Football parents - what’s more important to you?

I think it's about finding the right club and coach, you find some teams are all about winning at all costs, others are more about the taking part.

I can't stand good players with bad attitudes whose parents and coaches don't pull them up on it. Ds (also 14) has played for a couple of teams with a few players like this. He's a good player but has dropped down a league and found a lovely team of boys, and their parents, who support and encourage one another and a coach with an incredibly positive coaching style. The ethos of the club is about respect and endeavour, which really suits ds's values. The club has two teams, one of which is in a higher league. Ds is one of the best players in the lower placed side, which is essentially a feeder team for the higher one. He's already said though that the team is so together and friendly, that he doesn't want to transfer up. He's played at that level and struggled with the attitides of some players, many coaches and parents. Kids' football can be absolutely brutal.

Unfortunately some parents think their kid is the next Ronaldo despite all evidence to the contrary. If they are being abusive to the ref has this been reported to the league, have the club been fined? That might have an impact. The club should have a behaviour policy / code of conduct kids and parents sign up to and they should be enforcing it. I agree with the poster who said to have a quiet word with the coach but be prepared to move him. Unfortunately dropping down to a 'lower ability' team doesn't necessarily help, it's more about finding a coach and group of parents that think football should be enjoyable and who are more interested in kids developing rather than winning. They do exist, although definitely harder to find as you move up the age groups. Only definite way to make it happen is to run the team yourself.

Have done more than my fair share of standing at the side of a pitch. One of my kids has done the refereeing course and is an under 18 ref. My youngest plays for a girls team in a boys league.

The vast majority of parents are fine. There’s a small minority who behave digustingly. Toxic, foul language, encouraging physicality that’s bordering on injuring another child. Yes, child.

These kids are not going to be premiership footballers, but I’ve seen parents take it so seriously it’s nearly descended into fights in the car park.

they need to get a fucking life and see that we’re all there for so our kids get some fresh air and exercise and enjoy being with their mates.

my daughters team were 9-1 down today and some prick was quite literally screaming his head off at his son. Calm down and go and find another outlet for your frustration. They’re 10 year old and the goalies in tears.

can you tell I’ve had enough of ‘that’s just the game’

Who wants to play with a bunch of dickeads even if they do have talent. It's a game. It's supposed to be fun and winning is nice.

None of them are playing for a career at that age. That ship sailed years ago 🤷‍♀️

DS2 did football for a few years, but fortunately his interest in other (solo) sports won. There's much more camaraderie in running. It's you against the clock, not really against other people.

Speak to the coach. Explain your concerns, and how you think the ethos of the team has changed. If the coach doesn’t take action, then move teams. I wouldn’t be surprised if other parents, and also players aren’t happy either.

Thing is kids are getting scouted earlier and earlier now. Round here it’s not unusual for kids in reception (5 year old) to be having intense 1:1 coaching as parents feel if they’ve not been hoovered up by Man City academy system by under-7s they’ve got no chance of making it. It’s not true, there’s other routes in, but you have 5/6/7 year olds being intensively coached and encouraged to be very physical, very vocal, very confident.

This is why my best friends son who is a talented sportsman now focuses on cricket and dropped football

Yes but presumably these are not future pros - if they were then they would have been scouted years ago and now be training with the Man City development squad or whatever.

I find this really shocking. My kids are not footballers any more (both played when in primary school but their talents lie elsewhere). Dd is a national champion and on the Team GB pathway for her sport so there genuinely is a chance of fame and fortune. However, attitude and behaviour is a huge part of her agreement with Team GB and we know of people who have been cut due to poor behaviour. (Far less poor than you are describing.)

When it comes down to it the top coaches don’t want a load of prima donnas who think that they are amazing. They want talented kids who are coachable into Olympic champions.

If these kids are so great, they’ll be moving off somewhere else hopefully - but your coach isn’t developing the team. He/she is pandering to their own ego.

Yes but the parents are probably awful as well - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You can say 'The parents should...' as much as you like, but those parents won't.

I’m with you OP. I get it. I feel like if bad behaviour was cracked down on at grassroots then it will eventually filter through to the professional leagues. DD is in a competitive (non contact, no swearing etc kind of sport though, so slightly different) but we see the bad behaviour sometimes peeking through in that the ones who are seen to be better are throwing tantrums when they don’t get what they want, come and go as they please etc and it’s very frustrating for DD who works just as hard, if not harder, (safely) training through injury, but often feels overlooked.

Also - players who skip training get LESS games or game time. Though in any case we do trying to give all the kids equal time.

Actually, with a son/friends of son who are professional footballers from premiership down, the common denominator is attitude and effort. Grass roots maybe more reliant on the odd couple of really skilled players disproportionately, but that alone won't get them much higher. Its the attitude thats shown if they do get dropped thats much more important. It depends on what you want from the game i suppose.

Seriously, hockey. From 14+ the juniors play on adult teams , they still have teas with the oppo - so it can be feisty on the pitch, but then you are with the oppo afterwards so learn re respect. Two umpires, so tight control on the pitch. And no room for dangerous play because it would be too dangerous. My DS plays on a team with solicitors and bankers, tradies and farm workers. It’s been brilliant for him to learn re the world.

Hockey ! 🏑

Any kids playing like that in our team would either have to change their attitude or find a new team. We bench any kid using foul language as a starting point. Zero tolerance.

Having read all your posts you clearly DO agree with it.
Being physical is not the same as causing deliberate injury to another person.
’gobbing off’??!!! Really?? This is ok? To be encouraged? And if he spoke to you in the same way? That’s ok?
’Gobbing off’ to match officials is NEVER ok. Especially in grass roots football where the ref is a volunteer, being paid bugger all and most probably about 16 years old.
Without that person turning up every week to be verbally abused by a bunch of 10 year olds your nephew wouldn’t be playing anything.

Does he have to stay with that team? Mine has been in the same team for 10 years and they are very successful- rarely beaten, league and cup winners several times over and they are a delight if I am honest. They don't get physical on the pitch, no swearing at each other/other team and no disrespectful behaviour. The coach and parents all set the behaviour expectations and boys that couldn't follow that have left of their own accord. I have seen plenty of teams with players, managers and even coaches that encourage shitty behaviour and I wouldn't have my DS in a team like that.

I think it depends on the club the child plays for. At my son’s club, players swearing or intentionally hurting others gets you sent off the pitch where they are spoken to by their coach and then sent back on. Or kept off if they can’t calm down. I have seen clubs were the coaches couldn’t care less about bad behaviour and it wouldn’t be for us.

My son (slightly younger than yours) is physical but not aggressive. That has taken years to achieve. Realistically the better players will get more match time because it is primarily about winning so as long as it’s not unreasonable amounts of time I think that’s ok.

stakes are a bit different in water polo though. No one is playing water polo for fame and fortune. No one is playing it for fame in the school playground

Re the hat tricks thing. Honestly think about that. You think you’d not be proud if he was ‘obnoxious’ but the more praise he got and the more you got told how amazing he was you’d not be able to resist