To be angry with DH for not coming home?

Wait, two posts ago you told us all it didn’t need to be a fight. That escalated quickly. Is there someone we can call for you?

That's what I was thinking!
Some of the replies feel like a parallel universe, it's not just the child in hospital but the other one too who needs looking after

A film director cannot leave mid shoot. That is essentially quitting. It will cost the company thousands and your reputation will be in the bin. They do sometime shoot for 15-20 hours especially if in a tight schedule small budget. Certain conditions etc. and his “breaks” could be fill with notes, meetings, feedback etc.

working in this industry is hard and the jobs are precarious. I do think he cold carve out a couple of minutes to call. But depending on the environment in the shoot it might be frowned upon. His boss might be a mother but she might be ruthless and expect her people to be locked in.

also I know people are saying to contact his boss. Do not. Message him that you are disappointed that he won’t FT. Can he send a video note on WhatsApp for DD? He can do it on the loo.

What’s the point of him coming home? She’s going to be okay and no point you both hanging around a ward. The FaceTime is the real issue

It’s either him or the man that Jackie Weaver upset on the parish council has found Mumsnet with his spare time 😂

My now ex husbands OW traveled from the US to the UK to fuck him.

@Coffeeoftheworld I am so sorry your daughter is in hospital and that life married a selfish man. Stop with the updates as you wouldn't want to disturb I'm when he is oh so busy in his important job, when he asks why you didn't inform him.

He’s either not where he is meant to be or he’s with someone he shouldn’t be with. There’s no good reason to not FT a 7 year old. A similar thing happened to a friend and it turned out the husband had taken a weeks leave at the end of the trip and gone to Bali with his OW.

The lack of communication is the problem.

I've had DH away in far less accessible countries than Australia with a more awkward time difference that clashed work/ sleep hours. On one occasion, I had a sudden shock bereavement of a younger extended family member a couple of days into him going away. I decided not to tell him as he would only have worried and had limited ability to stay in touch. He tried video calls a few times, but signals were barely functional. But he tried to stay in touch with us.

To know your child is in hospital and be so passive about communicating is concerning.

I don't think its unreasonable of him not to come home - he's a long way away and it sounds like it is expected that your daughter will be fine in a week.

However, it is 100% unreasonable of him that he won't FT your daughter for 5 mins. Totally. Even when he goes to bed late at night (which is middle of the day in the UK).

Why are you spamming this thread with your regressive nonsense? He is refusing to even voice call now. No-one's job is that important. You don't know how much he is earning. It could be a really small budget independent film. You just want to put the boot in with an already really distressed OP.

This is all a bit too strange.........

I don’t get hm not FaceTiming that ridiculous and a bit mean.

if DD and s chronically ill, the going in and out of hospital i assume is somewhat regular. So I can understand why he hasn’t travelled as it’s not an emergency.

is this the first time he’s been asked to come home from a work trip? And does he usually FT?

I agree with the last few posts but I suggest we ignore tagging or directly replying to certain posters. I am all for reasonable debate but they seem to be on the wind up.

And if they are women as they claim to be - they clearly have a lot of internalised misogyny and are hellbent on derailing the thread with their bizarre comments.

Ok the child is safe, but when is the OP supposed to sleep and shower? My child was in hospital for 5 nights, and I had to stay because she only wanted me to stay. My husband still took the week off work, as did I btw, and would come first thing so I could go home and have a couple of hours kip and a shower. Hospitals aren't hotels, she's might have a bed (or might not depending on the ward, my child was in HDU so my only bed options were the chair or getting into my child's hospital bed with her) but she's not getting anything close to a good night's sleep. Not to mention having to forage for food in a hospital, change clothes, maybe even entertain a bed bound child.

I get that his job seems like it might genuinely be one that causes a lot of issues, for a lot of people, if he leaves, but now he can't even reply to a text because he's too tired? But expects the OP who is probably way more tired to text him updates, and somehow she's the needy one in this?

He wouldn't be getting a single text from me.

