To be angry with DH for not coming home?

I kind of agree with the job given that him coming back could delay it for everyone else

BUT I am absolutely sure everyone would be fine with him checking in once or twice a day and face timing his daughter

He may argue that in order to do his job he needs to completely cut himself off. That is his prerogative but if I were the OP I would say that is not a relationship for me

How did OP look after her other child before DD went into hospital, given that she works ? And l’ll probably get flamed for this, but why does she have to be at the hospital 24/7 ? I get that DD is 7 and hospital is scary but my own experience of friends and family having had children admitted to hospital on occasion is that they have still gone to work.

@Lighteningstrikes why is OP’s job lesser than her DH’s?

I was going to post exactly this.
It's the refusal to communicate with either you or dd that is incomprehensible to me. And possibly unforgivable.

Of course a film director can co-ordinate 10 minutes to FT his kid in hospital and his kid left with friends.

He is a looong way from home and it’s not easy to drop everything and fly home, he doesn’t want to risk his job and let people down

But it’s ok to put the OP’s job in jeopardy because ….. she is the mother? She is there? His job is more important than hers?
I mean, if it’s all about work etc…. then does he get a pass at not even asking his boss vs the OP who had no other choice, can’t offer to work evening/do bits and bobs around her dd etc… oh and has to rope in a FRIEND to look after their other chikd. I suppose that friend’s efforts aren’t as important as his job either…..

There are two posts here from people who have direct experience of the film industry. I have some indirect experience through friends and l have to say l agree with them. If he dropped everything and came home it would likely have serious, if not disastrous consequences for his career and progression. How would OP cope with him not being able to get work because he’s seen as unreliable.

These shoots take time and enormous effort to come together and the expense is huge. If he were local a visit would be doable but he’s in Australia. I’m going against the grain here. I think OP is unreasonable to expect him to risk his career to travel home from the other side of the world when the reason DD is in hospital is due to an ongoing and known health problem, and is likely to be home in a week.

Yes he probably will @Ooohlalalalas if his wife causes him distraction whilst he’s shooting. He will find himself a certain type of woman and pay good alimony (if hes successful). He will never have the kid 50% of the time.

I wasn’t meaning to be disrespectful about the “wife of the director” either. Those I know are incredible and very strong and independent women and are the director’s rock behind the scenes.

and yes male directors are definitely a certain type of man focused and blinkered in the pursuit of what they want regardless of others feelings.

I can see both sides to this. He is a looong way from home and it’s not easy to drop everything and fly home, he doesn’t want to risk his job and let people down. Yes your dd is very unwell but him being there isn’t going to change that as such (though it could help her recovery). If he is a director then him flying home could mess the whole project up and mean others also can’t work?

He could record your dd a video so she can watch it when she’s awake? I know face time is better but the time difference does make it tricky.

I would just ride the next 2 weeks out, concentrate on dd and her recovery.

The economy is not good (however understanding his female boss might be), and he could be at risk of losing his job one day over this, if this is a recurring theme.

As could OP.

So @ReadingSoManyThreads decades ago if no mobile phone

totally different from this situation where @Coffeeoftheworld dh has a phone and WiFi and could FaceTime but (cbfa) can’t be fucking arsed

Whatever you do, do not try to control the situation with his boss about this.

It won’t make him come home anyway. If anyone did that to me, I would divorce them.

Wives of directors tend to be a certain type of woman.

Nope. 'Directors that are husbands tend to be a certain type of man' is clearly more accurate.

this will be a harsh wake up call.
Yeah to him hopefully, if OP leaves him ever because he puts work first, he's going to have to have some pretty robust childcare in place for the 50% of the time he's got the kids on his own. (but i'm sure he'll just find himself a certain type of woman)

Yabu, sorry.

I’m sorry to hear about your DD and hope she’s improving.

If she’s got a health condition, this presumably could be a recurring theme?

Realistically if it is, do you really expect him to break off work if he’s half way round the world or wherever he is every single time?

The economy is not good (however understanding his female boss might be), and he could be at risk of losing his job one day over this, if this is a recurring theme.

The not face-timing is not good, but it sounds as if he’s under immense pressure.

You need to calm down and breathe and really look at both the reality and practicalities of your situation now and what may be regarding your DD in the future.

Come on now, no matter his ‘important’ he is or isn’t, a 5 minute FaceTime will take just that.

He’s a film director so is probably prepping and or actually shooting/ on set. Often call times on location can be early (7am) and can go into over time in the evenings finishing anytime. Then director will prep for the next day with the producer/ DOP and first AD.. so may finish at midnight or later. If it’s a commercial shoot they may have to take out their clients and check they’re happy… tho latter shouldn’t excuse a phone call.

This lifestyle is partly why there are very few women directors with families.

This. I don't think most posters realise the commitment needed for this kind of career, or the consequences for it if he did come home. I think OP needs to see the bigger picture here.

Not coming home maybe but a discussion should have been had about it and a decision made

not face timing or being in contact is unacceptable and unforgivable

No excuses for not FT both of his children.
Their lives are not put on hold whilst he’s away.

I’ve worked in the film industry for 30 years and it can be intense. If he’s early stages director, grateful for his first break/ shoot then he won’t have the power to hold up the shoot, push it back or come home.
If he insisted, it could massively affect his career in the future and it’s a big deal for him to come home. Everything pivots around the director and the shoot would grind to a halt or they would have to bring in someone else.
If your DD is going to be ok and just wants him, then he’s not going to come home and I’m surprised you don’t realise this about your husband. Wives of directors tend to be a certain type of woman.

In my experience directors put their production before most other things in life.
if he’s A list and successful, he probably could have the power to push back the shoot and that cost upwards of tens and tens of thousands per day. However A list directors are usually even more laser focused on their production so unlikely to do this even if they have the power.

If you haven’t experienced this about him, or realised what being married to a successful director is like, then this will be a harsh wake up call.

i hope your DD gets well quickly and hopefully other friends and family are supporting you x x

Why ?

The not coming back, I could kind of get. The not facetiming and now the not being able to contact him at all for 2 days, id never forgive.
Id stop even trying to contact him, spend all that energy on your daughters and yourself and then have a serious think about your future when your daughter is on the mend.

I would be ‘too busy’ to send any more updates. See how long it takes him to be worried.

Have you messaged him with an update @Coffeeoftheworld ? I wouldn't given his comment that he's too busy to reply.

I would be tempted to send something like you suggest he thinks long and hard about his decision not to come home, as you are also considering his behaviour, that you're upset and disappointed in him and it's making you reconsider the type of man and father he is. And then no more.

If he wasn't home in 48-72 hours thereafter, you have confirmation of where you and your children rank in his priorities.

Sending hugs, I know myself how hard hospital stays are with children. Try to be kind to yourself and rest whenever you can. And remember to eat (I lost a stone when my child was in for a week).

But depending on the environment in the shoot it might be frowned upon. His boss might be a mother but she might be ruthless and expect her people to be locked in.

Well then he'll have to go without dinner then and facetime his kid instead, like I imagine his wife is doing in the never ending days and nights she's spending in hospital.

Also 'they' can't have it both way, if he stays then there is no frowning upon anything, he's made a huge sacrifice, they can find him 20 mins a day.