How old is too old to have a child?

Due to fertility issues, I had my first at 33 and second at 37. I had decided before then that 40 was my cut off point for children. I have friends in their early 40s who are trying to conceive via IVF so nowadays for me 45 would be the cut off.

My mum was 44 when she had me (naturally, no IVF back then). She was always fit and active and well-groomed, I was never aware of her being an older mum. I think it really depends on the individual. I had my first child at 21, my last at 37, and I was just as tired etc at 21 as I was at 37, didn't really find it any harder work. My grandmother had her last (9th) child at 52......😳

I had my one (and only) at 31 and felt it was an optimum age - good career, stable finances, own home etc. I’m no longer with his father, and therefore when I met my partner aged 37 I felt, after we’d been together a while, that I would like to have another. We tried for a bit, but nothing stuck and we considered IVF privately.

By the time I’d done the requisite research and forward financial planning, I turned 40, and now know I’m in perimenopause. I’ve decided that it’s just not for us - I’m exhausted, mentally finding things difficult as it is (and I struggled mentally after the birth of my DS) and I don’t think I could do babyhood again. DS is 9, a joy to be around, and when he’s a teenager I’ll still be relatively young.

I have several friends who have had kids well into their 40s.

I don'/ know anyone except people who were young mums who think they are 'slowing down' in their early 40s. I went back to work FT at 50 and am nowhere near wanting to retire. If you feel like you are 'too old' to have kids in your 30s or early 40s (as opposed to being happy with the size of your family) maybe you should look at your diet and exercise regime and do something radical to stop yourself prematurely aging.

From observing other mums in my circle.

40

I completely agree. I had my 3 between the ages 21 and 26. I'm 33 now and can't think of anything worse then having a baby again but that's because the age u had mine rather then my age now

My cut off was 40. Arbitarily decided by me, so that my last baby would be out of education by the time I retired. She was born 3 weeks before I was 41.

14 years later… a lot of my peer-colleagues are reducing their hours, looking at early retirement… and that is impossible for me! If you have any notion of early retirement, then don’t have a baby when you are 41.

36/37 considering you have to raise them and support them emotionally and financially for approximately 23 years, although I think your never too old for a good mothers support, 21/23 Years is the minimum.

How would you know as you weren’t a young mum so you really can’t compare, most people do have more energy when they are younger, I certainly did

Of course you're more tired when you already have kid/s, it's incomparable to going from 0-1 at any age.

I had my first at 23 and my last at 32. The difference in tiredness was crazy.

I'm obviously talking typically.

I think PP meant stopped ovulating due to age, not prematurely.

Disagree. How about those of us with PCOS and endometriosis etc? We are young but have difficulties ovulating.

Too old would be when a woman has stopped ovulating. But if she still is, conceives and carries a pregnancy to term, that's of course no one's business but her's.

I am in your shoes. I initially set myself a cut off of 40 but I'm now considering pushing it to 41 because frankly I'd like to do nice stuff not being pregnant for my 40th birthday and I have a couple of nice holiday ideas with DC for the same year. I had bad issues with multiple unexplained pregnancy losses before at what was considered prime time for having a child so IMO it's all full of shit. I spent several years trying to succesfully give birth to a living baby which had a huge impact on where I am now with only one DC, I always wanted 2. But tbh I am not so convinced now. Like I said, I will have a nice few months celebrating my 40th and then a year of not preventing getting pregnant, I think. I'm also on a healthkick and want to lose some weight, for me, and in case I get pregnant too. So might be 41, after all, or no more kids for me.

Btw, I don't judge anyone's age or cut off. I think we need to talk about maternal mental health, men being crap and the financial squeeze as huge factors in decision making here more than age, it's just a number.

Loads of women have kids in their 40s and have done for many years - well before IVF. It’s a daft question because it’s an entirely person decision. Yes of course if you’re well over 50/60 it’d be bonkers but many women naturally conceive over 40. It would be too old for a lot of people (including me) but that doesn’t mean it’s too old for you.

I’m 35 and ttc. I feel I’m old 😣😢 I would give up at 40-41 and succumb to opening a hotel for dachshunds.

IMO, 43-44 - for the child’s sake. Grown adults can do whatever they like. But I think it’s best for a child to have healthy parents, good relationships with grandparents/the generation above their parents, cousins, aunts/uncles. It’s good for them to see and learn what middle age and old age look like, what life holds in store, to benefit from the experience of older people. That’s an ideal scenario. Also obvious to compromise outcomes in pregnancy.

Just my personal opinion.

I’d say once you start perimenopause that’s your body trying to tell you something. I wouldn’t push against nature. So in my case it would’ve been around 40.

I was basically free by my late 30s and able to please myself.

Whereas I was free to enjoy my 20s and early 30s with no responsibilities (no children and parents middle aged so not yet needing support) before having children to care for. In my 50s now, kids are teenagers and the first will be off to Uni this time next year, both their grandmothers still live independently. Life expectancy is early 80s in this country and women who have children late are more likely to have a long life.

Around the age of 40-42 is to old, when the body struggles to concieve naturally & the risks of having a disabled child rockets.

I conceived DS at 41 the first month of trying. He's now a teenager and I'm still having periods. Lots of women are still fertile into their 40s.

I'm happy to have had children in my very early 20s as I'm now able to play a big part with grandchildren and would not be surprised to be around for a good few years with great grandchildren. I was basically free by my late 30s and able to please myself.

For me personally - up to 32 at the very most. I didn't want to be an old mother, didn't want to be in my 40s with a baby/toddler. My child will be a legal adult when I'm 42 and that's exactly how I planned it.

Generally, I think about 42 would be a cut off. No one - female or male - should have children in their 50s, IMO. That's just selfish and unfair to the child.

I don’t necessarily think there is much difference, I’d be OK having a 12/13 yo now. I think there’s a responsibility to maintaining your health which probably isn’t there to the same degree when you’re younger, but I see plenty of parents in their 40’s who are distinctly unfit and unhealthy. I know 38 isn’t as old as you were meaning but I think my comment on it being personality rather than age that has the greatest impact is valid. Plus the 38 was really in response to others who were saying over 35 or there abouts is too old.