OP I hope you're ok and able to take care of yourself.

It will be a lot less money when they've paid the friend the rate for a 24/7 nanny to compensate her for her time and effort looking after his DC.

I assume that he has time to go to the toilet. He can call his wife and daughter then. Even a quick call to show that he actually gives a tiny shit about his poorly daughter would be something. But he can't even do that.

You're suggesting that OP leaves her other child with her friend for 2 WEEKS?

Who wants to look after someone else's toddler for 2 weeks, so the dad can go to work?! What if the friend says she's had enough? Should the kid just be handed to social services?

Honestly, this is not a reasonable ask of the friend. I imagine she agreed because the OP was desperate and the dad was in Australia. He needs to come home and take over.

WTAF is the matter with you? His daughter is asking for him and he refuses to call her. How dare you call OP a baby?

This is why a lot of women reject the whole “village idea” . Firstly the village was never just meant to be about free babysitting, but that’s how some conveniently interpret it nowadays.

And secondly it’s often been used - as we can see from a few commenters in this thread - as a reason to offload the responsibilities of the male partner onto female friends and relatives.

The fact that people are making excuses about him being in a remote location, being too busy or having crap WiFi etc is woeful.

He said himself he is either working or resting. No mention of poor WiFi. That means he is saying he will not take 10 minutes out of his rest time to FaceTime when his child is literally asking for him.

And now he is saying he will not even take 2 minutes out of his rest /work or meal times to text back. You can even text back from a toilet if you feel you’re that busy! There is zero excuse for this.

It’s debateable if he needs to come back or not but how can anyone justify this level of a parent absolving themselves from all responsibility?

These things stick and it’s likely his child won’t forget this - when she was sick and scared her dad wasn’t there in any capacity.

As someone who has visited friends sick kids in hospitals or been there to give supportive replies to frequent texts/calls to parents of sick children needing some moral support while working my own two jobs, I find it chilling how OPs husband has checked out and removed himself from the situation in this way. This is his own child!!

i don’t think I could forgive this. Even if he genuinely couldn’t leave, he could ring and talk to her ever day, send gifts and thoughtful messages and try to be as supportive as possible.

i would find the refusal to FaceTime very suspicious tbh.

He needs to be there because his poorly daughter is asking for him. They also have a three year old who is being looked after by a friend so he should be there to care for his other child. Chronic conditions can become life-threatening and children aren't taken into hosptial for at least a week for shits and giggles.

The issue is that OP's DH doesn't appear to give a shit about his poorly daughter. Defend him all you want. The vast majority of posters can see him for the selfish arsehole that he is.

For me, that latest message from him has escalated this. Stop ringing him, stop messaging him, he does not care so don’t bother. Not being able to come home is one thing, his attitude about this all is another. He’s too busy to reply to a text? Fuck that.

Buy a teddy bear and tell her Daddy sent it to give cuddles he cannot call, he is very sorry and that he loves her very much. Give her a focus.

You spend an hour or too gathering copies of anything you need for the divorce.

It's not being a martyr. It's called being a grown up.
He's at work working. He's probably stressed and he's got his wife pestering to come home when the only reason why she wants him to is to "show her he cares" rather than it being the rational or logical thing to do.
I've seen women like that ruin good relationships.
Him being home would be of very little use to her anyway. Not to mention the financial hit. I'm sure ops old enough to hold the fort for 2 weeks whilst her husband is bringing in money.
Seriously just grow up. You lot are adults not babies.

[waves] Hello @Coffeeoftheworld 's husband - have you had a little break relaxing from all your hard work on the film set?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

That's my reading too.

Suss A.F. - "he’s not answering FaceTime calls but will answer voice calls on WhatsApp.

He’s answered 2 voice calls whilst he’s been in Australia and the rest of our conversations have been by text/message.

He will now only speak by message/text and not FaceTime or calls

He’s not answering calls from other family members either."

Where is he filming - underground at Mt Isa mine? In Coober Pedy? Odd stuff.