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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I stop what I’m doing to rescue him?

107 replies

Typicalwave · 14/09/2025 08:50

My partner has gone out without his keys again and is knocking on the door. He does this every time he takes our dog gif a walk. We have a spare key in a lock box. He refuses to yse it. He thinks I should stop what I’m doing and find and let him in each time. He thinks im lazy and unreasonable to expect a man in his 50’s to take his keys or use the spare key tgat we have for incidents such as this.

AIBU to tell him to take his keys/use the spare?

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 14/09/2025 09:40

Zumba fitness classes at home could be your friend. Get a Zumba DVD [2015], turn the music right up. You won't hear him knocking... you won't hear him screaming... while you dance your tits off! Let's get this party started!

Leopardspota · 14/09/2025 09:39

I never take my keys. Husband just opens the door for me …. I’m not sure what the issue is.

AgnesX · 14/09/2025 09:38

Typicalwave · 14/09/2025 09:14

No. He remembers his keys/uses the lock box I’m not in and he takes the dog for a walk. It’s only if I’m in.
He just stood continuously knocking for over 5 minutes..

He does this kind of thing with everything. To prove a point - that his way is the correct way and I’m in the wrong.

Show quote history

I'd be knocking that on the head very quickly (see what I did.. ). Let him knock for another 5 minutes.

What other delightful little habits does he have, I'd lay odds there's a few.

InterestedDad37 · 14/09/2025 09:34

Can you time a locksmith to coincide with the next dog walk?

Laundrywitch · 14/09/2025 09:24

If I wasn’t working I would just open the door. Wouldn’t think twice about it. If I was working I would leave him to work it out.

AutumnFroglets · 14/09/2025 09:23

It is controlling manipulative behaviour by an abusive man. I bet my last penny he does other abusive things that you have ignored over the years due to it gradually becoming worse.

You cannot change him so you can only change your reactions to his controlling behaviour. Either grey rock or leave as anything else feeds into this abusive dynamic.

Do you want to leave? Do you know how to grey rock?

thisfilmisboring123 · 14/09/2025 09:22

Has he told you the reason why he won’t take them?

My husband hates the feeling of things in his pocket so doesn’t take his but I’ve never thought of answering the door as an issue tbh.

AcquadiP · 14/09/2025 09:22

What would he do if he lived on his own, leave the door unlocked? He's an adult, surely he can manage to look after a key for an hour or so. If not, he's pathetic.

TaborlinTheGreat · 14/09/2025 09:18

Typicalwave · 14/09/2025 09:14

No. He remembers his keys/uses the lock box I’m not in and he takes the dog for a walk. It’s only if I’m in.
He just stood continuously knocking for over 5 minutes..

He does this kind of thing with everything. To prove a point - that his way is the correct way and I’m in the wrong.

Show quote history

And you are still with him why?

Slightyamusedandsilly · 14/09/2025 09:17

Everytime he does it, go out somewhere. Even just take the car and drive to the local garage/supermarket car park. Invent an excuse.

Do it on repeat. OR even better. Walk there (but make sure YOU take your key).

It'll retrain him. Treat him like a dog. On repeat.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 14/09/2025 09:17

Make today the last time, know your worth and leave this controlling manchild.

herbetta · 14/09/2025 09:17

What happens when you do the same?

toomuchfaff · 14/09/2025 09:16

go get in the bath, nice long soak, or nip out the back door, couldn't hear you in the garden.

Dont put up with the BS, He does this kind of thing with everything. To prove a point - that his way is the correct way and I’m in the wrong.

That would drive me up the wall quickly.

Mylovelygreendress · 14/09/2025 09:16

Good grief @Typicalwave , do you actually want to live with someone like that ? He is controlling you .

Zigazigarrr · 14/09/2025 09:15

Next time he takes the dog out go out yourself.

Original poster
Typicalwave · 14/09/2025 09:14

Tigerthatcameforbrunch · 14/09/2025 09:10

Just be aware he's the sort who would use the lock box key, put it in his pocket and forget about it. Then you're back to square one

No. He remembers his keys/uses the lock box I’m not in and he takes the dog for a walk. It’s only if I’m in.
He just stood continuously knocking for over 5 minutes..

He does this kind of thing with everything. To prove a point - that his way is the correct way and I’m in the wrong.

OP posts:
Shortdaysalready · 14/09/2025 09:13

Petrolitis · 14/09/2025 09:09

He's not taking his key on purpose.

He could use the lock box if it was just a case of forgetting.

It's a form of control to let OP know she must do his bidding.

Show quote history

Sorry I've just reread the OP and didn't really pick on the fact it's deliberate.

If he is refusing to take a key and behave like a reasonable adult but actually prefers to inconvenience OP then I would question what the point of the relationship is.
Why be in a relationship with someone whose go to position is to make your life difficult and deliberately annoy and upset you?

Tigerthatcameforbrunch · 14/09/2025 09:10

Just be aware he's the sort who would use the lock box key, put it in his pocket and forget about it. Then you're back to square one

Petrolitis · 14/09/2025 09:09

Shortdaysalready · 14/09/2025 09:06

I find the lack of communication really weird.
My normal enactment of the situation would be your partner saying" I'm just taking the dog out". And you saying " don't forget your key then".
I know he is an adult and shouldn't need reminding but if that's what it takes then surely it's easy enough to do and better than having him knocking on the door when you are busy.

He's not taking his key on purpose.

He could use the lock box if it was just a case of forgetting.

It's a form of control to let OP know she must do his bidding.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 14/09/2025 09:09

How big is your house op? 😂

HerewardtheSleepy · 14/09/2025 09:08

Why won't he use the lock box key??

Frankly, I'd open the door for the dog and then shut him out after it's come it.

Shortdaysalready · 14/09/2025 09:06

I find the lack of communication really weird.
My normal enactment of the situation would be your partner saying" I'm just taking the dog out". And you saying " don't forget your key then".
I know he is an adult and shouldn't need reminding but if that's what it takes then surely it's easy enough to do and better than having him knocking on the door when you are busy.

cantpullthetrigger · 14/09/2025 09:06

He’s telling you his time is more important than yours. An embedded male trait of entitlement.

Nip it in the bud and do not give in.

Onelifeonly · 14/09/2025 08:58

I'd go out a few minutes after he has left and stay out till after you know he'll be back. That way you can't be guilted into opening the door or annoyed by the bell ringing.

Repeat till he gets it.

Actions speak louder than words. But at his age, they shouldn't have to. I feel like we are talking about a teenager.

BMW6 · 14/09/2025 08:57

Selective deafness or be busy elsewhere. He can stay there all day if he chooses not to use the spare key!

I feel sorry for the dog though.

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