Hi all, not even sure what I want posting this but my head is all over. Just got back this morning after being away with DP and the boys (DS3.5 and DS8mo). We only went an hour and a half away, Tuesday to today, just a little break. Came home and the house is absolutely trashed. My little brother who has just turned 18 is living here and honestly I feel like we’re at breaking point.
Bit of backstory. I’m 17 years older than him, I was basically grown when he was little. Our mum had what we now know was Munchausen by proxy with him, but back then everyone thought she was just struggling with a “poorly” child. She convinced doctors he had all sorts, dragged him in and out of hospitals, had schools thinking he was fragile. The only thing real is he’s type 1 diabetic. But even that she sort of used to make herself look like this amazing mum who was coping. He actually missed huge chunks of school from reception onwards, then she de-registered him completely at about 9 “for home ed” but she never taught him a thing. He can barely read now, writing is basically just a few words. All those years she was claiming DLA then later PIP for him.
When he was 17 she kicked him out after a massive row and I had to phone SS because he was still a child legally. They were useless tbh. Came out, spoke to him, said he was nearly 18 so not much they could do. I’ve reported concerns so many times over the years but each time my mum would cut me off and then later pretend nothing had happened. It’s always been me trying to pick up the pieces.
He’s 18 now but he’s like a lost little boy and also an absolute nightmare. He won’t go to therapy, refuses point blank, says everyone is against him. He doesn’t manage his diabetes properly at all, sometimes doesn’t take his insulin, sometimes injects too much, sometimes I have to beg him to let me do it. He drinks loads of monster and eats crap and then crashes. He’s constantly in and out of A&E, I’m waiting for the day I get the call that something awfuls happened.
His behaviour here is just off the scale. He smokes weed in his room, leaves food and dirty dishes everywhere, steals DP’s vape stuff and alcohol. He lies constantly, gets aggressive if you call him out, I’ve found used condoms in the bathroom bin, burnt spoons in his room, god knows what he’s been doing. He goes through my stuff too, I found my bank card hidden in his drawer once, he said he “borrowed” it but there was a £60 Deliveroo order on it.
He’s got no social skills at all, he doesn’t know how to be around people. It’s like he’s been trapped in a bubble his whole life. We just got home today and it’s disgusting. Plates of mouldy food in the living room, carpet ruined, my little one’s toys smashed, DS3.5’s little chair snapped in half. There’s fag burns on the sofa and he’s written on the wall in sharpie. Our bedroom has been gone through, I know because DP had hid some money in the wardrobe and it’s gone. There was actual sick in the sink too, just left there. And he’s also left his bloody needles lying about, which is terrifying with the babies here.
DP is at the end of his tether, says we can’t live like this and he needs to go. But where? He can’t look after himself. He’s still like a child in his head. He doesn’t cook anything other than chips or noodles in the microwave, doesn’t shower unless told, doesn’t wash clothes. He doesn’t understand basic life stuff because mum literally kept him so dependent.
Part of me feels desperately sorry for him, he had no chance with mum, she ruined his education and made him sick in the head about being ill all the time. His dad has never been in his life, mum abused him, so I’m all he really has. I don’t want to just abandon him. He can actually be really good with DS3.5, they’ll sit and play cars together for ages and DS adores him, but then the next minute he’s raging about something stupid and slamming doors and breaking things.
I feel guilty leaving him but I also feel like he’s dangerous to have around my kids. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t be his carer, I’ve got two little boys and a DP who’s at breaking point. But if I kick him out where will he go? He has no job, no friends that aren’t into drugs, he doesn’t even know how to fill a form in. I honestly think he can’t even apply for universal credit without someone sitting with him.
Sorry this is so long and rambly.