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Palliative care nurses, do you lie?

54 replies

IsitTruewhatTheysay · 14/09/2025 11:55

When you miss your loved one die, race to the hospital and get taken into a little room. The palliative care nurse tells you it was a very peaceful death, your relative went into a very deep relaxing sleep when administered second medication after I had left. They slept deeply for acouple of hours, would not have been able to respond at that point in any way, and vitals dropped all of a sudden, and I was there when it counted, when the person was still responding.

I had been at the hospital for 8-9 hours with my relative who had the death rattle. The nurse told me she didn't think it was imminent, and I could go home for some rest. She said my parent was becoming agitated, so the second medication was on it's way from the hospital pharmacy and would be there quickly as we left.

Are they lying to make you feel better?

This information was given without me asking, and this lady was the most amazing lovely nurse I had ever met; you could not ask for anybody better to be with your relative outside of family. She apologised for saying it was not imminent, and that he deteriorated quickly with the second medication all of a sudden.

I didn't ask any questions as wanted to race to my relative as soon as possible, despite her telling me of the death, it was the way I reacted. I now wish I had asked more questions afterwards.

OP posts:
Dunnesbest · 14/09/2025 13:41

If someone is receiving palliative care it's extremely extremely rare for them to not die peacefully, so there is little need for the nurses to lie to family. My deepest condolences.

gudetamathelazyegg · 14/09/2025 13:36

So sorry for your loss OP - I'm not a palliative care nurse but have done work around end of life care. It's very common for patients to pass in that one moment that their loved ones pop out for just a minute. I don't think anyone really knows why, but it does seem to be a long recognised thing from the HCPs I know. If you want to understand more about dying I really recommend the book Modern Death by Haider Warraich - I read it a few years back and found it really delved into modern EOLC in a very sensitive way. There's also a hospice nurse in the US who makes TikToks - I think her name is Hospice Nurse Penny, and I find her explanations very empathetic and reassuring. Hope you're OK Flowers

DustyMaiden · 14/09/2025 13:27

My DS is a palliative nurse, she doesn’t lie. She does put a spin on it. I know that many people die when relatives leave the room. Too many to be coincidence.

HornyHornersPinger · 14/09/2025 13:24

Not a palliative care nurse but did sit with my Mum in April the night she died. They'd stopped 'treating her' and doing obs etc, she was confused and agitated so we asked them to give her something to make her comfortable. She went into a deep deep sleep, didnt stir when there was a room full of people talking and lights on etc when normally she'd never been able to sleep through that. She'd been asleep/unconscious for around 10 hrs when I laid down on the camp bed about 4am and turned all the lights out, it was just the 2 of us then. I woke about 5.20am to find she'd died - she did just slip away, no distress no discomfort at all, it was the silence in the room that woke me as I'd been listening to her breathing. So from my experience yes it really was peaceful once They'd given her medication, and apparently it's very common for people to 'wait' until they are alone to die.
Lots of love x

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