How old is too old to have a child?

There's some recent research saying that later pregnancy can prolong lifespan due to the stem cells so may not be all bad. Personally I had my first mid 20s and remember being in a baby class where virtually everyone else was mid 40s. I'd imagine the likelihood of that varies by area.

Forgive me for playing devil's advocate in a really distasteful way, given the current climate you could argue that having a child at an older age and dying when your child is 30 would give them the best chance of getting on the housing ladder.

One of my parents lost one parent in their teens and another when they were shy of 40. Inherited and retired at 50. Both in very good health until they suddenly weren't and had a close relationship woth each.

Money is no substitute for time, but I had 20-something parents and lost one young anyway so there are no guarantees in lofe I did have their most fun and active years tho.

I had my ds4 6 months ago. I'm 43. In hospital I felt like the oldest one there, there were 2 lots of 3 new parents on my ward (I stayed 2 days these people stayed 1 day)
Every other mum seemed young and had their partner stay with them, while I was there all alone as my husband had to stay with our 3 kids. I had a cesarean and when I caught sight of myself hobbling to the toilet I looked about 90 years old!

One of my son’s friends (they’re in Y1) his mum is 50 (I’m 40). She’s lovely, chatted with her a lot, she spent years trying to have him and finally at 44 IVF worked. I never view her as ‘old’, she’s the life and soul, very sociable, fun and easy to get along with. She’s super successful too, her son has an amazing life. I’ve never once judged her for her age - only time I remember it being a thing was when she told me how old she was and I almost collapsed with the shock! She doesn’t seem it at all.

Imo its less about age, it's what you are doing with those years instead of prioritising your unborn child having a parent around for longer.

I think there's a big difference between freezing them because of illness/recovery compared to say being in a relationship with a man leading you up the garden path about getting married and having kids one day and freezing eggs because you want insurance.

On the former example, you're putting your unborn child first, in the latter, you're putting your need for codependency first.

Had mine 24, 27, 32 and 34. Two in my 20s and two in my 30s. By far I bounced back easier in my 20s after pregnancy.

I’m an older mother of an only child. I was 42. I’m not sure I would entirely recommend it, but for me personally it’s been wonderful.

I didn’t deliberately delay motherhood; I just met DH very late in life. While those ‘lost years’ could be a source of sadness, for me I think the wisdom and pragmatism outweigh any downsides.

Something nobody tells you is the difference that having a 40-something’s money and established career make to child-rearing.

I can afford to pay for the best of the best - brilliant healthcare, brilliant nanny-housekeeper, brilliant nursery, catchment area of a brilliant school. I was able to take off 2 years for ‘maternity’ leave. DH and I have been able to attend every single school event and match because we’re too senior and established in our careers to need to request permission. We’re always around, WFH has basically enabled us to raise our kid while working FT (the nanny is just a spare pair of hands).

I realise we’re very lucky v. the general population, but the biggest luck was just the timing - timing that most people counsel against, certainly on MN.

There have been cases of women having fertility treatment in their 60s and I would say that is too old. Mainly from the point of view of life expectancy, and potential health issues in older age.
I wouldn't says 40s is too old, but I also think that the average age of mums can be dependent on area/demographics. Having a baby at 40 wouldn't make you stand out in the school playground as an older mum, where I am.

I’m 38, and although I’ve more or less decided to stick with having one child, I’ve told myself that if I ever did change my mind, I’d only give it until 40. One of my biggest fears is the possibility of having a child with additional needs. I know that sounds harsh, but my sister had special needs and it was incredibly hard and life-changing for my parents — I just don’t feel I’d be strong enough to go through that myself. On top of that, the idea of still being deep in the parenting trenches at 50 or 55 doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’d much rather be enjoying adult-only holidays and city breaks with a glass of wine alongside my (then) 20-year-old. 😆 In saying that that is very personal to me and I know a few who have had kids until 42/43.

