To be angry with DH for not coming home?

If your DD suffers from a chronic condition then I'm guessing she's been admitted before and you do have an idea how this will go so unless she's more unstable than before I wouldn't expect him to come home but I would 100% expect him to face time. My husband worked for an Australian company in the UK for 9 years and did twice yearly trips over there. I don't think I would have expected him to come back unless our DC was seriously unwell.

Or not staying in a hotel / generally where he says he is.

There is something extremely odd about the refusal to Facetime if he is not generally a callous twat who doesn't care about his child's feelings.

Have you told him how upset you are?

I wouldnt expect or even ask my DH in these circumstances.

BUT.....i would be absolutely expect him to be FTing everyday single bloody day.

OP said he most definitely is 🤷‍♀️

I’m suspicious he’s not in Australia.

Re: the data usage
Surely under the circumstances his Company would accommodate

Has he said anything to you OP with regards to the above? If he's not mentioned it then that's not the problem here is it, there's something else going on as to why he's refusing to FT you and his ill Daughter

I can see that coming back is not practical when he is working in Australia. By the time he’s flown back she could be out and sounds like she goes in semi regular due to her medical condition

saying all that I would fly home asap if my dd was in hospital

And, to be fair, if there is talk about her being discharged then it doesn’t sound life or death so he prob feels no real rush to get home

However he is totally unreasonable in that he says he can’t FaceTime because he needs his rest. WTF

THATS SO SELFISH OF HIM

There’s something very off here @Coffeeoftheworld.

Not FaceTiming because he’s resting?!

WTF!!

I would seriously question what he’s doing that he can’t call his sick daughter.

Not even speaking to your daughter is very cold and really concerning and not a normal parental reaction at all (unless her condition means she is hospitalised every other week, which it doesn't sound like).

And the reason he has given - because he is 'working or resting' is absolutely pathetic. No colleague / customer / trainer is going to take it badly if someone says 'I'm going to finish half an hour early/ pop out for half an hour to call my child who is sick in hospital'...and 'need to rest' wtaf, nobody normal is too tired to speak to their sick child, and going to bed half an hour later is surely the least he could do to make up for it.

To not even ask to come back early but expect you to be completely off work as well is massively hypocritical. And who is looking after you? He has let you all down massively by not even speaking to you when you need support.

This too. Send a teddy bear, FaceTime once a day, even a phone call.

This. I was very asthmatic as a child and remember clearly my grandmother and mother sitting with me, but my dad was rarely there. We lived ten minutes away and he might pop in to give us something we needed, but his presence wasn’t required. My grandmother, however, was my rock. She was perfectly firm but kind. She didn’t pander to me, but she didn’t ever get hysterical.

of course, I’ve had seriously stays where my dad would come by more often, but it was mostly my grandmother/ mother who nursed me

Coming back is unnecessary but 100% no reason why he can’t face time. He’s a prick.

I sort of understand him not coming home, as long as your arrangement for other DD is working well. It sounds as if the medical problem is not a sudden accident or similar, but something connected to an ongoing issue (even if it’s more serious than usual). Perhaps his work commitments have been set up for a long time, meetings planned with others etc. that would be difficult to reschedule.

The refusal to FaceTime is disgraceful though, especially if DD is asking for him, and I would not hold back from telling him what I thought of him.

is there a chance that his job is on the line on this trip - ie the project is really important and there are upcoming redundancies that he is hoping to avoid being one of? He may be between a rock and a hard place if there is a chance that his company is going through an employee purge? If this were the case, my DH would probably not come home either, but he would tell me so that I’d understand.

But he hasn’t said he can’t do it because of roaming charges or Wi-Fi or anything like that....

The truth is he hasn't said anything. Only OP has. And I've learned that OP's are not renowned for getting everything on the table in the first post, and that aggrieved people don't always report their partner's conversation verbatim.

For instance, we don't know if he's there for a conference and skiing, or 18 hour days wrestling kangaroos so genuinely tired. Or whether it's his first trip with a new company and he's terrified of screwing up his prospects but doesn't want to admit that to OP. Or even if this has happened 25 times before and he's zoomed back to find DD pretty much fine - as some PP have said, life has to go on.

On the face of it, it's very irrational behaviour and so I think we don't have the full story.

I probably shouldn't have speculated at all - just throwing in my $0.02 on a wet Sunday

I can't understand it's not going to be easy to come home from Australia. It's rubbish that he won't Facebook though!

Your marriage is in the bin. Start getting those ducks in a row.

Of course - but video, whether on FT or WhatsApp, or Skype, or Teams still consumes vastly more data usage than voice only.

I'm not wedded to the idea that he's so constrained but I have no idea what he's doing over there, what his company policies are, etc.

Somebody said they could see no reason why he'd accept voice calls but not video. I'm just pointing out one reason why it could be legitimate - not defending the chap.

It seems so strange that DH wouldn't want to talk to DC and it seems even stranger that some PP are convinced he's up to no good. After all, even if he was up to something nefarious, it would be the easiest thing in the world to create some small space to video and avoid suspicions.

Hence why I speculated on a practical reason that may (or not) have some validity.

Since OP is not that forthcoming about DD's illness I can't formulate any judgement about whether a video call is even appropriate (e.g. tubes, etc)

I have kids who are regularly in hospital for serious but non life threatening conditions. Think multiple operations and in-patient admissions. My partner and I have a
high bar for both dropping everything, as long as one of us is with them the other tends to work/ do other stuff as normal (although a lot does revolve around the other kids). If we both dropped everything every time one child was admitted our lives would grind to a halt and, rightly or wrongly, I do think we’d go into performance management at work which would leave us with no money. We do keep in constant touch though, and for longer stays we swap over half way.

If you depend on his salary, I’d agree it sounds disproportionate for him to dash straight home. He’s got to keep his job. That said not FaceTiming because he’s resting is unforgivable and I’d be giving him
both barrels about that.

Not jumping on a plane, I can see.

But there is something completely unhinged about not being willing to FaceTime.

Is he direly afraid of health problems?

Is he actually in a place so different from Australia that he can't even find a plausible plain room that looks like a hotel room, to FaceTime from? Like, is he camping or sailing? Because even if he was on a jolly with a lover, he'd be able to find a white wall to sit in front of to FaceTime.

Another family entirely so he really cannot get away for even 5 minutes?
It's bizarre, op. Wishing you and your DD well.

Can't understand (and wouldn't really want to understand) the mindset of a parent who does not want to facetime their unwell child. Selfish and thoughtless not to set aside 20/30 bloody minutes before he goes to bed.

Your poor DD.

The not FaceTiming a sick kid in hospital as he’s resting is bullshit. He should be up in the middle of the night to talk to her. Work would understand. Maybe he’s feeling seeing her will make him feel useless, but not FaceTiming her is just beyond understanding as a parent.

But he hasn’t said he can’t do it because of roaming charges or Wi-Fi or anything like that.

He simply said because of the time difference (which isn’t much) and he’s tired.

Edited - Australia is between 7 and 9 hours ahead of the UK. There is plenty of crossover there.

I'm afraid if he were married to me the divorce petition would be waiting when he gets back.