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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
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Starlight7080 · 21/09/2025 09:51

This is awful behaviour.
I would ignore him completely. He obviously needs all of you more then you do him. He uses you all . And his daughter sounds like a lazy brat .
Avoid and dont feel guilty about it .
He wont change

napody · 21/09/2025 09:35

ChangingWeight · 16/09/2025 13:46

To be honest I don’t think this needs to be a big blow up. Accept his apology but say you won’t be dog sitting, you don’t want to tensions getting high again or risk deteriorating your relationship as the dog sitting has become a point of contention.

I’d personally just start there, before deciding whether to cut off your family or not. It might just blow over.

The first paragraph- think this is the way to handle it.
It won't satisfy him though as he's not fussed about 'making up' he just wants you to do as you're told! But it puts you in control of the narrative and he can't paint you as 'overemotional'.

napody · 21/09/2025 09:32

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 21:27

If my nephew made a profile it would make me smile to see it. I’d also be pleased to see he had something to do while he was stuck in my house because he and his mum were doing me a favour. I’d never dream of saying something if it inadvertently caused an issue. Honestly, tell him to stick it.

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I found this unexpectedly moving. Yes, if your nephew made a profile it would make you smile to see it. That's normal in a loving family. You like being reminded of each other.

Itiswhysofew · 18/09/2025 10:12

Yes. Move on from him, I'd say.

One day he'll realise how badly he's behaved.

Rubyupbeat · 18/09/2025 09:24

Rehome not recommend

Rubyupbeat · 18/09/2025 09:23

That poor lonely dog and what a nasty piece of work your brother is, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in your niece either.
Please try to encourage them to recommend their dog.

Hollybollyhughes · 18/09/2025 07:20

What an ungrateful, nasty piece of shite your brother is. I'm pretty sure you can't alter a Netflix account unless you are the account holder either, might be wrong but even so, BIG BLOODY DEAL. There are dog sitters available through a professional site but he'll have to pay which incidentally is what he should have done with you. No one, not even family should feel obliged to assist, it's an inconvenience and it's his responsibility to sort out doggy care. He should apologise in person too, not via cowardly text messages.

Phoenixfire1988 · 16/09/2025 21:37

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:50

Thank you everyone who has replied you are making me feel better about saying I won't dog sit again. I normally get on with my brother however he has always been able to do no wrong in my parents' eyes whilst I have had much stricter rules being a girl. Thank you @PinkArt for putting it so well - I felt the same what had happened were hardly heinous crimes.

Yes my son probably should not have created his own profile but he thought he was helping so he would not affect any of their shows or lists. Once before there was a comment about us drinking some juice from one of about 5 cartons. Not a whole carton just a couple of glasses, and not from the carton in glasses. My parents had been told to eat or drink anything they liked whilst around there. However comments were made about the juice!

Anyway thank you again I will stick to my guns and no more dog sitting. Also I won't feel guilty about my parents as they are adults and can say no. However I know they won't.

Your parents not saying no is not your issue if they complain just remind them they don't have to do it they are choosing to he sounds like an absolute peice of work and the apple isn't fall far from the tree with his daughter

LouiseK93 · 16/09/2025 20:46

Your parents do not HAVE to do anything especially looking after their entitled sons dog! What a shit bag your brother is.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 16/09/2025 19:40

GleisZwei · 14/09/2025 17:58

I've already replied to similar comments. RTFT.

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Thank you 👍🏼

I Love You Kiss GIF by Franziska Höllbacher
gottalottodo · 16/09/2025 18:14

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 15:35

Your brother is a nasty piece of work. Hell would freeze over before I looked after his dog again or did him any sort of favours at all. Nope, don’t need that in my life, fuck him.

Edited

Absolutely agree

FormidableMizzP · 16/09/2025 18:07

OMG!! Big hug to you jolenepleasetakeawaymyman (great name!)
You are now seeing your brother for the total and utter selfish, arrogant, cnt fck that he is. It's always the ones who really need therapy that believe they don't - he definitely does. A texted apology is not good enough after the way he bllcked you, who the hell does he think he is exactly!? Clearly he's accustomed to women falling all over him 🤢 You mention several offspring but am left wondering whether he's jealous that you have son(s)?

Even I as the account holder find resetting Netflix password on the TV a total faff and am not a techno dinosaur, but you get a code you have to put in the TV and yes, brother would've been emailed. Asking your brother to add one for next time would've been safer but sounds like your brother is a techno dinosaur rather like my ex, has minions at the office do it for him. Your son could have found kids channels on the TV but am guessing you don't have Netflix hence the compulsion.

My brother is 4yrs younger than me and the golden child. Only last year -in our 50s!- did we get a chance to sit and talk for the 1st time ever and he realised how much harder our parents had been on me compared to him (and the extent of our Mum's shit stirring while our Dad stood by and let it happen!) and our relationship is so much better now. I 🙏 for this for you and your sister but wouldn't hold my breath!

