Page 15 | To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

JTT95 · 2025-09-14T09:21:56+00:00

I think it is messed up that these days a lot of women have to go back to work after maternity leave whether they like it or not. It seems like everyone is sending their babies to nursery at 1 or even earlier. I know that some women want to and are happy to go back but there are many women who are heartbroken to leave their babies so young. I wish it was like the olden days where a man’s wage was enough to suport the whole family.

Original poster

JTT95 · 15/09/2025 17:56

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 17:18

There's a real sense of entitlement from some here.

I suspect in many cases these women simply don't want to work, and the 'heartbreak' over leaving the children is just an excuse.

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If you are implying those people are lazy, they will soon be running back to work. Looking after small children full time (especially multiple) is not for the faint-hearted.

OP posts:

menopausalmare · 15/09/2025 17:56

The only person you should rely on is yourself. All women should have paid employment and a decent pension waiting for them.

Bluelilacbella · 15/09/2025 17:54

@SouthLondonMum22 You are employed by an employer who pays you a salary.
Those parents who are not in paid employment can still be working at home and they are not unemployed (as that definition implies that they are actively looking for paid work)!

Who cares if you’re ‘employed’ or not. What matters is what you’re contributing to your family or society.

Original poster

JTT95 · 15/09/2025 17:54

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:37

How would you be unemployed if you have 3 children under 3? That's a full-time job.

My point was that we undervalue/do not value the work women do in the home rearing children and (I don't know if you have a DP, but bear with me) providing the infrastructure that keeps the workforce working. Child bearing, breastfeeding, child rearing, keeping a home running all contribute to the GDP but we don't count them - and it's a) about time we did and b) necessary (along with accommodating women's biology in the economic sphere so that training, qualifications etc can be fitted round childbearing when required) for the full equality of women.

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True, apparently we have a big problem with falling birth rates in this country too and I think if more people could manage to stay at home with kids then more would have babies. Having children and then working full time just to hand them to over to someone else when young is not appealing to many. The childcare subsidies are so generous now (and the earning threshold is so low) that I think it wouldn’t actually cost more to support parents to look after their own kids. I don’t really understand why there is childcare funding from 9 months either instead of having the extra 3 months of Mat leave paid.

OP posts:

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/09/2025 17:54

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:49

You don't consider bringing up children and running a house work, then? Work is only paid work. And you have a career - most working women do not. Perhaps you do not realise the input women's unpaid work (not employment according to you) puts into the economy and keeps it running - it's a considerable chunk of the economy? You might like to read 'Invisible Women' by Caroline Creado Perez - it's enlightening.

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Not to the extent of saying I'm employed to look after my own children, cook my own food and clean my own house, no.

I also still bring up my DC, I just work too.

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:49

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/09/2025 17:47

The same way I wouldn't be employed because I clean my own house or cook my own food?

I'm employed because I have a career, not because I have children.

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You don't consider bringing up children and running a house work, then? Work is only paid work. And you have a career - most working women do not. Perhaps you do not realise the input women's unpaid work (not employment according to you) puts into the economy and keeps it running - it's a considerable chunk of the economy? You might like to read 'Invisible Women' by Caroline Creado Perez - it's enlightening.

NoSoupForU · 15/09/2025 17:48

Jesus fucking christ.

Nobody is forcing anyone to do anything. People are making decisions based on their circumstances and their needs.

My husband earns enough to support us but I actually like being my own person and having a purpose that extends beyond my own home. And I earn more than him.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/09/2025 17:47

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:37

How would you be unemployed if you have 3 children under 3? That's a full-time job.

My point was that we undervalue/do not value the work women do in the home rearing children and (I don't know if you have a DP, but bear with me) providing the infrastructure that keeps the workforce working. Child bearing, breastfeeding, child rearing, keeping a home running all contribute to the GDP but we don't count them - and it's a) about time we did and b) necessary (along with accommodating women's biology in the economic sphere so that training, qualifications etc can be fitted round childbearing when required) for the full equality of women.

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The same way I wouldn't be employed because I clean my own house or cook my own food?

I'm employed because I have a career, not because I have children.

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:46

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 16:00

Yes, and until quite recently the women who could afford not to work paid other women to take care of their children. They certainly weren't spending all day nurturing their children. Motherhood as a full time 'job' is a relatively modern phenomenon.

