To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

Yes I do know that.

Why do people care what random anonymous posters think though?

the implication is as clear as day)… inferring that it’s the duty of every woman to focus on money and independence, and to suppress any maternal instincts which the “evil patriarchy” has manipulated them to feel.

No, that 'implication' is not as 'clear as day'.

@Bluelilacbella

You’re slightly misquoting. Moat people don’t regret having had worked, but many people at the end of their lives do regret having spent too much time at work and missing out on other aspects of life.

It's always said that people say this. Neither of my parents said this on their deathbeds. My dad died after a long, successful career that he passionately loved and which supported our family. My mum died very bitter about not having managed to get a previously successful career on track after having children.

I just think its one of these little homilies people trot out without thinking about it and it doesn't really stand up to scrutiny.

If someone had worked less or not worked at all their family would have less money, less stability. Saying you wish you had less money in return for having had a couple of extra years at home with their kids when they were toddlers is ridiculous. And as for "missing out on other aspects of life": you're far more likely to miss out on things as a result of not having any money to spend on yourself than you are by having a rewarding career that enables you and your family to do things you enjoy.

I suppose it could be said by an extreme workaholic who had chosen not to have children at all because they wanted to focus on work and then later realised they'd missed out on having a family.

But this isn't what we're talking about. We're talking about women who already have children choosing to work, in most cases supplementing a man's income, to enhance the family's finances and to shore up their own employability. Or because they actually need to work.

If, on your deathbed, you "regret" having helped support your family, that would be a bit of a headscratcher.

Honestly, I think that kind of sentimental, largely imaginary claptrap is designed to make women think it’s somehow ‘better’ to be at home with their children than pursuing their own ambitions and/or financially supporting those children. Like the people who warn the childfree that they’re going to be lonely in old age, like it’s some kind of ‘gotcha’ reason for having a child they don’t want.

Unless someone is routinely interviewing those about to die about their working lives and recording the data, there’s absolutely no basis for it, anyway.

You’re slightly misquoting. Moat people don’t regret having had worked, but many people at the end of their lives do regret having spent too much time at work and missing out on other aspects of life.

@JTT95

I think most people would prefer to spend more time with their family vs their colleagues.

Of course. But its a poor analogy. Thats like asking if someone would prefer a glass of champagne to a glass of orange juice.

Obviously not working in the moment is more fun than working. But if you were drinking champagne all day every day your life would not be great.

You would have to be either very driven or a bit odd to want to work 24/7 over be with your family. But we are talking about work as part of a balanced approach to life that also includes being with your family.

Its not a zero sum game.

I think this is definitely something to consider. I've seen multiple cases where the man who has been happy to fund the household when children were small start to change when heading towards 50s and thinking about retirement. Its one thing to fund the household for a few years, compared to having to delay retirement because the other partner doesn't work.

I'm happy for myself because I want to be independent, I want to earn and I am definitely happier when I'm working. I feel sad for my kids who had to start nursery aged 1 (which i agree is too early) and who now have very long days (about 8h in school on average including wrap around care) because I work full time.

Financially I didn’t need to work but doing so enabled DH and I to retire in our early 50’s. We’re throughly enjoying this latest phase of our lives.

That's quite a funny post for someone who said:
I wish it was like the olden days where a man’s wage was enough to suport the whole family

Absolutely. I’m one of the people who, if I died tomorrow, would be desperately regretful on my deathbed that I hadn’t produced more work. I would be sad not to see my son into adulthood, yes, but not working more would be right up there too.

I agree.

I enjoy my career and get so much more out of it than money, though that is nice too. Knowing my DC won't live in poverty like I did and I'm working hard to give them a better life than I had is something I can't imagine ever regretting.

I 100% agree with you. It's always felt to so wrong to me.

And speaking of deathbed regrets, wishing one hadn’t worked so hard and spent more time with their families is a big one, for men and women!

This is such a hoary old cliche which gets trotted out endlessly. In fact I think it’s a massive misconception. The only time people regret working too much is when it’s cited in divorce cases by a wife whose husband find excuses not to be at home with the family.

Lots of people regret not working enough. People regret all the time not pushing themselves to achieve their full capability. My mum desperately regretted not working hard enough. She died bitter about the fact she never managed to get back to work. I will never regret the fact my salary had supported my daughter.

I don’t believe anyone regrets doing a job they love or even one they don’t love but have had to do to survive. Why would you regret doing something you enjoy, that pays well and improves your family’s outcomes?

I wouldn’t happily pay someone to look after their own child.

Not all workers are net contributors, in fact many people won’t be, their contribution still goes into the wider “pot” though doesn’t it.

Assuming we mean the same thing in terms of net contribution, the latest figure I can find is £41k - many people don’t earn that, I wouldn’t say they all should just stay home?

No I’d imagine she isn’t. But then I don’t believe it should come down to net contribution, because many people aren’t.

One of my employees is on NMW, she uses 2 x 30hr nursery placements - for her 1 year old and 3 year old, and pays for the remainder of hours they’re in.

She absolutely isn’t a net tax contributor, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t work if she wants to and put the children in nursery to facilitate that.

Are you children never hard work? I don’t believe you.

I can see the value in parents having a break, and in parents being able to work 30hrs without breaking the bank for childcare.

The fact is, most parents aren’t early years educators. Admittedly at 9 months that’s less important, but children who access childcare also access opportunities for learning that in lots of cases they wouldn’t get at home. They also learn vital skills from spending time with their peers.

Her mum may find her hard work. Some people do find their children hard work.

There are benefits outside of this for children attending nursery too.

It was introduced to allow parents to work more, to help with child care affordability, and also for child development.

Your children won’t remember or care that you were at home

How old is the child? I sort of get it, amazing to have two days to yourself! Depends how happy the child is I guess.

Not if you WFH or your commute is far less than an hour or you work part time or flex around the child's other parent.

The majority of mothers who do work, don't even work 5 full days anyway.