Although you say your parents are adults he has clearly walked all over them for years and now in their twilight years they may need your help to stand up to him. They may be those parents that 'need' to do him favours/help, to stay a part of his life, but he clearly doesnt give a t*ss. I'd be tempted to put his contact info into online enquiries for dog sitters in your area . . .

Poppyfun1 · 16/09/2025 15:08

Your brother is a class a pr**k.

mrswhiplington · 16/09/2025 14:39

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

Is this a joke? Have you read the updates?

theonlygirl · 16/09/2025 13:59

The only way in which you are being unreasonable is spending time wondering if you've being unreasonable. Stop wasting emotional energy on all of them, including your parents. If your entitled brother and neice bought a dog on the assumption elderly parents would take care of it, let it play out. You dont need to fix everything for everyone.

ChangingWeight · 16/09/2025 13:46

To be honest I don’t think this needs to be a big blow up. Accept his apology but say you won’t be dog sitting, you don’t want to tensions getting high again or risk deteriorating your relationship as the dog sitting has become a point of contention.

I’d personally just start there, before deciding whether to cut off your family or not. It might just blow over.

MaurineWayBack · 16/09/2025 13:39

Your parents have created the exact right situation for him to learn that he could act like a CF and it was ok.
So I’d be very careful to say ‘he is now bullying her parents. Oh poor them’.

Theyve chosen to forgive his awful attitude repeatedly. History shows that. They’ll forgive him again until it reaches the point where they can’t physically do the stuff he is asking for. (Like asking them to be up at 7.00am because it’s impossible to disturb his dd. WTF).

The best you can do is ensure you still have a relationship with your parents (if you want to).
I’d reach out to your older sister too. I’m sure she’ll appreciate knowing you see things like she does. And that she now has support in the family!
And very LC sounds bliss tbh.

Hopingtobeaparent · 16/09/2025 13:38

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 15/09/2025 21:04

Thank you for the replies to my update. What has really shocked me is that I feel he has basically threatened my mum by saying we need to move on or it will split the family.

He also said he would not choose between his daughter and the rest of us. But no one has asked him to? He is the one making this go nuclear now!!

No one has said we should never talk again. He is the one who has been nasty!

He also said 'well I learnt from my father because he used to scream and shout when I was young'. So nothing is his fault.

All the years my parents have made excuses for him and been oh he is the victim he is so nice and such a good man I really am questioning this.

He was always allowed girlfriends to stay over when he was a teenager where as I was never even allowed my regular boyfriend to stay over at 21years old. We also have an older sister who is very low contact with him. She has said things in the past about my parents making excuses for him now I see the truth as everyone always made out she was the problem!!!

One incident from years ago sticks in my mind. We went to a family event many miles away. I was single at the time and booked a family room with my sister and her kids to share the cost. My parents booked a double room in the same b and b. Sister and I went to the b and b booked in and got parents keys for them for later. Went to event and gave parents their keys. Brother turns up at event. He was meant to be staying at another relatives house on their sofa bed with two of his kid. (not the daughter I have mentioned now. She wasn't born yet.). He turns up at the even with his kids and new girlfriend in tow. Leaves the kids with my mum and dad and asked if he can use their room to change in. Him and girlfriend disappear to the b and b for several hours. Mum and Dad look after kids. They return to the party. Lets just say parents now would not want to sleep in the bed back in their b and b. In the evening brother and his girlfriend go back to the b and b without the kids. Parents end up sleeping on the sofa bed at relatives house with two very tearful and upset kids. One of whom it turned out had chickenpox that was still not fully scabbed over.

In the morning sister and I come down to breakfast and brother and girlfriend are enjoying a full English. My parents never said a word. Sister and I were shocked. He never paid them for the room. If I or my sister had done this my parents would have gone mad and we would never have lived it down.

Oh well I am seeing clearly now.

With family like this, no wonder you got caught up in an abusive marriage, OP!!

No/minimal contact with the lot of them, I’d suggest.

Really glad you’re doing the Freedom Programme soon. That should really help!

Good luck!

Hopingtobeaparent · 16/09/2025 13:28

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:50

Thank you everyone who has replied you are making me feel better about saying I won't dog sit again. I normally get on with my brother however he has always been able to do no wrong in my parents' eyes whilst I have had much stricter rules being a girl. Thank you @PinkArt for putting it so well - I felt the same what had happened were hardly heinous crimes.

Yes my son probably should not have created his own profile but he thought he was helping so he would not affect any of their shows or lists. Once before there was a comment about us drinking some juice from one of about 5 cartons. Not a whole carton just a couple of glasses, and not from the carton in glasses. My parents had been told to eat or drink anything they liked whilst around there. However comments were made about the juice!

Anyway thank you again I will stick to my guns and no more dog sitting. Also I won't feel guilty about my parents as they are adults and can say no. However I know they won't.

Absolutely agree with other PP’s. He’s a nasty piece of work, and a massive CF, his daughter too! Ungrateful wankers.

Defo create/hold those boundaries. Your parents really need to too!! While having a purpose can help them keep going when getting older, this doesn’t sound right, and he’s an entitled, spoilt brat!!

