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Original poster

For struggling to accept this horrible situation with SK

138 replies

MangaMoo · 14/09/2025 11:40

Posting on AIBU for traffic. Long one sorry.

Ok so trying to keep a long story short here but me and DP have a very complicated situation. He has DD13 and DD12 and I have DS7. We also have an “ours” DS who is 6 months old. His DD’s raised a malicious allegation about my DS7 which BM raised to SS and so we cannot risk the kids being around each other for safeguarding reasons. I need to protect my DS from further allegations and BM has made many false allegations about DP to police, SS etc and so this is a pattern and so we both want to protect the kids as much as possible. All of them. So DP stays at his parents house when he has his DD EOW and then takes them out one night each week. That was the best compromise we could do to ensure all have a relationship with DP but the kids do not mix. We were advised to do this by SS but also agree this is wisest. So many more complications but trying to keep a long story short.

However, my issue that I am struggling with coming to terms with this situation and my feelings about my SD’s.

Part of me wants a way we can go back to the mostly happy and very normal blended family situation that we used to have and were trying to build on. Part of me just wants to keep my kids safe. Part of me is very hurt by the nastiness from my SDs towards my DS as I heard them being very nasty and name calling when they were on the phone to my DP just after they made the allegations. Largely putting on a show for BM and their older siblings at her house I know, but still very hurtful to listen to.

I do try and support my DP as they are his DDs I know and so I send small gifts for them etc from time to time, suggest nice places for him to take them etc. But then sometimes I feel guilty and disloyal to my own son for doing so. And then I remind myself they are just kids too and massively influenced by a very toxic and bitter BM who also has MH struggles so it must be a very difficult situation for them too in many ways.

I don’t know what I want for this post except maybe thoughts on best ways to handle this situation and any suggestions to maybe come to terms with the mess that it is. It is not what I wanted at all but neither me nor DP would feel safe with all the kids being together even our baby as we both fully believe that due to BMs history it would only be a matter of time before he was dragged in to her circus too.

Any advice appreciated.
😢

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 14/09/2025 11:59

Your partner has a responsibility to all his biological children as you do with yours. What a mess.
I would continue doing what you are doing and try counselling to deal with your feelings towards his daughters.
I would say all the kids need professional help with what they're going through.

Original poster
MangaMoo · 14/09/2025 11:59

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/09/2025 11:57

I would want nothing to do with either child again. They cannot be trusted again.
I would seriously be considering staying in this relationship - your son must come first.
I would also not want them around their half sibling either, this is serious op. They could end up ruining your childrens lifes.

Edited

Yes I agree. And so does DP. Hence we are keeping them separate.

OP posts:
Original poster
MangaMoo · 14/09/2025 11:58

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 14/09/2025 11:52

Your DH should try and get his daughter's into counselling. Get to the bottom of it. If your ds did nothing then this has not come from nowhere. It may be that another family member is responsible. They are all children and this needs to be taken seriously.

Edited

He wanted them to have counselling and suggested it to SS but BM doesn’t think it is necessary so it’s not happening. I personally think a lot of the blame lies with BM. I think SD went home and said my DS7 had smacked her bum (he did, while playing and she was upset about it but my DP dealt with it in the moment and then told me and I spoke to DS7 about playing nicely) but then BM has turned it all in to something much more sinister and added on a lot of extra to turn it all in to something else entirely so no longer just innocent kids behaviour. BM has MH issues which likely tie in to her making so many false allegations. This makes a reason for it however doesn’t make it any easier being on the brunt of this behaviour from her.

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 14/09/2025 11:57

I would want nothing to do with either child again. They cannot be trusted again.
I would seriously be considering staying in this relationship - your son must come first.
I would also not want them around their half sibling either, this is serious op. They could end up ruining your childrens lifes.

Facecloth · 14/09/2025 11:56

I agree with above.
You need to give your head a firm wobble.
Your poor son.
Your focus should be 100% on protecting him.
Keep those children completely away from him.

Your loyalty and concern should be to your own child.
You shouldn't be confused on this issue.
Keep them away from your children indefinitely.
I hope your poor son is getting support.

Original poster
MangaMoo · 14/09/2025 11:54

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/09/2025 11:51

Honestly OP, I’d want nothing to do with either child again. And, I’d probably be reconsidering the relationship. I wouldn’t want my children anywhere near this mess.

I would possibly feel like this except for my DP feeling exactly the same way I do. He is horrified by what his DD’s have said and done about a small child (my DS) and we have a fantastic relationship between us and he is also the father of my 6 month old baby and therefore his DD’s are half siblings to my baby too and so to some degree they will always be around

OP posts:
Owly11 · 14/09/2025 11:52

No way would I continue a relationship with SDs of any kind. Actions have consequences.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 14/09/2025 11:52

Your DH should try and get his daughter's into counselling. Get to the bottom of it. If your ds did nothing then this has not come from nowhere. It may be that another family member is responsible. They are all children and this needs to be taken seriously.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/09/2025 11:51

Honestly OP, I’d want nothing to do with either child again. And, I’d probably be reconsidering the relationship. I wouldn’t want my children anywhere near this mess.

Original poster
MangaMoo · 14/09/2025 11:51

ladybirdsanchez · 14/09/2025 11:49

So both of your DSDs have made a malicious allegation about your 7-year-old DS to their DM, who has reported it to SS. And this woman also has form for numerous malicious allegations against your DP, who is the father of your younger DC?

Bloody hell OP, what a horrible situation! Personally though, fuck that, my DS would come first, second and third. I would want nothing to do with your DPs DC and I certainly wouldn't be sending them gifts. They are only DC, I get that, and DC of a manipulative and vengeful mother, by the sound of it, but what they've done and the cloud they've put over your DS's head is unforgiveable.

Edited

Thank you. This makes me feel a little better for some of the thoughts I struggle with.

OP posts:
Original poster
MangaMoo · 14/09/2025 11:49

Diarygirlqueen · 14/09/2025 11:47

Are you 100% certain that your son is innocent?

Yes. SK have changed their story since and we were there. He is also 7 years old so not likely to touch someone with sexual intent - he is very innocent and it is a ridiculous accusation. However, even if I were to play devils advocate and say they could be correct it doesn’t really change the safeguarding issues does it?

OP posts:
ladybirdsanchez · 14/09/2025 11:49

So both of your DSDs have made a malicious allegation about your 7-year-old DS to their DM, who has reported it to SS. And this woman also has form for numerous malicious allegations against your DP, who is the father of your younger DC?

Bloody hell OP, what a horrible situation! Personally though, fuck that, my DS would come first, second and third. I would want nothing to do with your DPs DC and I certainly wouldn't be sending them gifts. They are only DC, I get that, and DC of a manipulative and vengeful mother, by the sound of it, but what they've done and the cloud they've put over your DS's head is unforgiveable.

Diarygirlqueen · 14/09/2025 11:47

Are you 100% certain that your son is innocent?

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