For struggling to accept this horrible situation with SK

I don't think the OP behaving like a teenager herself is going to help any.

They aren't bitches, they are teen/preteen girls living in a toxic situation with a toxic mother. Certainly it appears they have behaved badly but they should not be judged as adults.

Of course the OP needs to stay away from them and focus on her children, but I'd very much hope her so knows nothing/little of what he's been accused of, so she does not need to speak about them to him, beyond explaining that their father will be seeing them at grannies in future so they won't be around.

Your laungage is absolutely appalling.

The OP post explains what happened. Her 7 year did in fact do something inappropriate. At 7 kids absolutely should have been taught about appropriate touching and slapping a girls bum isnt it. The child is also fully entitled to tell her other parent about it. Whether the OP and her DP dealt with it or not.

It was the OP dp ex who took it further.

@MangaMoo what is his current legal custody situation and decision making, and have the children ever had a Guardian ad litem appointed?

At the moment keeping the two units separate is for the best, but the reality is they are experiencing a very damaging childhood as a result of living with their mother. One that likely will countinue to have negative impacts on them until they either leave her care or have independent outside therapy to help them understand healthy behaviour, boundaries and emotional control.

I mean this kindly, but do not add more children to this mess.
It is a mess.
Your son doesn't deserve to have his childhood marred by your choice of new partner.

I really would be rethinking this relationship completely if there is ANY suggestion of those children being in your home ever again.

Again, meant kindly, if you have children already, and then you get into a relationship with a man with a toxic Ex, you are always putting your existing child at risk.
Your have put your wish for a relationship with this man, ahead of what is best for your existing child.
You have brought this toxicity into your childs life.

I mean it kindly, but it is a rare women who is so boundaried that can keep it separate.

You have left your child down badly by bringing him into this situation.

Keep reminding yourself of that when you start feeling sympathy for children that are not yours.

Your son deserves to be your priority completely.
This toxicity has brought SS's into your home and son's life.

Focus on that.
Wishing you well.

nope. tbh in your shoes i wouldn't want anything to do with them at all. Any contact with their half-sibling to be supervised by your partner at all times, and they don't get presents or anything from you.

Carry on as you are, support your partner by listening to any venting etc, but you don't have to have any contact with them at all. They have not earned that privelege.

I can say that I can barely believe a seven year old would touch an older child 'sexually'. I mean if they did then it would be a red flag for the fact they were being SA or witnessing SA/ inappropriate content.

I presume this was explored and there was nothing like that. So I feel really sorry for you and your child.

Honestly I don't think you and your child can live in the house with the two kids that made the accusations. That is if course assuming they are baseless. Which I strongly assume they must be.

I would throw all thoughts of happy blended families from your mind. It just isn't possible now.

Focus on your two kids and your own family unit with them and DP. Of course support your partner to make the time to see his daughters, but don't get involved in any way beyond that - his parents can worry about gifts and facilities for them - the best way to deal with a toxic situation to to step as far out of it as you can.

(And I am a long term SM of two kids whom I love dearly, so I'm not anti-blended families in any way, but like any family, some times you really do have to call time on it.)

Yup you’re doing right by your ds. Keep him far away and don’t give anyone the opportunity to get him in trouble

Absolutely - the message to your son has to be loud and clear. Those bitches be dead to me. Id never interact with them again, there is no longer a "blended" family... and if that means no relationship So be it

I think all you can do is carry on as you are. Let go of the fantasy of a happy blended family and accept that this is how it is. Don't get involved with SDDs and concentrate on your own two children. Let your partner organise his own time with his daughters and fully support him to spend time with them.

My only concern would be if the daughters relationship with their mother were to break down, as can often happen during teenager years, your partner would have to step up and look after them - this would mean that they either come and live with you as a family or that he would have to move out to provide them with a home with him. Would you be prepared to live separately if this was the case?

Both parents would need to agree to it since it involves minors.

Are you sure you were always present? Because if you weren’t then it may be that something highly inappropriate did happen in which case it is pretty obvious who the perpetrators are.

These girls need counselling. If they are abusers then they have almost certainly been abused themselves.

But hell would freeze over before I let them within a mile of my children. Even if they admit their accusations were lies it doesn’t mean that they are not abusers.

I’m sorry, what a terrible situation to be in.

I’d leave. And I’m not a poster who usually would advocate for that - but living with this kind of ongoing drama which is outside of your control just sounds like a nightmare for everyone.

As to if your son is guilty of whatever he’s accused of (and noting he’s 7 so querying what exactly it could be or the intent etc) - I don’t see how you can move beyond this incident in a functional way, while protecting with him or the SDs based on whatever actually happened and the eventual outcome.

He wanted them to have counselling and suggested it to SS but BM doesn’t think it is necessary so it’s not happening.

I dont have much experience with divorced/ blended families but can she control what he does in his time? Why cant he arrange private or nhs counselling and take the girls on his days?

Separately

• your situation sounds SO hard. Dealing with this and a new baby sounds bloody horrible and is probably ruining what should be a nice time which sucks.
• there is no fucking way I'd be buying them presents!!!! Even at 12 you KNOW accusing someone of something like that is serious and really wrong.

Obviously your SD didn't want the blended family, and have got what they wanted.

DP needs to get to the bottom of the situation and BMs manipulation: it’s not enough to have a side-show as that leaves you ostracized and unsupported.

What are SS doing about the false allegations and BM’s control? Why can she veto the therapy? Was there an independent /qualified interviewer about the allegation? How can you move on without that being resolved?

I've a 7 year dgs. Its inconceivable. They are little kids

So SS agree the the accusations were malicious? What are SS doing about the DD's mum and her coercing them into making these sort of malicious accusations. Is the mother not under SS investigation?

He's 7. What is he likely to be guilty of.?

I’d avoid them for now from a safeguarding perspective but say very little and be fully prepared for at some point for them to disclose they were persuaded to say certain things. If that happens as hard as it is I’d try to forgive and forget as they are only young and are probably being used .