I had my second at 43, no I didn’t feel different. Several of my friends had babies at the same age. I think I was probably more tired than a younger mum, I would have loved a baby in my twenties but my life didn’t pan out that way. Now I am in my early 60s and youngest dd is 18, I love it. It’s really nice having teenagers at my age. Daughters don’t mind that I am older than a lot of their friends’ parents.
My main regret is that I will get less time with them than if I’d been in a solid relationship at 27 and had a baby then. I feel lucky to have got pregnant very swiftly in my forties though.

That is really interesting. It was the complete opposite for me, I was at a key stage in my career at 27-35, I had my DD at 36 as that seemed like sufficient career building to step off for a year. Even that absolutely terrified me. Do you mind me asking what line of work you are in?

I think many are older parents now, at least in London, I don’t think you’d be particularly exceptional to be 45-50 and be a first time parent. With age comes experience, I would have been an awful parent in my 20s, despite being very fertile, I didn’t own property or have savings to pay for childcare and all the other luxuries that make life better for all.

For me I didn't want any kids past 30 but that's because I'd had my first at 23 and once you're onto your second / subsequent kids it is more about how they will fit into existing family dynamics etc

At 36 I now feel far too old for a baby but that's more about being so totally over it where babies in general are concerned. Plus cumulative tiredness from parenting for 13 years already 😂

I do feel qualified to answer since I have 5 quite spread out . My first was at 23 last was at 38 . 23 was so much easier and I feel.able to help with DGC . At 38 the night feeds were much more difficult and he was a very good baby . But we have a great relationship.as well . For many the later age is the only option and I certainly wouldnt have missed out on any of them .

That is a very good point actually. I had a lot more energy with my first than I did with my second. I had them both in my early 30s, and they were close together, so 2-3 years wouldn't have made a difference on energy levels at that time.

Collective sleep deprivation is no joke.😴

Oh, forgot to add as well that children cause parents a lot of anxiety which again drains reserves, having that for longer further tires you. It is impossible to know either way, but it definately takes it's toll the longer it goes on, or has for me anyway.

This is so lovely to hear. I had my children at 41 and 45. I hope they feel about me the way you do about your mum. You sound like a fabulous daughter.

Had mine with no fertility issues at 38 and 40
I wouldnt want one at 43 myself but believe i could if i wanted to (my GMs has their last at 44 and 45)
... but everyone's different 42/43/44 isnt wildly unusual.
I do think I'd have more kids if I started younger...

and i do agree with you about egg freezing though..unless its radically improved I wasnt impressed, I looked at it when I was 30 and single - the invasiveness vs success of egg freezing meant it was a no from me.
Embryos statistically do much better but to get a live birth from an egg? It was a bridge too far for me.

I had all three of mine by 31, we had planned for one more but that didn't happen.
Personally I wouldn't have been wanting to try past 45.

I had mine at 32 and 34, it felt right. I'm considering a final baby at 39 and I just cannot make the decision.

I had my DC in my late 30s and early 40s. I was not noticeably older than the other Mums at school, nor did I have less energy than I had in my 20s (in fact I was much fitter in my 40s than I was in my 20s or 30s). I have a stable marriage and lots more money which enabled us to pay for childcare and a cleaner. I'm now in my mid 50s, my DC are all teenagers, I've only just starting to have irregular periods (my Mum also had a late menopause and at 79 is only just beginning to start slowing down a bit). I've noticed that people who have DC young tend to age faster than those who have DC later, I think being in my 50s and still having teenagers at home keeps me young and in touch with current trends whereas if I was a grandmother at this age that automatically makes you feel much older.

Anyway, I think as long as you are capable of getting pregnant and are in a stable relationship and can afford kids go for it.

Exactly

If you have young kids later you probably seem younger anyway as you have to keep active plus you had more time to look after yourself in your 30s.

Also older mums live longer statistically although they could be because they tend to be richer.

I think there are pros and cons for having children when you are younger or older. It all comes down to the individual.

Mum had me when she was 44. She’s a lovely mum and I’m glad I’m here!
I’m mid 30s and my mum is approaching 80, and it is a bit scary and sad to think that I will lose her within the next 20 years, perhaps much sooner. But I don’t think she regrets having me, and I certainly don’t regret having her 🥰