FlyMeSomewhere · 16/09/2025 13:05

zingally · 16/09/2025 10:22

I'd have done the same as you. Accept the apology, but know that hell will freeze over before I'd help with the dog again. I'd probably be telling the aged parents to say the same thing.

Similar happened to me a few years back.

I lived in a flat at the time, fine and dandy, but really not dog-suitable. Best friend asked if I'd have their elderly, very gentle dog for 24 hours while they went to a family party some hours away. I wasn't super-keen but said yes.
She told me they'd drop him off at lunchtime, and pick him up the following lunch time.

Anyway, the day comes, and the doorbell rings at 9am. It's friend and dog, "we're dropping him off now because your house is on the way to DSs gymnastics lesson." 9am isn't lunchtime by anyone's book.
The next day, 1pm I text asking if they're nearly back. Get a reply that they're just leaving the party location now... In other words, 2+ hours away.
I text at 3... "We're just stopped at the services..."
I text at 4... "We're at home just having something to eat..." GIRL, you'd have had to practically drive past my flat on the way back to yours!
4:30 she rocks up, DD in tow, brandishing a bunch of flowers. Couldn't be cross in-front of the kid. But again, not lunch time.

Needless to say, although there have been a few hints over the years, I've NEVER offered to dog-sit for them since. She blew it by taking the piss.

Dog sitting can definitely come with challenges, years ago I had a friend who had a rottie and she asked if we'd dog sit her a couple times whilst she and her partner had weekends away. The problem was that they got her as a pup and you can't house train a pup properly if you are both out at work all day.

When we got the dog, she just wouldn't go to toilet! No matter how many times she was walked or let in the garden, she wouldn't go! Age would finally do it all on our kitchen floor or hall carpet overnight on the second night when she couldn't hold it in anymore. My friend said she had the same issue because the dog associated going to the toilet with puppy mats on my friends kitchen floor! So we had to stop looking after her as we also felt worried for her health to see her holding it in for so long.

Lookingatabookshelf · 16/09/2025 12:26

Yeah, following your updates you've done the right thing. I think it's very low level interaction or preferably non at all with your brother and possibly low contact with your parents. They caused this monster! Perhaps interact with your sister? Basically he is abusive and you don't have to take it. I also hate anyone who dramatically declares do what I want or you split the family up. The family is already split! Also you are an adult with your own shit going on, you don't need this or in reality a sub optimal family dynamic. Let yourself move beyond them you will feel better in the long run.

Falseknock · 16/09/2025 10:30

(Edited to spell write properly, because my tired brain cannot take any more of the rambling directed at me. HTH)

@GleisZwei Have a break from the internet. You're the one telling posters who make sense "HTH". Op brother and niece are now going to abuse their mother/grandmother. What you are posting won't help her all she can do is do as she is told. Arguing over Netflix is so trivial and pointless that it has now made you tired. The brother and his daughter will continue to stamp their feet and abuse everyone in the family. It doesn't help.

zingally · 16/09/2025 10:22

I'd have done the same as you. Accept the apology, but know that hell will freeze over before I'd help with the dog again. I'd probably be telling the aged parents to say the same thing.

Similar happened to me a few years back.

I lived in a flat at the time, fine and dandy, but really not dog-suitable. Best friend asked if I'd have their elderly, very gentle dog for 24 hours while they went to a family party some hours away. I wasn't super-keen but said yes.
She told me they'd drop him off at lunchtime, and pick him up the following lunch time.

Anyway, the day comes, and the doorbell rings at 9am. It's friend and dog, "we're dropping him off now because your house is on the way to DSs gymnastics lesson." 9am isn't lunchtime by anyone's book.
The next day, 1pm I text asking if they're nearly back. Get a reply that they're just leaving the party location now... In other words, 2+ hours away.
I text at 3... "We're just stopped at the services..."
I text at 4... "We're at home just having something to eat..." GIRL, you'd have had to practically drive past my flat on the way back to yours!
4:30 she rocks up, DD in tow, brandishing a bunch of flowers. Couldn't be cross in-front of the kid. But again, not lunch time.

Needless to say, although there have been a few hints over the years, I've NEVER offered to dog-sit for them since. She blew it by taking the piss.

GleisZwei · 16/09/2025 09:58

Falseknock · 16/09/2025 09:44

I will always follow Netflix's instructions rather than someone else's opinion. Opinions don't always help when it's written clearly in the instructions. HTH

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I honestly have no idea what you are rambling on about tbh, just please stop tagging me. I disagreed with one of your points, ages ago, and you are still tagging me and insulting me and going on and on. I won't be reading anything else. Write as many silly comments as you like, they might end up deleted like the last two!

(Edited to spell write properly, because my tired brain cannot take any more of the rambling directed at me. HTH)

Falseknock · 16/09/2025 09:46

GleisZwei · 16/09/2025 09:25

I wouldn't take advantage the way OP's brother has, in the first instance, but I would prefer a quick 'can I add a profile?' if someone was in my house. It's quite simple. HTH

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The profile can easily be deleted. HTH