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Indeed, it's a privilege we were lucky to have and we have thrown it away. The economy is for the people, not the other way round, and women doing the things they do (and have always done even when working at the mill and on the farm) contribute much to the economy and it is not acknowledged.
Not every woman who goes out to work has a fulfilling job - unless you think stacking shelves in a supermarke is fulfilling. But the world is organised around those women who have good, well-paid, fulfilling jobs, leaving everyone else to cope with running a home, looking after children and doing a full-time job with no help whatsoever - but an imperative to get themselves into the workforce and provide an income for people running private nurseries (that pay other women a low wage to look after our children). God forbid we should value bringing up children to be happy and well-adjusted citizens - there is no profit in that!

Bluelilacbella · 15/09/2025 17:44

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:37

How would you be unemployed if you have 3 children under 3? That's a full-time job.

My point was that we undervalue/do not value the work women do in the home rearing children and (I don't know if you have a DP, but bear with me) providing the infrastructure that keeps the workforce working. Child bearing, breastfeeding, child rearing, keeping a home running all contribute to the GDP but we don't count them - and it's a) about time we did and b) necessary (along with accommodating women's biology in the economic sphere so that training, qualifications etc can be fitted round childbearing when required) for the full equality of women.

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A person is only unemployed if they are actively looking for paid work.

Also agree that looking after 3 young children IS a hard job, it just happens not to be paid by an employer.

Bluelilacbella · 15/09/2025 17:40

Thechaseison71 · 15/09/2025 16:53

Wonder what happens if you have a baby agreeing with husband that you will return to work after. Then " change your mind" and want to be a SAHM

Is it reasonable to make that decision by yourself and put the other parent in a position to have to finance the whole family when they never agreed to that in the fuest place

I'd be mighty peed off if someone moved the goalpost on such a big thing

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You have a very sad view of a partnership…. In a loving and supportive relationship, both parents make a decision that works for BOTH partners.
If one partner earns enough, then both of them can benefit from one of them staying at home and taking care of all the home and childcare jobs while the other focuses on their career

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:40

WickWood · 15/09/2025 08:37

Yes, I have a 10 year NHS pension (which i know won't be much) and a private pension. I think i just see the privilege (imo, we're all different and I know some wouldn't be fulfilled being a SAHM) worth it, I haven't once panicked about what id do, maybe I'm stupid, who knows!

I do think the poster who says its bad for my babies development for me to not be working bonkers though 😅 Unless theyre so thick they think SAHM literally means we stay at home all day!

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I agree with you! Of course your DC are better off with your input and your socialising of them. Some people are pretty weird!
Glad you have your pensions sorted!

Grammarnut · 15/09/2025 17:37

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/09/2025 22:24

I have 3 children under 3 and work full time. If I wasn't employed then I'd be unemployed, I don't see what's so mind boggling about that.

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How would you be unemployed if you have 3 children under 3? That's a full-time job.

My point was that we undervalue/do not value the work women do in the home rearing children and (I don't know if you have a DP, but bear with me) providing the infrastructure that keeps the workforce working. Child bearing, breastfeeding, child rearing, keeping a home running all contribute to the GDP but we don't count them - and it's a) about time we did and b) necessary (along with accommodating women's biology in the economic sphere so that training, qualifications etc can be fitted round childbearing when required) for the full equality of women.

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 17:18

BluePeril · 15/09/2025 17:14

Absolutely. You should be even more serious about work, if anything. You’re not just supporting yourself any more. Children are expensive.

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There's a real sense of entitlement from some here.

I suspect in many cases these women simply don't want to work, and the 'heartbreak' over leaving the children is just an excuse.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/09/2025 17:16

WickWood · 15/09/2025 17:06

Sorry, I was meaning a few specific posters who were saying that some women love their careers, financial independence etc, then of course its fab that they go back to work when they choose to. Of course not everyone goes back to work because they love it, the point of the thread is that its unfair that some women are effectively forced to go back to work, even when they dont want to, because of money.

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Why does it only apply to women?

MiserableMrsMopp · 15/09/2025 17:15

Dunno which olden days you're referring to @JTT95 but I'm 60 and my mum worked as well as dad.

When was this mythical time?

BluePeril · 15/09/2025 17:14

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 17:12

Sorry, why the hell is that 'unfair'?

Having children is very expensive. If you choose to have them, then you have to pay for them. If both parents have to work, so be it. Reproducing doesn't give you special rights.

