Football parents - what’s more important to you?

Have you tried water polo? There’s no ruffians at all in our club. Although they do sweep the pool from time to time.

Just to say I agree 100%. It’s frustrating to see bad behaviour allowed again and again when a bit of responsibility from the coaches to set the tone of what is / isn’t acceptable would solve this problem. If every time someone acted in an unacceptable way they were subbed for five minutes, they wouldn’t do it. And if they’re the best kids on the pitch and they lose, well then they learn that they lose when they act like twats. No one will remember the grassroots league tables in five years time, but we will all have to live with young men who are used to acting like pricks and getting away with it. I really think it’s a dereliction of duty by coaches and clubs to not act on this. But then many coaches are just volunteer dads and many of those committed enough to give up that much of their time are of the win-at-any-cost variety. It’s really unfortunate, though.

My friends daughter has just had trials for Man City and she wasn’t invited to the final round as they said she wasn’t physical enough and shied away because she showed fear of hurting other girls. These are 11 yo girls we are talking about ! They encourage it to a level and if you don’t want to risk it and get two feet in then sometimes you’re not seen as competitive

Not saying I agree with it. But with my nephew I encourage him to match the physicality of the other team so if they’re cynical be the same, get stuck in. If someone gobs off to him, match the energy. In school and life it’s not who he is. But some boys he plays with, wow, they’re loud and vocal and competitive. Not what you’d want as a parent but they’re the ones scoring a lot of the time.

God I wouldn’t fancy kids football!

No helpful advice because I was going to say sportsmanship but I can see that’s the wrong answer 😂

Quite glad my DS is a swimmer instead but that just means you sit getting boiling rather than than freezing when you go to watch 😬

It’s just a thing in football. Often being considered a very good players will correlate with quite cynical tackles and being ‘vocal’ is encouraged. Other teams and parents might not like it but some coaches sort of enjoy that sort of player as they feel it shows a strong competitive edge

Can explain the correlation between being competitive and being rude and abusive? Being competitive should NOT include swearing at match officials or causing cynical injury to other players.

Unfortunately nice guys finish last a lot of the time in sport. Could you coach your child that it’s his ‘football persona’ - he gets a bit tastier with his tackles etc, a bit more competitive. And then leaves that behind when he takes his boots off.

Sounds like OP child needs a team in a less competitive league

There’s nothing wrong at that age with tackling a player so they are hurt slightly and need ‘helping off’ - we aren’t talking broken legs here, you don’t know if the kids they’ve tackled are a bit soft and got nothing more than a bruise

I think kid you’ve got the ability why not bring a bit of physicality to the pitch we should really stop telling kids to ‘not hurt each other’ it’s sport it apart of it

OP I would argue if the coach and other parents are allowing behaviour that you do not agree with (rightly so) then it is no longer the right team. Which is a shame but things change and that's life.

Now I'm confused. The reason for the post is?

"He's in the right division and in the right team"

Drop down the divisions. He might find it more suitable.

It's a tale as old as time OP, ability is always first in football sadly. I always struggled watching the unfairness of it all, especially as parents we are teaching our children that turning up, being respectful & fair is the right way to live & then grass roots football is the exact opposite! We also had another layer of the 'best' players going in & out of football academy's & the bat shit mental parents pushing their kid's to be the next Ronaldo, I could write a book! Just let the kids play x

You need to find a nicer coach. First, work out the right level for your DS then look around for a team at that level that has a coach who is hot on sportsmanship and good behaviour. I appreciate this might be difficult in areas with fewer teams (we’re London so masses to choose from) but coaches always set the tone…

Laughing at try rugby instead. It’s worse in my opinion for cliques- particularly amongst the dads. And I say that as a rugby centric family growing up.

also ‘talent’ is generally overrated for me at the level we’re talking about- these are kids playing for fun. Yes they want to win but it’s more important they keen about good sportsmanship and teams, none of them will end up at arsenal. I red something Gary linekar said that he’d watched thousands of kids football matches with his three sons and he had not once seen a child with any real talent.

his message was let the kids enjoy the football and don’t screech at them from the sidelines - it will make zero difference

I was a rugby parent but it’s probably the same. Some of the parents took it far too seriously and were roaring from the sidelines. We also had parent coaches who favoured their children. The coaches were also frustrated players and pinning their hopes on their own kids. DS went on a tour once and barely got to play despite it costing £££. I’m glad he stopped.

I'm also a rugby mum, but I have lots of football mum friends. I suspect unfortunately it's ability as I understand the better teams attract the better players which overall is better for the club. I would agree good sportsmanship is a much nicer trait to have over a bad attitude but not sure it works like that in the world of football.

From my experience and observations of teenage football teams, if any of the skilled and talented footballers also act like entitled and bullying twats it's usually because their parents encourage it.

I have been horrified in the past by the behaviour of some pitch-side parents in relation to the kind of violent play and dangerous techniques they encourage their sons to use in order to try and win the ball.

WHY do these things have to be mutually exclusive? Why can’t they be good footballers and also good sports people?
It’s so depressing reading so many comments on here that basically just say ‘you have to just accept them being little twats because they’re ok at football’…. You can be good at football and still not be abusive to referees or injure opponents!
My DD plays football, she’s good. I still expect her to be respectful of others and not to throw tantrums when she’s not winning.