be a big problem and maybe not fallen far from the rotting tree. Stop giving either of them any of you or your time, they don’t deserve you. Try not to let your empathy for the poor dog break your new boundaries.

BeAzureRaven · 16/09/2025 02:47

Your brother is an ungrateful wretch. So sorry. I’d stay out of it from here on. Your parents are adults—they can say no. (Poor dog, though)

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/09/2025 00:32

Worndownbyit · 15/09/2025 18:36

Your brother has 2 options, get a dog walker/daycare sorted for HIS dog or else rehome it to someone who actually wants a dog.
To ask favours of you and your elderly parents then verbally abuse you is unacceptable on every level. You and your parents need to stop immediately.

Yes. I think that if you and your parents stand firm and stay stepped back from his problems, that he will be forced to adopt one of those options. above.

He will then see that the dog is a responsibility and not something he can' just offload.

You need to put your son, yourself and to some extent your parents as your priority If you have any doubts/evidence about the dog's care, report DB to the RSPCA

Your brother is old enough and nasty enough to look after himself and his own concerns from now on.

standtherebicycle · 15/09/2025 23:13

Bring the dog to live with you, and invite them to walk it if/when they're free, if you want to. Meet them at the gate with the lead and ball.

Falseknock · 15/09/2025 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PotatoLove · 15/09/2025 22:29

Both DB and DN sound like a pair of rude ungrateful twats.

Imisscoffee2021 · 15/09/2025 22:24

My brother used to have our little sister look after his dogs when she was a teen and he was working late nights. He'd give her money for a taxi and a takeaway and then complain she never gave him the change (which must have been pennies), when she was looking after his dogs most of a day and night! Think he loves his dogs that much he thinks of it as a but of a treat for other people to be blessed with their furry presence, and the joys of picking up dog crap!

Sounds similar to yours though yours is worse, it probably happened that creating an extra profile meant the account had hit its limit so his daughter couldn't log in overseas but that's the definition of a first world problem. She can moan to him but that's where it should have stopped.

globalnomad25 · 15/09/2025 22:15

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:14

Thanks for your reply. Is it really that bad that he added a profile he is 12 and I didn’t think it was a big detail. Also how do you change the password on the tv? I tried on my account at home and could only log out and reset the password by sending an email to my account?

my son didn’t know the old password or have access to my brother’s email so how would he be able to change it? I am genuinely curious.

Also even if he did mess it up is it really okay to swear and shout at someone for their child doing this? When I am being told ‘your bloody son’. It isn’t like he bought £2000 of v bucks on his credit card.

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s bad at ALL. In fact, I think your son did the ‘polite’ thing to create a profile - that way he doesn’t mess up their algorithm with his own 12-year-old programme choices or change their episode position. It’s modern-day good etiquette.

We have a separate profile called ‘Guest’ on our Netflix for exactly that reason - so that visitors, babysitters etc can watch what they like. We don’t ‘instruct’ anyone to use this profile by the way; but they invariably do. it’s a win/win.

DBD1975 · 15/09/2025 22:05

Your brother is totally irresponsible to get a dog without being able to look after it.
I don't need to know anything other than that to know he is a selfish, hideous, horrible person
The dog needs to be rehomed to people who will look after it rather than regard as little more than a part time hobby.

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 15/09/2025 22:04

Bizarre all the people with knickers in a twist about adding a profile. It doesn’t cost, it doesn’t require delving into settings you just do it from the load screen, and the kid doesn’t retain access to it or anything, it’s attached purely to this users account - so they can just delete it again. It doesn’t mess with the main users algorithms (far more annoying) and doesn’t really do any harm at all. Especially as a family member.

Also, you can use Netflix abroad, I have done so on TVs in rented apartments. It just logs you out after 14 days and makes you re-sign in as the main user to approve it.

nomas · 15/09/2025 21:58

Twinmum345 · 15/09/2025 21:55

You can’t lot into Netflix from another country since they changed their rules. That will be why they can’t log in

Yes, they are utter, utter knobs. Blaming a child for their own lack of knowledge.

FunMustard · 15/09/2025 21:57

Seriously what is his fucking problem that he doesn't know how to reset his own password. What an absolute arsehole to not just deal with it, and to shout at you about it.

GleisZwei · 15/09/2025 21:57

Falseknock · 15/09/2025 21:49

Why don't you be an adult and admit you're wrong. "Rightio" is what a child would say. I am assuming you are a grown woman not a teenage girl?

Show quote history

Rightio, I've to change my opinion because you told me to. Sure.

Hedgehogbrown · 15/09/2025 21:57

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:37

so my son should sit their touching nothing when I am doing them a favour and looking after their dog. It is my brother. I’m not the actual dog sitter helping myself to their food and watching their tv. I am a family member helping out. I thought I had a closer relationship with him and his daughter. Obviously not.

well problem solved as we won’t be there again unless as guests with my brother there. I have said I will only enter the house if he is there. I got my mum to leave the keys I had for him. So his tv and Netflix are safe.

Show quote history

Making a Netflix profile is fine! Do the responders here even have siblings or niblings? My nieces all have set up their own profiles as they are family and knew I wouldn't mind. Ridiculous answers from some people.

Twinmum345 · 15/09/2025 21:55

You can’t lot into Netflix from another country since they changed their rules. That will be why they can’t log in

Falseknock · 15/09/2025 21:49

GleisZwei · 15/09/2025 13:57

Rightio.

Show quote history

Why don't you be an adult and admit you're wrong. "Rightio" is what a child would say. I am assuming you are a grown woman not a teenage girl?

Beerpink · 15/09/2025 21:49

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

Sounds to me like your parents need to have some boundaries and not he pushovers

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