Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

I've just seen your updates op. Have you ever listened to parenting hell? There's an episode where Rob beckett discusses how his trip to florida went with young children (so slightly different but overall maybe not) Romesh Ranganathan has recently been with older teens im sure he also discusses it on his podcast the owl and the wolf.
They both sounded utterly drained and exhausted. I'm not sure I'd say it's a holiday more of jam packed high pressured itinerary That you need a good month at least to feel like you've done it justice. Maybe just cut everyone some slack including yourself. Perhaps have the attitude that whatever you get done in the most enjoyable way is a win. Be open and vunerable with them they might surprise you and say yeah it's been different to how we thought it would be we are knackered too. They may well be using phones as some regulation and some down time. I imagine it's a very overstimulating holiday.

I think you're doing the best you can op from your updates.

I took my youngest to Paris for 2 nights last year - her choice. We did a mix of EuroDisney and Paris itself.

i didn’t book any museums - this was a trip tailored purely to her interests. I am a rush around do loads of stuff person on holiday so I specifically avoided this.

she had a lovely time but I realised that she doesn’t want to do a lot of stuff and needs a lot of downtime. We did a few rides at Disney and lots of wandering but she didn’t want to queue for everyone to fit them all in.

Same with Paris itself - we saw the Eiffel Tower and we looked round a few shops and had a nice dinner. That was enough for her.

In my mind I felt we were missing out by not doing more but she was happy.

As a teen the holidays I was more present for was the ones I also got a say in what we did where we went or at least had one day with an activity i liked. I also did need more sleep and chill time. So there had to be compromise.

The holidays I felt actually quite low on were the ones where every last minute was planned by someone else and they had high expectations of how grateful I should be yet never asked me what I wanted to do. I remember one year doing a big extended family holiday being on my very heavy unexpected period and made to feel really bad for not getting up at 7am being ready to go for miles long walks everyday around Devon. Really I needed some understanding that I'd need to be able to rest and be near toilets.

It can be awful for teenagers you're close to being an adult but still treated like a child and absolutely will have moments of being a child. I remember just feeling sad I was on holiday but unable to experience it in the way or with the freedom I wanted.

I wouldn't take their phones away but I would talk to them and ask them what they wanted to do and how they wanted to spend the holiday. If plans don't align do things separately and lower expectations. Take the pressure off. Ofcourse they don't appreciate the time and money but then given the chance would they of spent thousands of their own money going to florida probably not.

I'd perhaps explain this might be the last family holiday all together as they are getting older what memories do you all want to take from it? You are only in charge of your own memories op if that means you have great memories of going out with the youngest in the day and a few memories of later nights with the older ones maybe exploring some night life or something they are interested in,(maybe get them to research a place to eat that does something interesting or gimmicky/eating challenge). I don't think anyone wants memories of banning phones resentment and arguments.

I think it's hard to accept that dissapointment that holidays aren't always what we imagine in out head and we have to just enjoy what we can.

Really, my DD17 loves holidays, not occurred to her not to come. We are going away next year and she’ll be nearly 18, but surprise she’s coming. Not every family has kids that don’t spend time with them.

I'm amazed the two oldest ones wanted to go away with mum and dad, frankly.

They are typical teenagers, they don't want a lot of stuff organised for them and certainly not trips out as a family. They want to stay in bed in the morning and can find their own enjoyment later.

You can go out with the youngest and do the things you planned.

If they don't want to eat dinner with you, let them organise their own food in the evening; no doubt there are plenty of fast food places around and it won't hurt them to eat that sort of thing during a holiday.

If you split up during the day, each doing your own thing, you'll all be a lot happier. You had unrealistic expectations, these are not little kids.

Yes, it's exceptionally fucking boring. Home ed and kids who used to be in school but are now in home ed are both things that exist. If anyone was unfamiliar with either concept at the start of the thread, they've had multiple pages to get their heads round it.

OP why does the 13 year old have such a strong reaction to the elder ones not coming? I wondered from that and the use of meltdown whether she is ND? If so, speaking as an ND parent, that'll be a complicating factor!

Well if he’s an adult, I bet he’s not paying the bill… your bill, your phone.

It might be

They could be pissed off that they are missing the start of school year / colleges and all their friends getting together etc

It could be the timing, if they’ve had all summer with you they may just want to be with their mates now.

Or the heat, how are they normally in the heat?