To be angry with DH for not coming home?

@Coffeeoftheworld OP, please ignore the suggestions to contact his boss - your DH would be rightly livid and then you'd end up having to defend your actions when you want to keep him on the back foot about his. Don't give him the ammunition for any kind of comeback at you.
If I were you I wouldn't contact him at all for the next few days. See how long it takes him to contact you - and then keep him waiting for a reply. I mean, what's the point in texting him when he's offering no support whatsoever? You may just as well crack on holding the fort alone, as you are, whilst he's determined to be no help whatsoever.

Red flags everywhere. If one of my kids have a tummy bug and I have to go to work I can always find time to message to check in with whoever is looking after them no matter how busy it gets at work. I am baffled by a parent who won’t talk to their own poorly kid. I mean, men do shitty things to their wives all the time but to ignore your poorly child and give such pathetic excuses is inexcusably low.

What sort of job requires this level of "concentration"?

A lunch break won’t help as it would be 2am in the uk, but I start calls to the uk at 5pm and go through to 10pm and that’s about 8am to 12noon in the uk, so a very easy doable crossover. There is no forgiveable explanation for this behaviour, he wouldn’t be coming home to our house at all. The kids are 3 & 7- what kind of dad doesn’t FaceTime them regularly while away even when they’re healthy?!!

Does he normally go into tunnel vision mode for work? My DH has been known to have phases when he's stressed at work and suddenly his Important Work is the most all-consuming priority that has ever been, he is the only person in the world who does such Important Work and none of us must even suggest for a moment that he turn his attention away from such very Important Work. The fact that I work in the same field as he does and have equally Important Work passes him by, no doubt because I don't make such a drama about it.

I would reply "I won't be messaging or calling you again, at all, I'm disgusted with your behaviour and your lack of care for your hospitalised daughter. I haven't yet decided if you can come home after this work trip but I suggest you make alternative arrangements anyway. I don't think I can forgive this."

Then block him on everything.

I would be so upset and livid. What a disgusting man.

As I said upthread I believe he’s actively trying to detach himself from you and your kids. I don’t know why, it might just be him or
there could be someone else involved but either way he has checked out. I’m so sorry Op this behaviour must have come as a nasty shock if you’re used to seeing him be a good father and a partner. It’s scary how some men can turn so suddenly.

Im so sorry for you. If he was mine he wouldn't be allowed back in the house ever. Keep the messages for the lawyer.to demonstrate that he cant parent.

That is fucking appalling. I could never look at him the same way again.

I would also be tempted to email his boss because thats absolute bollocks

Exactly this. I remember when I was dating it was always men who would be quick to suggest or attempt a FaceTime and this included men who worked in high pressured jobs - doctors etc.

if anything it was me that was reluctant lol I didn’t always want to give that energy to men I hadn’t met. But I couldn’t imagine turning down a FaceTime request even from one of my friend’s kids if they were sick or not!.

So he doesn't get a lunch break OP? Absolutely no down time between being "extremely busy" working and "resting"? Yeah, sorry OP, but he's definitely taking the piss now and I'd be livid with this nonsense.
If it's not too outing OP, what sort of work does he do that seems to be so critical? Does he travel a lot for work? Has he exhibited this sort of single-mindedness wrt work before?

This..something is really not right here sorry OP. I would just focus on your dcs and stop communicating with him.

At first I thought that it might not be easy to fly all the way back from Australia, especially if DD should be discharged within the week so I could kind of understand him not coming home. But then I read he wouldn’t FaceTime and was appalled. And now to read he won’t even text you??? That’s horrific. I’m so sorry for you. How uncaring of him. I wouldn’t text him updates. You’re busier than him looking after your extremely poorly child

Leaving a military posting vs a corporate job? You’re saying it’s the same? I didn’t realise you could come home so easily from a military posting, sorry.

And what could he do there? Support his daughter, his wife. Help with looking after his younger child so the friend can be relieved of the role? Be a… father? Alternatively, make a couple of phone calls.

Not even FaceTiming is not good

Oh no he didn't! That is shockingly shit!
I would be seriously considering divorce at this point. He can't be arsed replying to messages for the next two days while his child is in hospital.
His priorities are suspiciously in the wrong place.

He can fuck the fuck off.

OP, you are a single parent now.
you cannot even rely on him to talk to his child.
so as a single parent you do not have time to waste sending messages or texts to people who don’t give a shit.
pay your friend a wage for nannying your youngest out of the joint account.

also, when you are home put all important paperwork - birth certificates, passports, bank/pension info - in to a large envelope and ask your friend to put it somewhere safe in her house.

I’m sorry you married a cunt.

Thing is, you’d think if he were having an affair he’d try and make the situation seem less suspicious by acting more normal. Surely? Acting so badly would rouse suspicion.

They are so little now I’ve read the full thread!! I’m just so gobsmacked. I’d send a group WhatsApp to his family and him saying you could really do with some support with dd in hospital, dh won’t come home early and doesn’t even want to talk to her, 6pm in Australia is 9am here so it’s not difficult with the times. Then message him and say you’re a shit husband and a worse dad, there is no way you love your 7yo child and I don’t think we can ever recover from this.

Bloody hell, even Barak Obama when president would have managed a phone call home, I’m sure.
This would seriously make me consider divorce.

I wouldn’t have expected him to fly home. But he doesn’t have any excuse for not FaceTiming or calling.

He is neglecting his responsibilities as a father and as a husband. That’s the only update I’d send him.

On his return, I’d be telling him that he needs to find somewhere else to stay because the marriage is over. What he’s done (lack of FaceTime or other communication) is unforgivable.

Could he be having an affair? It really doesn’t sound normal behaviour!

I can answer that one. They hospital will still care for the child patient without a parent staying there 24/7.

I'd forward that to his boss and explain you child is in the hospital for at least a week and ask what is going on there that he is too busy to respond to possibly urgent updates re hospitalization.

It's time to expose him.