To not get up when my DSD wakes up?

You should get up every morning she is with you Op, every single morning. You are a family now.

At 6 nobody needs to be getting up immediately unless they can't be trusted not to unlock the doors/turn on the hob etc.

We used to take it in turns when the kids were smaller and from about 5 we would stay in bed from the time they woke up (6-7am) and then get up at a more reasonable time (8-9am) I always had one ear open because once they were awake so was I. It's only recently now they are 8 and 10 that I've been able to snooze although they are now getting up later anyway.

Unless there are plans for everybody to go out as a family there is no need for everybody in the house to be up at the same time.

I would tell him that you absolutely do not want to be with DSD at 6am. That you'd prefer to be asleep in bed like any normal person, but love being with her from 9am onwards.

Tbh, I don't see why anyone is getting up with a 6yo. Put some food out for her, show her how to pour herself some milk and work the TV remote to get cartoons on and leave her to it. Maybe a nice blanket for the sofa and a few special toys for early mornings at Dad's. And then her dad can doze and keep an ear out.

No you don’t need to get up. He’s been lazy, she is his child! And considering he only has her a limited time in the week I would’ve thought he’d want to make the most of it. While she may like you, I’m sure she wants to be with him whatever he might tell you to lay on the guilt. And even if she was the child of both of you, you don’t both have to get up early. You have a tough job and he needs to grow up a bit.

I think it really depends on how you see your DSD and your family unit. How’s your relationship with her? When you have children together will you all be getting up together as a family?

If DSD is with you every weekend, and in the week I’m sure you’re very close and she sees you as a parental figure in her life. When you do have children with your husband, if you were going to get up, I’d probably make an effort with DSD.

I also love my sleep, so completely sympathise with wanting to lie in btw!

Please listen to these replies and think very carefully before you have a family with this man.

He probably wants you to be with her to let him do more of his own thing. That’s how most men operate.

Now there are a lot of assumptions in your thread.

If the little girl is there every weekend and he does all mornings I don’t think it’s surprising he’d like a lie in or a hand.

You have no idea if he’d expect OP to do every weekend. Maybe he would just like a lie in.

This is a little girl who has been in OP’s life for 3 years. I don’t understand the point in having a long-term relationship with someone with children if you’re not going to muck in.

I know two step parents who ‘kept their distance’. After some years of separate relationships and responsibilities (as advocated on this thread) the children’s mothers died, children went to live with the respective families and it was a shit show because there was no foundation to the relationship.

I don’t get up with my own child all the time, we take turns on the weekend so one of us can lie in. On the weekend days my SC has their sport, my husband doesn’t get a lie in at all as football/rugby starts early and I’m up with our toddler. I take my lie in as usual the next day. My husband has not once tried to take that lie in because as much as I love SC, I’m not the parent! He WANTS to go and do something with his son, enjoys watching him play his matches and enjoys his little morning with our toddler.

This guy will have you doing everything when you have a baby together.

This isn’t the normal reality of a family.

Do you think couples who share biological children together spend every waking second together?

No they don’t it’s just not realistic. Normal couples with joint children take it in turns to get up with the kids and let the other lie in.

They do activities as a family as a whole and also have times where mum takes them solo and dad does too.

Your partner is using his child as emotional blackmail because he doesn’t want to be responsible for parenting her solo. End of.

I would be having some clear and direct conversations about his behaviour because if this is how he acts now it will only get worse when you have a joint child.

Sounds like a great guy!

This. Set boundaries now op, or it will only get worse if you have a child together. This child, lovely though she may be, is not yours to parent or get up for. He only sees her part of the week FFS.

This ‘family time’ rhetoric is toxic imo. My ex did it to our son when DS just desperately wanted quality time with his father. I would very seriously nip this in the bud. He should be able to have some magical moments with his child without you being there, tired or not. Some time together for sure but lots and lots of 1-2-1 time with daddy too.

This. He’s a lazy man who doesn’t want to parent alone. I’d be reconsidering breeding with this man.

But, if you are awake anyway, then why not get up and make it more fun for him? If your parents came to stay, would you expect him to get out of bed and be sociable?

Why on earth should she get up early on a Sunday when she doesn't have to?

Also, if my parents were visiting I would in no way expect DH to get up and socialise

Don’t dismiss this. He is already showing you who he is. He may couch it in terms of “ family time”. I would put money on him really thinking it’s women’s work albeit subconsciously. Think very carefully.

Yanbu. Even if she was both your child, lots of couples alternate lie ins

And in any case, 6 is old enough to tell the time or use a grow clock and be told you can go down and watch TV or play quietly in your room and don't come and wake us up til 7.30 or whatever

This! His attitude will only get worse unless you sort it now. He’s showing you the type of nan he is Op (selfish, expecting you to do what he wants, guilting you, manipulating you etc) so you should believe him.

I think this needs to be discussed in advance. I get up with the kids on Saturday and DH gets up with them on a Sunday. We each still get up at 8 so there’s loads of time to do stuff in the day. Perhaps just talk through what both your expectations are on lie ins now, and in the future with possible further DCs. A good opener to who does what and sharing the workload equally, not just the sleep.

This is BS.

Driving a partner to an early morning sports event is very different to getting up at the same time as them because they have their child over and they have to look after them.

im sure the OP is spending time with them during the day and making an effort. Why should she have to jump up at the crack of dawn to play Mary Poppins when she doesn’t have a child. She works full time, doesn’t have children and is rightfully entitled to have a lie in on her days off.

This man doesn’t have his child 100% of the time. He’s more than capable of waking up early a few days a week to care for his own child.

and yes I’m sure if OP’s parents came to stay she’d be the one getting up to host them because they’re her parents not his.

You should probably also think carefully about why his first marriage broke up when his child was very young, before having one.

The mother probably got fed up with his lazy arse approach to parenting and kicked him out.

He is being unreasonable. I have 3 kids and I work Saturdays so dh is up with them whilst I'm getting ready for work. On a Sunday we take turns. There is absolutely no need for you both to be up. At 6 quite frankly she is old enough to know that she can play with you later.

No she needs time on her own with her dad

His kid, he gets up.

If the roles were reversed, I can guarantee he wouldn't be getting up.

He (and you) should definitely have a think about "wifework" and assumptions before having your own.