Children start school at 5, oh no they don't

I think it’s right what you say but every child is individual. My DS is 39 months and started a school nursery this September (the term after he turns 3). I selected it because it has excellent wrap around care for the whole school 8-5:30 and a lot of other pluses. It is a small local school. His class is half nursery and half reception shared. He only potty trained properly in the last few weeks of August (it was a tough process with him really). He is in nursery at the school now for four full days. He is really loving it.

I thought of holding him back at one point and not starting until he was older because he is younger in the school year but he is really thriving. It’s the first experience he has had of formal childcare and he loves it.

It is a really good system that people can pick what best suits their child and their own circumstances. Real school and learning doesn’t start until they are older ie 5. You can only pick what’s best for your circumstances and child.

My Mum decided to wait until I was five.

It was great in terms of learning but horrific in terms of admin. I ended up in Reception then totally missed out Y3 when they decided to adjust the year groups to Sept-Aug.

Ironically mine couldn't start school in September and had to wait until January. Ended up missing a term of schooling basically. I ended up teaching them to read etc but the kids in Reception from Sept knew each other and had their routines.

Do what is best for your babe. Nursery will have its funding disregarding your choice.

One thing is don’t hold him up because you think he is still soooo young…he will adapt quickly. You could do part time nursery part time school? If possible with both…

OP - a few friends of mine made a point of moving from nursery at the end of the school year in July and using a childminder instead over that summer, it meant that by the time September arrived, their dc was already used to the childminders house/routine.

My mum used to tell everybody that commented on how small I was that I had an aunty that had to take apart a pinafore that was pleated on the bottom and bring it in and then repleat it and bring in the top and then join them back together. She was doing this with any of my school skirts until I was 7/8 as I really was tiny that even the smallest sizes swamped me

You'd be surprised, a lot can change in a year at this age and he may well seem more ready next September than you expect.

It is always tricky when they start school working out childcare and work hours, so when looking for a school definitely find out about the wraparound options there. I am in an area where we are in the catchment for 5 different primary schools but wraparound care was high on my list of qualities I needed from the school.

Often if you hold children back a year, they have to start in year 1 and going from nursery straight to year 1 I think would be very difficult. Reception to yr1 was a harder transition for my DD than nursery to reception. She also potty trained late at nearly 3.5 and is may born but thrived at school in reception.

It’s the kids that don’t go to nursery that are the ones that have trouble settling in usually…the worry and problems overall tend to come from the parents.

i have found it’s common there for one or both parents to stay at home or work flexibly. There are after school clubs and Nannies but it’s not as common as over here.

Similar in Finland. My 1st grade finishes at 12 every day, except Tuesdays when he finishes at 1. The days will get longer during primary but even in the last year there can be days they finish at 12 or 1 as some days are longer and others shorter. 1st and 2nd graders can go to afterschool club but after that they're on their own unless there's local grandparents or out of school clubs they can go to but they'll have to make their own way to the clubs.

I have one who had their birthday at the beginning of September and another at the end of August. I will say of the two my August born was much more ready for school than my stepember born, but I do understand that it can be really hard on kids who are young in the year:

Sounds a nightmare. Was bad enough the few weeks ds was on half days when starting reception. My lunchbreak involved collecting him from school at 12 and driving him the 5 miles to nursery for afternoon session until 5,30. Luckily nursery saved him a lunch

It's having the opportunity to defer based on each individual child that helps. My son's best friend is a full year younger than him, genuinely almost a foot shorter and they operate on almost exactly the same wavelength. Been best friends since they were 2 and 3 at nursery.

When I took my son to his settling in sessions at 5 he hid behind my legs and required a lot of encouragement to join in, while my 2 yr old daughter walked up to the teacher and said 'scuse me, can I do the colouring sheets?' and sat herself down with crayons. Is be quite happy sending her now at 4, wouldn't matter a jot if the other kids were a year older. But in Scotland she gets the extra time as cut off is February. She definitely benefits too from the extra nursery year so I think it's better having a later start for all and referral available.

If you're lucky to their grannies, if not then to a cobbled together mash up of childminders or after school clubs. It's a terrible system where being a working mother feels almost impossible. P1 and P2 finish at 2pm and nursery finishes at 12. So my sister collects a child at 12, another at 2 and another at 3 on her days off. On the days she works eldest goes to after school, middle to grandad because he's got additional support needs and youngest is picked up by a childminder.

We're in Scotland where cut off is they have to be 4 before the end of the February before they start P1. But also past few years any child who isn't 5 by the first day of P1 can defer and gets the extra year of nursery funded. We deferred my Feb born son and it was brilliant for him. He was school ready as in toilet trained from 2, could do his own jacket change his clothes, articulate, social, very academically able but he physically couldn't sit down and emotionally really struggled with change etc. so we deferred. He's now on referral pathways for autism and ADHD. Which is definitely appropriate although unsure if it'll lead to diagnosis or which type as they're always changing and there's so much overlap but basically he's much more in line with the kids 6-12 months younger than he would have been with those 6-12 months older.

My daughter is July born so turned 4 this year and will be 5 before starting, if I'm being honest I wouldn't have a moments concern about sending her to school. She loves books, letters, very self sufficient in self care type tasks, confident with her peers and manages her emotions really well, can hold back an upset to tell me about later in the day and problem solved for herself in the moment, can self regulate by taking deep breaths and will happily ask a teacher for help if upset. That said my husband pointed out she's still benefiting from this last year of nursery because she's playing outside, she's got more rest time, nursery staffing levels, more choice of how she spends her time in her day and constant access to a garden to get lots of physical activity every day.

Sorry for long stories but on balance I think sending 4 yr olds to school isn't in most of their best interests. It's a massive effort to get enough physical activity in my son's day to help him regulate, think walking to and from school, park or trampolining or softplay for 2 hours after school and a dog walk before bed. We prioritise movement over homework because he can then engage in school because he's more balanced and his teachers thankfully support that. Kids should be moving more in their day.