To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

But they are unemployed. In that they’re not employed.

That’s not offensive, it’s true.

Well put vegan

Which just shows how skewed capitalism is. I have come across women being described as unemployed when they have 3 children under 5 - the mind boggles and it would not be worth going out to work for those women, the wage would be swallowed by childcare! So it's really about getting children into nursery/child care so someone can make a profit, and making everyone pay tax even though for some mothers that is not a viable option but a pointless one.

If we're doing wishes, I wish a woman's wage was enough to support her family. Oh and that the parent that didn't live with the kid/s was made to pay, and made to pay an amount that actually paid for their children's upbringing.

That's good for you, dear, provided and unlikely it's true, you'll find the reality of others is usually different.

So new mothers should give up their careers - no way!

We have joint accounts and access to all money in those accounts. I keep a separate savings account of my own, as does he. His is extra money for his son’s future, above what we both contribute to that, mine is my “rainy day/emergency” pot.

I actually used a similar pot to leave my ex husband. Back up plan money.

I earn approx 20k more than my partner, so on paper more of the money in those joint accounts actually came from my income. I could take it back out tomorrow and live on it. It does merge into one and become ours, but if I ever needed to make it just mine, I absolutely could.

My issue with financial dependence is that if all of the money you have came from someone else, they can quite easily take it away. It’s a gamble I would never, ever take.

Wickwood yes you may do but once you are no longer meeting the requirements and are got rid off half his money is only going to get you that far. Try and get a decent job after 5 or 10 year of being a sahm.
How can a grown woman be happy being treated as a dependant?
Almost everyone I met was exactly like that before the kids, typically lazyish folk who never wanted to work or study much even before the kids.
Also such relationships where women either don't work or work part time aren't equal, dad is rarely fully involved and it's really bad for the child and their development to have mum essentially solo parenting with dad turning up for the fun bits.
Boring convo again and again...

Wickwood yes you may do but once you are no longer meeting the requirements and are got rid off half his money is only going to get you that far. Try and get a decent job after 5 or 10 year of being a sahm.
How can a grown woman be happy being treated as a dependant?
Almost everyone I met was exactly like that before the kids, typically lazyish folk who never wanted to work or study much even before the kids.
Also such relationships where women either don't work or work part time aren't equal, dad is rarely fully involved and it's really bad for the child and their development to have mum essentially solo parenting with dad turning up for the fun bits.
Boring convo again and again...

Those who talk about financial independence/dependence, do you not have joint accounts and/or equal access to all household money? I'm genuinely asking, not being arsey. We share all money, maybe thats why I've felt more comfortable being a SAHM! It was very much a joint decision for us and he appreciates everything I do and vice versa.

OP don't be ignorant. Women always worked. Often brought kids to work with them. Often kids worked from a young age themselves.

If you were affluent, middle or upper class, you had a nursemaid raise your kid and you sent the kid away from a very young age too.

Then, later, in your utopia of the 50s, kids were minded by siblings and sent to play out most of the free time while mum cleaned and cooked the whole day.

There have always been lazy people, women or men too, who'd rather not work and live off someone else, but let not pretend about motivations of some.

Yes it's easier to be rich having independent means and never having to work but the reality of sahm isnt that in 99% of the time. You are at his disposal.

We can 'quibble' eh?

In other words, you simply attributed views to me which I never actually expressed.

If a woman wants to make herself and her children entirely dependent on a man, that's up to her. I think it's unwise, but I'm not telling anyone else what to do.

And wanting to maintain financial independence, contribute to the family finances and maybe even make use of your education and enjoy adult company, is hardly 'soul-destroying'. This isn't the 1950s.

Personally, I wouldn’t support my tax being spent on that.

Looking after your own children isn’t a job, at best it’s a vocation. That you should fund yourself.

It wouldn’t be my choice, but if you can afford it - knock yourself out. Those of us who do work around our children shouldn’t have to pay for it.

I’d rather subsidise childcare so it at least went back into the economy from working parents and the childcare staff.

It makes the most economic sense.

Ok, you can quibble on whether you used the word “insist”, but you are clearly strongly advocating that a woman shouldn’t spend time as a stay-at-home mother, and focus on money and career.

Its this soul-destroying type of feminism that so many women are rejecting.

Women do have the choice whether to turn to work. But in making that choice, they have to prepare for the consequences of it.

If you want to be a SAHP, you need to make sure it’s affordable. If it isn’t, and you don’t take steps to make it affordable, you’ll have to go to work.

Unless the argument is that we should pay people at state level to be SAHP, because - no.

I can’t imagine ever being sad to have my financial independence, my pension and my career! So many women are so screwed by staying home.

The fact that believing it’s wrong to even have the desire that women should at least have a choice over whether they become a stay-at-home mother for a while, or go back to work straight away, is a fundamentally anti-woman position.

That’s why I used the term “wage-slave”… because the poster was advocating that there shouldn’t be a choice to live a life focussing on caring for her child - as a slave doesn’t have a choice - and that even desiring the choice was to be in thrall to men!

But it's better than being forced to give up work due to societal pressure, as many women were in our parents' and grandparents' generations. Isn't it.

We are very lucky to have the choice nowadays. Please don't wish it away.

Or a bit like me complaining that I don't get paid for cleaning my own house, when a professional cleaner would be.

This.

A bit like men who say they’re babysitting their own kids. They’re yours. You’re not a childcare provider.

You’re not, insist a woman should go back to work straight away irrespective of her wishes.

Can you show me exactly where I did this? I don't remember it at all.

And as for the financial risks of a woman by being a stay-at-home mum, if she’s married, she should be protected by divorce laws,

That won't protect her if her husband loses his job or becomes incapable of working through illness.

Making yourself and your children financially independent on one person is a very precarious way to live your life.

I was an SAHP till mine were settled in primary and it was bloody brilliant. I'm always intrigued by the "Oh but I'd find it boring" people. I was out & about all the time with the DC in toe & met lots of new people. Work's pretty boring in comparison 😂

and the fact it's their own children, they aren't providing childcare.

I’m advocating choice… You’re not, insist a woman should go back to work straight away irrespective of her wishes.

And as for the financial risks of a woman by being a stay-at-home mum, if she’s married, she should be protected by divorce laws, and if they don’t have enough teeth to protect women from
men paying maintenance, then our focus should be on that, not perpetuating a system that requires young mothers to work irrespective of their wishes.