How old is too old to have a child?

This is spot on.

It’s only 5k to freeze I lost 30k taking a years maternity leave let alone the costs of baby stuff. I didn’t have a partner when I froze them

Yes, but your experience of being 43 is as a mother of a young child having spent the last 6 years pregnant and raising a small child, with all the sleep deprivation, juggling and exhaustion that goes with that. You are bound to have less energy than a child-free 43 year-old who hasn’t gone through any of that and who has prioritised self-care and exercise, can afford frequent restful holidays etc.

Personally I would have the cut off of 44/45 but that's based on ability to deal with all years.

I do however have a few friends who's partners/husbands are over 50 and have young children (age gap in relationships average of 11 years).

I had my children at 32 and 35 and would say in my area for DS1 I was on the younger side of most mums.
Most mums around here second or third child the mum is between 36 and 42.

Had my oldest 2 at 20 and 22yrs and youngest at 37yrs. Easy uncomplicated pregnancies and straightforward births with all 3 so was up and active straight after giving birth.

Tougher financially with older 2 whereas with youngest been able to establish a career but own home. I find youngest much more exhausting but think that’s maybe as i’m juggling working more alongside her and playing taxi for older 2 whilst having a baby was exhausting. But overall we have fun.

If was adding a child/one more child due to new relationship at an older age i would but would not be adding more as it’s exhausting. Women in my family do tend to live to very old age with little health issues though so would be more worried if history of younger deaths

Forty would have been the cut off for me. Had mine much earlier but certainly wouldn’t have wanted any after forty. Energy wise i felt young in my fifties, as young as I was in my thirties, but once into my sixties I’m really getting tired and am very glad no kids still at home. The majority of our friends have had serious health concerns too

I think 42 tops.

I froze mine when I was 32 as I was single. I met my child father when I was 34 and had our planned baby naturally when I was 36. My eggs are srill
on ice in case I meet the love of my life and we want a child together as I’m nearly 40

One point people often forget is that while people are certainly having their first children older, women in the past very much did still have kids well into their forties. My grandad who was born in 1918 was the last child of his mother, born when she was 45. And then he was nearly 50 when my mother, his last child, was born.

I think up to 45, even maybe 50 is fine. Not ideal of course but if you have extra help to deal with lower energy, a hands on spouse helping with the parenting, a support network etc. it all helps.

I don't think people should plan to have kids at that age, of course being younger is mostly better, but for some people life doesn't pan out that way.

It's too individual to ask such a question. Had my second at 43, naturally.
I don't understand why, if you are wealthy enough to have eggs frozen, you don't just have the children while you have the money work a bit less.

Finances never entered my decision as I've always been working class and not well off. It was all about timing. I'm at a time where raising them is all I want to do so am doing it.

It's that simple for me. I'd not have another though am probably able to do so in a few years' time.

My personal cut off was 35. I didn't have the smoothest journey. Many will have children later than this, so it's individual really. I think about 42 was the latest age I'd have been physically capable.

I was 34 and 38 when I had my dc, my mum was 18 and 23 when she had my sister and then me. I feel I have experience of both young and older mums. My mum is amazing, probably the best mum ever, she knew she was young and felt she was always being judged so she made it her business to do the absolute best she could and tbh, she nailed it. I am older so people assume I’ll jump in with the slating of young mums, they learn pretty soon that I won’t.

That said, I’m a pretty damn good mum myself. My dc are now 23 and 19 and I’m 58, I’m still young enough to keep up with them, have high energy levels and an interest in the world they’re living in, I can keep up with fashions and technology, I actually work in a very technical industry, so I’m often still ahead of them in that respect. Honestly, age has so much less to do with being a good mum than personality.

So many people here saying it’s hard for young people to look after aging parents, try looking after old people when you’re pretty old yourself, My parents are healthy and fit now, in their early 80’s, so are expected to live into their 90’s, as did their parents, I’ll be cracking in for 70 by the time they need my help, I’ll be knackered!

There’s really no perfect ages. You’ll face issues at some point, no matter what.

Generally I would say you are too old to be a mum when you cannot conceive naturally. There are caveats to this - if you have prematurely gone into menopause eg due to cancer treatment or just genetics (let’s say under 42) or where ivf is needed for medical reasons then it’s fine but only up to this normal window, this is in line with NHS guidelines. Past this natural conception window, using ivf seems wrong to me

Not normal no, but not exceptional for people in their mid 40's to be having kids.

There are many factors that might make having kids easier or harder; some people in their 20's are lacking in energy through poor lifestyle and physically incapable of running around after their kids. Some people in their 40's run marathons and and physically incredibly fit and well. If you want to be a good parent in your 40's you can be.

I think it depends how many children you want. If I go down the baby route, I know I would only want one, so starting ‘late’ is not so much of an issue. If you want 3 or more children, starting at 40+ is a bit risky.

Agreed - in my experience of working in the City it's very unusual for people to have kids before mid 30's.

I’m 35 and don’t feel done yet. I would be happy to have another one at some point in the next 10 years.

I think my limit would be 40-43ish. Though I had DS at 36 and then twins 16 months later and that was me definitely done!

OP - you seem to be strangely concerned with people’s perceived opinions of you.

Nobody cares how old you are, and nobody knows your age anyway.
Do you live in a village where people all know each other and each other’s business?

In addition - kids don’t see the age the same way adults do. A 5yo, even a 10yo - is not going to look at their 40-50yo mother and judge her as too old. It’s not a thing 🤷🏻‍♀️. I have heard kids of much older men - (think 3rd wife, etc) - upon reflection when grown up say - Dad was old, couldn’t do much. But that is rare. And also depends more on what parents did - activities, holidays - rather on how parents looked.

Women have kids in their 30s and 40s, certainly in London, and others don’t care or notice. If anything - in Central london it’s more noticeable if a mother is too young. Where I live - most women have had careers and did not have children in their 20s.

As to not being around when kids are young adults - if you have kids in your 40s - you are in your 60s when kids are adults. Surely you are not suggesting that at 60 we are feeble and nor being able to be there for our kids.

Any parent can of course develop health issues and die suddenly - that is a concern for all parents, but it can strike at any age.
But if you are generally healthy and take care of yourself - people can still lead normal lives i to their 60-70+ - and certainly see their kids well into adulthood.

I don't think its relevant if I thought I could have a baby in my 40s, I would say no because I already have two teenagers who hard enough work I can't imagine having to find time for a baby. However my SIL had her first baby at 42yrs and she is loving it. They have a lovely house and plenty of savings, I wouldn't say she has less energy than me when my babies were younger.

The view of what an older mother is very much determined by your environment. I once chatted to a woman who said she'd “left it late” to have her son. She was 32 when he was born. Same age as me when I had my first which was seen as normal in my social circle. In her social circle it was geriatric.

I’m burnt out by years of parenting and was also diagnosed with cancer aged 46, but I actually think I’d have done better having them younger. I was too set in my ways by my 30s and found the transition hard. My granny was in her 40s when she had my dad but he was her 11th!