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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry with DH for not coming home?

957 replies

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:52

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

OP posts:
Imfat · 14/09/2025 22:17

Unfortunately I think there is something more going on in Australia.
Maybe another woman.
What a shitbag he is.
Can't even spare a minute out of his life to message his own child never mind his wife and the other child.

Largestlegocollectionever · 14/09/2025 22:16

Goodness, this is all very strange if totally out of the blue behaviour OP!

LarryUnderwood · 14/09/2025 22:16

My goodness. Well I hope he earns an absolute fortune doing something incredibly stressful and dangerous that warrants his self-important and selfish attitude. It doesn't sound like it though, he just sounds like an arse.

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/09/2025 22:16

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

What bullshit. I’m in Australia and I’m on video calls with the uk for work every week. I’d tell him call his daughter and make her feel loved or we are done.

Thechaseison71 · 14/09/2025 22:15

DoneKebab · 14/09/2025 20:27

Don’t be silly, that’s not even nearly the same. And even if it were, ‘I sucked it up, so you should too’ is a shitty look.

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How is it not the same? Child in hospital father in different country with work.

Even if the father was there what could he actuallly do that's not being done already?

DoneKebab · 14/09/2025 22:15

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 22:07

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

I don’t think I could reply to that.

Nelly91 · 14/09/2025 22:14

Is he trying to detach himself from what’s happening at home? That’s the only thing I can think of. Its quite unforgivable to do this.

Calamitousness · 14/09/2025 22:13

What @Gingercar said. Do not message him. Let him try to reach you for info. I wonder if he does. I do think there’s something shady about his behaviour and regardless if he wanted to be in touch he would. It really is that simple. You and your children are not a priority for him. Your marriage is in a poor shape and that’s even assuming he’s not having a relationship with someone from work which looks like a possibility

Tedwardy · 14/09/2025 22:13

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 22:07

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

That is absolutely ridiculous. I can understand if he meant he can’t respond immediately but to say he can’t spare literally one minute of his day to send you a loving message, or five minutes to FaceTime his poorly child, is despicable.

Frankly I would tell him what I thought of him.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 14/09/2025 22:13

What’s he like normally with no work trip and no poorly child? Is he connected to you and/or the children?

BettysRoasties · 14/09/2025 22:13

Thechaseison71 · 14/09/2025 22:11

Any reason he can't talk to his daughter on the phone rather than facetiming ?

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Well he can’t even text now it seems. Mr father of the year.

TottyMaude · 14/09/2025 22:13

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 22:07

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

Your husband is a wanker. And a shit Dad. And a shit husband. Your poor daughter will remember this bollocks when she's older. And that is awful. Kick him into the long grass.

Heronwatcher · 14/09/2025 22:12

Have you told him that he’s a selfish shit and that if he keeps this up he can stay in Australia?

BettysRoasties · 14/09/2025 22:11

Drop the dead weight. Sorry I was busy looking after our child. Can’t text.

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 22:11

Time to ring his Boss methinks

Thechaseison71 · 14/09/2025 22:11

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 21:47

He can make a phonecall but is allergic to FaceTime so it seems...

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Any reason he can't talk to his daughter on the phone rather than facetiming ?

Existentialistic · 14/09/2025 22:09

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 18:06

I’m fairly certain that his boss would allow him to come home early if he asked her and if I was him I would come home anyway even if my boss was unhappy.

It sounds like you know his boss or at least have had some past contact. Is it worth trying to call her and explaining your situation? It may shed some light on the issue - something feels “off”. Wishing your DD a very speedy recovery - take care OP.

AutumnLover1989 · 14/09/2025 22:09

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 22:07

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

Wow 😔

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 22:09

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 22:07

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

Oh come on!!!!
Wtf is he playing at?

Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 22:07

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

OP posts:
mummybearSW19 · 14/09/2025 22:04

I suggest you change the locks and tell him to stay somewhere else when he does get home.
not calling his 7yo DD is utterly vile. He is in Australia in 2025. His after work time is a decent time to call his DD.

I can understand not requesting his boss sends him home early. If this is a routine / regular type of hospital admission. However I would expect loads of contact. Regardless of whether he is a mining engineer or a banker.

He should be calling his DD & the OP daily. several times every day.

my DD had the misfortune to spend 5 days in hospital this year. Every child in that ward had a dad who visited or stayed over. AND the parent on the ward was on the phone to the other parent and close family several times a day.

a sick child in hospital and a child at home takes a lot of energy.

hope you are ok OP.

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 22:00

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:58

"On a jolly in Australia"

Have you even been on a business trip?

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Yeah I probably worded that incorrectly to be honest... but there's still downtime

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 21:58

There would be no coming back from this for me
Your poor little girl, she's asking for him and he can't even FaceTime her to ask/see how she is or Face Time you to see how you are/updates on her condition and to see how his youngest daughter is. It's nicer to see someone's face in situations like yours, it brings a little bit of comfort and he can't even give you both that. He's an absolute wanker
Seriously think about your future with this poor excuse of a human
I'd never forgive him for this

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:58

DoneKebab · 14/09/2025 21:47

I don’t know, this is a guy who can’t make a phonecall.

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OP has already stated he's made phone calls

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:58

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 21:45

Why should she though? He's indifferent, he isn't prioritising his wife and child who are in quite a stressful situation and the younger child in the care of a friend
He deserves nothing, no updates etc
The OP needs to conserve her energy for herself and her ill daughter whilst the waste of space is on a jolly in Australia, he's effectively gone AWOL on the other side of the world when he's desperately needed

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"On a jolly in Australia"

Have you even been on a business trip?