Page 15 | To be angry with DH for not coming home?

Coffeeoftheworld · 2025-09-14T13:52:29+00:00

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

BuckChuckets · 15/09/2025 07:58

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 15/09/2025 07:52

Now I think you're taking the piss. He would likely be fired for leaving. And you know it.

I don't know where you work/have worked, but I think it's unlikely many people would be fired for having to a) fulfil their responsibilities as a parent and b) have emergency time off when a child is in hospital.

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 07:58

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 15/09/2025 07:52

Now I think you're taking the piss. He would likely be fired for leaving. And you know it.

Who are you even replying to?

He hasn’t even asked to leave.

And he wouldn’t be fired for a 3 minute video call, would he?

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 07:56

I travel for work and I just don’t believe he doesn’t have time for a FaceTime. I’ve just been away for 9 days - part of it was a conference working 9am - 9pm and guess what? I managed to call home most days. I think there was one day I missed.

Like others have said, if he has rest time, he can FaceTime you for 3 mins of it.

I would stop contacting him. And get divorce papers ready for when he gets home.

LeeshaPaper · 15/09/2025 07:55

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 15/09/2025 07:52

Now I think you're taking the piss. He would likely be fired for leaving. And you know it.

He wouldn't be fired for phoning

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 15/09/2025 07:52

Now I think you're taking the piss. He would likely be fired for leaving. And you know it.

Original poster

Coffeeoftheworld · 15/09/2025 07:51

AutumnLover1989 · 15/09/2025 07:28

If he has 5 minutes for lunch or a toilet break,he can ft his poorly daughter. No one is THAT busy 🙄🤦‍♂️

Exactly! It’s not fair on DD either because she keeps on asking for him. I’m livid with him

OP posts:

Hercisback1 · 15/09/2025 07:51

itsobviousright · 15/09/2025 07:21

A film director? Honestly OP, he's taking the absolute fucking piss out of you - there is no way he is so busy that he can't take 30 seconds to reply to a text. Do not lie down and take this

'Not being able to find 30 seconds in your day to check in on your hospitalised child is unacceptable and abhorrent. She will remember her dads lack of care and love forever. I'm not asking for much, but the fact you aren't even prepared to give us the bare minimum, shows me how much respect you have for me as your wife, and what sort of 'father' you actually are. I'm giving you this opportunity to have a long, hard think about what you do next, because this is our marriage on the line now'

Send this.

Calling the hospital is a red herring imo. Updates should go through you rather than wasting hospital staff time.

Original poster

Coffeeoftheworld · 15/09/2025 07:50

What makes me even more angry with him is that I’m 99% certain his boss would understand if he explained the situation to her and that he needs to come home!

His boss is a mother too so she’d understand.

OP posts:

Original poster

Coffeeoftheworld · 15/09/2025 07:49

He hasn’t even called the hospital either since DD’s been in hospital!

OP posts:

Original poster

Coffeeoftheworld · 15/09/2025 07:48

A previous poster said him leaving work would cost his company thousands, me not being able to work this week is going to cost my company thousands too as the whole project I’m working on will have to be put on hold but there’s nothing that I can do about it as I’m not leaving DD alone in hospital so why is he any different?

My work are going to have to either put my project on hold or find a way to cope without me, they’ve got no choice unfortunately.

OP posts:

PretendToBeToastWithMe · 15/09/2025 07:41

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 02:38

It's not being a martyr. It's called being a grown up.
He's at work working. He's probably stressed and he's got his wife pestering to come home when the only reason why she wants him to is to "show her he cares" rather than it being the rational or logical thing to do.
I've seen women like that ruin good relationships.
Him being home would be of very little use to her anyway. Not to mention the financial hit. I'm sure ops old enough to hold the fort for 2 weeks whilst her husband is bringing in money.
Seriously just grow up. You lot are adults not babies.

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I am so sorry to hear the type of behaviour and dynamics you are describing is your definition of a “good relationship.”

Trickedbyadoughnut · 15/09/2025 07:33

itsobviousright · 15/09/2025 07:21

A film director? Honestly OP, he's taking the absolute fucking piss out of you - there is no way he is so busy that he can't take 30 seconds to reply to a text. Do not lie down and take this

'Not being able to find 30 seconds in your day to check in on your hospitalised child is unacceptable and abhorrent. She will remember her dads lack of care and love forever. I'm not asking for much, but the fact you aren't even prepared to give us the bare minimum, shows me how much respect you have for me as your wife, and what sort of 'father' you actually are. I'm giving you this opportunity to have a long, hard think about what you do next, because this is our marriage on the line now'

This is a great response to send.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 15/09/2025 07:32

For me, it's difficult to argue either way for him coming back without the exact medical details, but absolutely I wouldn't give those details on here either, so totally understand.

But the not Facetiming when his seriously ill DD is specifically asking for it and now not even answering the messages? I mean, what the actual? No effing way, he's being a total asshole.

I wouldn't be sending him text updates.