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Absolutely. You should be even more serious about work, if anything. You’re not just supporting yourself any more. Children are expensive.

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 17:12

WickWood · 15/09/2025 17:06

Sorry, I was meaning a few specific posters who were saying that some women love their careers, financial independence etc, then of course its fab that they go back to work when they choose to. Of course not everyone goes back to work because they love it, the point of the thread is that its unfair that some women are effectively forced to go back to work, even when they dont want to, because of money.

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Sorry, why the hell is that 'unfair'?

Having children is very expensive. If you choose to have them, then you have to pay for them. If both parents have to work, so be it. Reproducing doesn't give you special rights.

BluePeril · 15/09/2025 17:11

WickWood · 15/09/2025 17:06

Sorry, I was meaning a few specific posters who were saying that some women love their careers, financial independence etc, then of course its fab that they go back to work when they choose to. Of course not everyone goes back to work because they love it, the point of the thread is that its unfair that some women are effectively forced to go back to work, even when they dont want to, because of money.

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The requirement to keep a roof over your head doesn’t suddenly become optional when you give birth, you know.

WickWood · 15/09/2025 17:06

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 16:46

I don't think people are missing the point.

Most of us don't exactly love going to work, but we do it because we need to pay the bills and nobody is going to pay them for us. Parents of young children aren't exceptional in that respect.

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Sorry, I was meaning a few specific posters who were saying that some women love their careers, financial independence etc, then of course its fab that they go back to work when they choose to. Of course not everyone goes back to work because they love it, the point of the thread is that its unfair that some women are effectively forced to go back to work, even when they dont want to, because of money.

Thechaseison71 · 15/09/2025 17:06

JTT95 · 15/09/2025 17:04

I don’t know, my husband is very supportive of our set up. I think it would be good if people discussed those things before having kids (or even before getting married).

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I was talking about those who DID discuss and agree then one person changes their mind

ObelixtheGaul · 15/09/2025 17:04

ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyour · 15/09/2025 14:06

I think you're missing the point or perhaps taking it too personally. The point is that 99% of women don't have the choice of whether to work or not. They HAVE to work because they can't afford not to due to house/rent prices and the massive cost of everything else. This is not the same as saying that there are no benefits to work and it's also not saying that women have to stay at home if they don't want to. It's just that for a decent proportion of women (and probably some men too) they would like to be able to spend a bit more time with their children through not working or working part time but that is financially impossible. And for those women it really is heartbreaking to have to pay another woman to look after your children when you woudl rather be the one doing it.

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But again, that's life. I'd rather not be working. I'd rather be doing other stuff. But I've got bills to pay. I could choose not to work, but since that choice might lead to me living in a cardboard box under the railway arches, I work.

Sure, it's heartbreaking for some to leave their children with someone else. It's also heartbreaking to not be able to afford stuff for them. So you make the choice.

Original poster

JTT95 · 15/09/2025 17:04

Thechaseison71 · 15/09/2025 16:53

Wonder what happens if you have a baby agreeing with husband that you will return to work after. Then " change your mind" and want to be a SAHM

Is it reasonable to make that decision by yourself and put the other parent in a position to have to finance the whole family when they never agreed to that in the fuest place

I'd be mighty peed off if someone moved the goalpost on such a big thing

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I don’t know, my husband is very supportive of our set up. I think it would be good if people discussed those things before having kids (or even before getting married).

OP posts:

IcedPurple · 15/09/2025 16:56

JTT95 · 15/09/2025 16:52

No not for me but what made me start this thread is a conversation I had with some local women currently on Mat leave or recently back at work who said they would love to be in my position and are sad about putting their babies in childcare.

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I'd love to be in the position where I didn't have to work for a living too, but I wouldn't expect anyone else to consider it their problem.

Thechaseison71 · 15/09/2025 16:53

JTT95 · 15/09/2025 16:37

I have, I’m a SAHM at the moment. I do agree that more people would be able to afford not to work had they planned better but sometimes you don’t actually realise you want to be a SAHM until you have kids (as was the case with me).

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Wonder what happens if you have a baby agreeing with husband that you will return to work after. Then " change your mind" and want to be a SAHM

Is it reasonable to make that decision by yourself and put the other parent in a position to have to finance the whole family when they never agreed to that in the fuest place

I'd be mighty peed off if someone moved the goalpost on such a big thing