Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

I took my youngest to Paris for 2 nights last year - her choice. We did a mix of EuroDisney and Paris itself.

i didn’t book any museums - this was a trip tailored purely to her interests. I am a rush around do loads of stuff person on holiday so I specifically avoided this.

she had a lovely time but I realised that she doesn’t want to do a lot of stuff and needs a lot of downtime. We did a few rides at Disney and lots of wandering but she didn’t want to queue for everyone to fit them all in.

Same with Paris itself - we saw the Eiffel Tower and we looked round a few shops and had a nice dinner. That was enough for her.

In my mind I felt we were missing out by not doing more but she was happy.

As a teen the holidays I was more present for was the ones I also got a say in what we did where we went or at least had one day with an activity i liked. I also did need more sleep and chill time. So there had to be compromise.

The holidays I felt actually quite low on were the ones where every last minute was planned by someone else and they had high expectations of how grateful I should be yet never asked me what I wanted to do. I remember one year doing a big extended family holiday being on my very heavy unexpected period and made to feel really bad for not getting up at 7am being ready to go for miles long walks everyday around Devon. Really I needed some understanding that I'd need to be able to rest and be near toilets.

It can be awful for teenagers you're close to being an adult but still treated like a child and absolutely will have moments of being a child. I remember just feeling sad I was on holiday but unable to experience it in the way or with the freedom I wanted.

I wouldn't take their phones away but I would talk to them and ask them what they wanted to do and how they wanted to spend the holiday. If plans don't align do things separately and lower expectations. Take the pressure off. Ofcourse they don't appreciate the time and money but then given the chance would they of spent thousands of their own money going to florida probably not.

I'd perhaps explain this might be the last family holiday all together as they are getting older what memories do you all want to take from it? You are only in charge of your own memories op if that means you have great memories of going out with the youngest in the day and a few memories of later nights with the older ones maybe exploring some night life or something they are interested in,(maybe get them to research a place to eat that does something interesting or gimmicky/eating challenge). I don't think anyone wants memories of banning phones resentment and arguments.

I think it's hard to accept that dissapointment that holidays aren't always what we imagine in out head and we have to just enjoy what we can.

Really, my DD17 loves holidays, not occurred to her not to come. We are going away next year and she’ll be nearly 18, but surprise she’s coming. Not every family has kids that don’t spend time with them.

I'm amazed the two oldest ones wanted to go away with mum and dad, frankly.

They are typical teenagers, they don't want a lot of stuff organised for them and certainly not trips out as a family. They want to stay in bed in the morning and can find their own enjoyment later.

You can go out with the youngest and do the things you planned.

If they don't want to eat dinner with you, let them organise their own food in the evening; no doubt there are plenty of fast food places around and it won't hurt them to eat that sort of thing during a holiday.

If you split up during the day, each doing your own thing, you'll all be a lot happier. You had unrealistic expectations, these are not little kids.

Yes, it's exceptionally fucking boring. Home ed and kids who used to be in school but are now in home ed are both things that exist. If anyone was unfamiliar with either concept at the start of the thread, they've had multiple pages to get their heads round it.

OP why does the 13 year old have such a strong reaction to the elder ones not coming? I wondered from that and the use of meltdown whether she is ND? If so, speaking as an ND parent, that'll be a complicating factor!

It might be

They could be pissed off that they are missing the start of school year / colleges and all their friends getting together etc

Maybe she has withdrawn her.
I don't know.
My point is the thread has essentially been hijacked by "why aren't they at school" which isn't the issue.
It isn't relevant to the OPs problem.

Well if he’s an adult, I bet he’s not paying the bill… your bill, your phone.

It could be the timing, if they’ve had all summer with you they may just want to be with their mates now.

Or the heat, how are they normally in the heat?

Most colleges have started back by now.

It isn’t

Your 13 year old doesn't get to dictate what their older siblings do.

Oh, leave them to it and make the most of the holiday with the youngest one.

If they think they're enjoying themselves messing around on their phones all day, let them.

There'll come a point in the future when they're stuck in the world of work and have limited annual leave and limited funds to spend on a holiday that they'll look back and realise how they wasted this one.

How do you know? This is the only thread showing up on AS.

Through reduced allowances.

And they have to sort their own food, they just seem to expect me to which is annoying!

But how does that translate into you having to sort their food? Surely you simply needed to put your foot down on day 1 and make it clear that they could expect all they wanted, it wasn't going to happen.

Well the op has been all over mumsnet in the past referring to her youngest at school

@WatermelonWaveclub the 13 year old should have their phone on a parent control as they're a child.

Personally as they didnt get up in time for their activity, I'd take all their phones and put them in the safe while they are still asleep in the morning, then wake them up and tell them if theyre not showered and dresssed by 10am the phones will remain in the safe.

The 13 year old should have no choice - they're a child.

As for the expectation of food, then tough shit! If they're genuinely hungry they can sort it out themselves.

Stop being such a push over.

Starting college…. It would have started by now

Which is why I'm asking the question. Home school is outside the "norm" and might impact people's advice.

I don't know any colleges who haven't been back at least last week.

So something's unusual.

Because 16 and 18 year olds don't have to go to school.
The OP said they are starting college and apprenticeships. They haven't started yet.
Have you ever heard of home education? The 13 year old could be doing that.

I am so confused about why none of them are in school.

Is this some crunchy home school no rules situation in which case the advice is different? Or are they all simultaneously school refusers?

Then you have a problem with your youngest child, they cannot dictate what their older siblings do. This def needs to be addressed.

YABU. Let the older teens do what they want, they are more or less adults. After a few days lazing around on phones etc they may want to come with you. I get that it’s frustrating but I would hate to go on holiday with someone who dictates what we do each day. Also, doing the parks in Florida is full on and you definitely need some down time.

I have quite a few teens of similar ages, also a single parent, and letting them do their own thing definitely works for having a harmonious holiday for all of us.
Hope that you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday 😃.

I'd give them a set time to be ready in the morning, and if they're not I'd go off with the youngest one and take the older ones phones with me. And definitely sod sorting out food for them at the end of the day. They're not babies.

Oh don’t be silly
this would be a complete bluff
how they teens these ages “pay back” the OP 🙄