To be angry with DH for not coming home?

He really doesn't care for you or his children at all. He has shown his true colours and they aren't pretty. Now you know this, make your plans accordingly. Don't update him. Do you have any family that could sit with your daughter sometimes while you worked? Your job is just as important as his, if not more so as you earn more.

Sorry but the latest messages you report from him are so ludicrous I’m now wondering whether this can be true.

You mentioned your DD has a chronic condition op. If your DH is a film director and is therefore likely to work away a lot, there needs to be agreement on expectations moving forward, if it’s likely DD will get admitted on further occasions. It is rubbish for you, but also I understand why he can’t agree to be on hand if abroad on such projects.

His not calling is weird though. Unless there is some issue with him being mentally unable to cope with different things going on. I’ve seen that in men before. If so, it needs addressing so he can deal with it.

It does sound like he "doesn't want" to come home rather than he can't. Im sorry OP, he is being a dick and you have every right to be angry.

If he really cannot come home, he could 100% call and Facetime, he just doesn't want to.

Personally I think you need to try to shelve your anger for now and concentrate on yourself and your children. The anger won't help you over the next few days and your daughter needs you more. But when he returns you can take that anger off the shelf and hit him with it!

Don't send updates, see how long it takes him to start trying to call you - this will speak volumes (although I think his actions already have).

Im not sure I'd expect him to leave Australia but his reluctance to call or Facetime his little girl is disgusting.

I hope she is better and home very soon x

It’s crap that he won’t FaceTime, but I wouldn’t expect him to come back from Australia, unless she’s in real danger.

But her DH hasn't even asked whether he could fly home. He has assumed that OP will do it all and find someone to look after their other daughter and he is happy to risk her job, which actually pays more than his does. People seem to be dazzled by the fact that his is a film director and so couldn't possibly put his sick daughter first.

I think you're being massively unreasonable to want him to fly home from Australia(!) when your daughter will be out of hospital in a week. By the time he gets here she would already be almost out of hospital. A film director has too many people depending on him to just up and leave.

But absolutely no excuse not to FaceTime/call.

Do you find his attitude really surprising/shocking, or is it just the latest (egregious) manifestation of something in your relationship or his character that has manifested itself before? It seems very odd if it is totally out of character.

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of him coming home, I really don’t understand how he will ever be able to justify his actions regarding messaging you or his daughter.

But you’re there OP? So it makes sense that you stay there and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to not be there.
I think most people think it’s not completely unreasonable that he doesn’t come home. But what is unreasonable is the lack of contact but you don’t seem to be focusing on that and are adamant that he comes home.

If DD was likely to be out within a week then given where he is, it's understandable not to rush home, I wouldn't either in his position. If he told the execs that his kid was seriously ill in hospital though they would facilitate his facetime sessions to chat with her within the shoot schedule, as much out of gratitude that he wasn't leaving (production insurance probably won't cover if it's a chronic illness and some things can't actually be re-scheduled due to continuity and availability issues) as human empathy. I think you need to cut him some slack on the returning home bit and let that go. Refusing to phone & facetime & have any meaningful communication with you or his daughter is just a dick move though. No excuses.

Op, I think I would message him and let him know if he wants to know how your daughter is then he needs to put the effort it.

Don't text him any up dates.

If he doesn't contact you, he's made it clear what's most important to him and I'd have his bags packed for him when he gets home. In fact, if I was you , I'd be packing them for him anyway.

Hope your dd feels better soon.

The not coming home is almost a red herring here. If he were showing by his actions that he cared...checking in, facetiming your child when he can to reassure them and just entertain them, checking in with you to make sure you're coping, sending a cute video to the other child who is being babysat, calling the hospital for updates, messaging as soon as he gets up to see how everyone is etc then the not coming home would not be the massive red flag it appears at the moment.

But he isn't doing any of that! He is actively saying he won't even have a minute to reply to a message, let alone make contact with his child who is asking for him.

Whatever his reasons for this OP, I would not be able to see him in the same light again. I'm really sorry this is happening to you and your children. You sound eminently capable, though, however much of a consolation that is. I would be questioning why he could answer voice calls but not video calls too.

FWIW, my BiL is also a film/TV director who works away for long periods of time. He doesn't have kids, but he always stayed in contact with all of the family throughout.

Couldn’t he send a voice note to his daughter instead of a call? Or a video note? Surely as a film director that wouldn’t be beyond him…

Agree with this (BIL is a director) very very hard to stop/leave. However, the lack of FaceTime is appalling and honestly feels like a bit of a red flag. Like, why not - there’s no reason at all not to these days. And even though you say he hasn’t asked his boss, surely he’s told her about what’s going on - hence she could make the allowances for him to pop somewhere quiet to make the calls.

@RB68 That’s assuming
1- you have grand parents/family around
2- you can do some of your work from hospital. If you’re in meeting all day .ing, that’s not going to work

Wow. So he’s not the director earning mega bucks then

Sometimes this is the role for GPs to help out so Mum can continue to work around things. Or as I have done with Mum in hospital is set up at her bedside on laptop - I didn't have calls to make though. She had dementia and was a wonderer in the hospital and needed 24/7 supervision

Fully agree there

My daughter was admitted and in for 5 days - husband in Mauritius with work, I let him know but it was kind of routine although could have ended in hearing loss - whilst in an ideal world he would have been there I never really expected it, it was one of those things the parent at home had to deal with

Although ironically after a car accident Husband phoned me and expected me to come and get him when I was a 4 hr drive away - I actually said no but also did all the full enquiries as to his health - he thought he was having a heart attack but was in pain from seatbelt yank as it was pretty nasty insurance fraud shunt type thing. He lived and got a lift home off the coppers in the end

@Rosscameasdoody also don’t you worry that the OP not being at work could also be career ending for her? Because she explicitly sais she is in charge of a big project and everything will have to wait/be delayed whilst she is off work.

Whatbdo you think should happen if both of them throw ther arms in the air agd say ‘dirty. Cay deal with that. Can’t even do FT once a day’ and leave the dd on her own in hospital until … I dint know she is ready to go home I imagine.