To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

Yes it would be nice if you didn’t have to work at Tesco’s

but putting it as mothers , not parents , having more choice is wrong

Most women (and men) don't have careers, they have jobs. But neo-liberal capitalism does not value things like childrearing or breastfeeding so they are counted as costs not benefits to the economy and if a person is not an economic unit then they are of no worth. The result of this viewpoint is children who are not thriving, women who are doing the double shift and men just go on regardless.

If my choice was a Tesco's checkout, or even teaching, I would not go back to work if I could avoid it. There are so many better ways of spending the time when your children are young than having someone else do much of the child-rearing.

It isn't very pro-woman to call them ''wage slaves'' either when men are usually called providers for earning money for their family.

Working for a living is not being a 'wage slave'.

Having a child is very expensive, and someone has to pay for it.

So unless you're lucky enough to be independently wealthy, what you are advocating is that the man becomes a 'wage slave' and his wife makes herself and her children entirely dependent on him. Definitely not very liberating.

Hmm. Unless the man was an abuser or an addict I suppose and then you’d all be f*. I’m glad we have the ability to take care of ourselves and our families now. Lots of men cannot be relied on.

My grand mothers worked. Their mothers worked. Their grandmothers worked. This myth of women not working in the ‘olden days’ is just that - a myth.

How does wishing women had more choice over the lives they lead a symptom of the “patriarchy”?

It sounds like your feminism is all about restricting choice and demanding women become wage slaves… not a very liberating pro-woman philosophy is it….

I agree, it’s a shame that the cost of living is so high now that some women don’t have a choice to stay at home when they would like to. I feel extremely lucky that my son is 5 years old, in year 1 and I’m still a SAHM (although I did do my undergraduate degree during these years). Starting my master’s 2 years part-time next week so I’ll be at home for another couple of years at least :)

No not really. No one forced them to have a baby, no one forces them back to work. They are all decisions made by adults who have free will.

If that's the case, then obviously it's best for you to stay at home.

Not sure why this is anyone else's concern however?

Do you need to say anything, though? What about just listening to how they feel? Maybe ask about what they are doing for and with their DC in their non- work time? How they are organising childcare, how their partner feels? What their actual workplace is like? If they are meeting new people or what challenges they are having or where they are succeeding. You know, focus on them without making it about how you feel.

I certainly would not want to return to a (mythical?)time when men went to work and women stayed home
MyDH and I both work and share everything equally
If men or women want to stay home that is their choice, but they shouldn’t get state support to do so
My DC are well adjusted happy young adults whom I have a great relationship with as does their Dad, and they appreciate the financial support we have been able to provide

Why just women? Especially when we're talking about after 1+ year.

Flexible working should just be a more available option when it is possible depending on the career and it should become socially acceptable for men to request it as much as women so both parents can spend more time with their DC.

I’d hate to be a SAHM, I’m not cut out for full time motherhood and hats off to those that are.

Having said that, I’d love for both me and my partner to work less. The ideal would be 3 days work a week each, 2 days as a family and 1 day each personal time! While still having jobs of a similar level and challenge as we do now.

Never gonna happen, but it’s nice to dream …

Oh dear. The patriarchy has you well trained OP.

As long as we continue to perpetuate the myth that women are here to make life easier for the men folk, then that cycle will continue.

Fuck that.

Do you 'feel sad' for everyone who would like not to work but finances won't allow? Because that's the majority of people.

@Hankunamatata

I personally did not want to make myself financially vulnerable when I had children so kept working. Was I sad I had to keep working, a bit but I recognised the pro outweighed the cons.

Exactly. Being at home with children for any prolonged period of time comes at the cost of financial independence and agency. There is no credible evidence of any significant long term benefit to the children of having a mother at home beyond a certain point and it comes at a very high cost to the woman.

Thats a choice some will still make if they can afford it and they absolutely should be free to make it. But seeing the alternative as a tragedy for women is misguided.

In am ideal world women would be financially independent and we could do what we like

However life doesnt work like that. The concept of sahm is a modern concept. My working class grandparents and their parents all worked while older relatives who weren't fit for work minded the children. Rarely could women afford just to stay home and not have an income

I personally did not want to make myself financially vulnerable when I had children so kept working. Was I sad I had to keep working, a bit but I recognised the pro outweighed the cons.

I tend to agree with you OP. Although the way you phrase it is a bit old-fashioned. You are always going to get people defending their choices. I think a parent should be able to stay at home and bring up their own children. It doesn't have to be the mum. I also.think lots of women don't want to work full time and would like to spend more time with their young.childten. However this is most definitely not a popular opinion. I am glad I stayed at home when my kids were little. It has affected my career and earning potential, but we chose to have kids and I felt it was my responsibility to bring them up. It has been worth the sacrifice for my kids but not my employer prospects. Don't regret it.

We'd all like to do lots of things though, wouldn't we?

As I said above, very few people are lucky enough to actually enjoy going to work but needs must.

If you choose to have children, then it's up to you to finance that choice. Either you accept that you have to go back to work or you make financial sacrifices. That's life.

But it is a choice...if someone chooses to have a child knowing they will have to return to work to afford their chosen life style that's a life choice they have deliberately made.

If unexpected circumstances occur and their situation changes drastically where they are forced back to work then yes that's very sad but I truly believe this is absolutely the exception not the norm.
I find your generalised"feeling sorry" for women, who don't want to go back to work but have to, quite patronising.