AutumnLover1989 · 15/09/2025 07:28

If he has 5 minutes for lunch or a toilet break,he can ft his poorly daughter. No one is THAT busy 🙄🤦‍♂️

itsobviousright · 15/09/2025 07:21

A film director? Honestly OP, he's taking the absolute fucking piss out of you - there is no way he is so busy that he can't take 30 seconds to reply to a text. Do not lie down and take this

'Not being able to find 30 seconds in your day to check in on your hospitalised child is unacceptable and abhorrent. She will remember her dads lack of care and love forever. I'm not asking for much, but the fact you aren't even prepared to give us the bare minimum, shows me how much respect you have for me as your wife, and what sort of 'father' you actually are. I'm giving you this opportunity to have a long, hard think about what you do next, because this is our marriage on the line now'

BettysRoasties · 15/09/2025 07:20

Not to make the op feel worse but come on the three year old must feel abandoned. As I said before her whole family just disappeared. This isn’t a 15 year old who understands dads at work, mums with sick sister. This is a very small child.

Its going to be very hard for her even when op comes back from hospital with her sister. After living with someone else for three weeks. Also what about that women’s job?

So yes I do think dad should be home with his other child.

I think he should be FaceTiming his hospitalised daughter.

But he doesn’t want to. Also he clearly has signal where he is as op can see his live location.

ThatBlackCat · 15/09/2025 07:19

Contact the manager. Do it straight away. Like now. Outline the situation, say you are angry he won't even message his daughter and make sure she knows his daughter is asking for him. She will hopefully read him the riot act.

beAsensible1 · 15/09/2025 07:15

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 06:57

While all this may be true, he’s massively shot himself in the foot with the contact thing. He should be bending over backwards on that side.

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Agree. You can’t not visit but not call. He should call and send video notes every reset.

especially sending notes as he doesn’t have to get into a back and forth. Very poor form

Kate8889 · 15/09/2025 07:13

Yeah there's no way he can't message/reply while using the toilet, a 2 minute phone call if that's all he can manage. Sounds like he's detached from the situation and that is not ok

beAsensible1 · 15/09/2025 07:12

Goldbar · 15/09/2025 06:56

Sometimes being a parent sucks, doesn't it?

Unfortunately work commitments are not a free pass to unload our kids onto others. If they were, a lot of single parents in this country would be much better off financially.

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That’s you.

for lots of other people they have villages and communities who are happy to help chip in when it is needed.

if a friend or family has to travel or work away etc I’ll happily watch their children. It’s not an affront to me or some others to give a hand when needed. If my friend DH needed childcare support while she was working away I would do it. I wouldn’t not expect her to come home and ruin her job and reputation, when I could help.

lessglittermoremud · 15/09/2025 07:01

No FaceTime and now no messages….

I wouldn’t speak to his boss, but I wouldn’t be messaging updates to a wall of silence either…. If he wants to know how his DD is he can ring like a normal person.
Not coming home is forgivable due to the distance, not caring enough to contact your family and give daily support is not…
He could record a video msg for you daughter and send that, it would take seconds. He hasn’t because sadly he doesn’t care enough…
time to concentrate on you and the little ones and decide where you go from here once she is out of hospital, don’t worry about it all now. Sending you a massive hug.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 06:57

beAsensible1 · 15/09/2025 06:53

A film director cannot leave mid shoot. That is essentially quitting. It will cost the company thousands and your reputation will be in the bin. They do sometime shoot for 15-20 hours especially if in a tight schedule small budget. Certain conditions etc. and his “breaks” could be fill with notes, meetings, feedback etc.

working in this industry is hard and the jobs are precarious. I do think he cold carve out a couple of minutes to call. But depending on the environment in the shoot it might be frowned upon. His boss might be a mother but she might be ruthless and expect her people to be locked in.

also I know people are saying to contact his boss. Do not. Message him that you are disappointed that he won’t FT. Can he send a video note on WhatsApp for DD? He can do it on the loo.

Edited

While all this may be true, he’s massively shot himself in the foot with the contact thing. He should be bending over backwards on that side.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 06:56

HelloCheekyCat · 15/09/2025 06:54

That's what I was thinking!
Some of the replies feel like a parallel universe, it's not just the child in hospital but the other one too who needs looking after

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100% You can imagine what the friend is thinking of the husband. What a twat.

Goldbar · 15/09/2025 06:56

beAsensible1 · 15/09/2025 06:53

A film director cannot leave mid shoot. That is essentially quitting. It will cost the company thousands and your reputation will be in the bin. They do sometime shoot for 15-20 hours especially if in a tight schedule small budget. Certain conditions etc. and his “breaks” could be fill with notes, meetings, feedback etc.

working in this industry is hard and the jobs are precarious. I do think he cold carve out a couple of minutes to call. But depending on the environment in the shoot it might be frowned upon. His boss might be a mother but she might be ruthless and expect her people to be locked in.

also I know people are saying to contact his boss. Do not. Message him that you are disappointed that he won’t FT. Can he send a video note on WhatsApp for DD? He can do it on the loo.

Edited

Sometimes being a parent sucks, doesn't it?

Unfortunately work commitments are not a free pass to unload our kids onto others. If they were, a lot of single parents in this country would be much better off financially.

Zempy · 15/09/2025 06:55

Come on OP. There’s something very very wrong here…