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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

235 replies

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 14:35

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

OP posts:
friskery · 13/09/2025 15:15

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:11

Let me explain it again, it was a car park specifically for the shopping centre I was not going to. I needed street level. There was no way to do that. You’re welcome.

Could you not have exited through the shopping centre though? Or once you realised the car park was for the shopping centre and not the venue, just driven out and parked in the other car park?

It does sound annoying though, it's stressful when these things happen. It's annoying that your husband got the postcode wrong.
But it was also quite a straighforward problem to sort by you there, rather than calling your husband.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:15

Topseyt123 · 13/09/2025 15:13

Because you make yourself sound incapable of navigating these things in your first post. I'm clearly not alone in having the impression that you lack resilience.

You don’t make sense….

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:14

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:11

AIBU generally pulls of the harsher critics. It’s quite well known…. Some of the replies on here a bit OTT IMO. I’m ok to share that, aren’t I?

Honestly you’re making me laugh, you think the responses are ott, but your behaviour, was not, and was what, normal?

op, grownups get in the car, put the address in the sat nav, if it’s incorrect, change it, don’t forget where their car is and call their spouse repeatedly, have to ask passers by for help, complain about being tired as they got lost within a few mins radius, complain about having to carry a party bag and balloon with their child snd then demand an apology.

im suspecting you rely heavily on your husband to support you, that’s why you have such a mad situation where he even takes your phone, connects it, sets the sat nav and has to help you just to leave.

Wowzerdowzer · 13/09/2025 15:14

Your poor DH, you sound incredibly needy and very annoying. Nothing more unappealing.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:14

TeamBuffalo · 13/09/2025 15:14

Some people just aren't ready for grown-up activities, like having children or driving cars.

Necessary comment?

OP posts:
TeamBuffalo · 13/09/2025 15:14

Some people just aren't ready for grown-up activities, like having children or driving cars.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:14

Lanzarotelady · 13/09/2025 15:13

You're being dramatic

I am embarrassed for you

Have a nice day. Lanzarote lady.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:13

Anyahyacinth · 13/09/2025 15:11

Controversially I think if I was patronised by someone taking my phone to sort directions I would expect them to be right and if they weren’t I’d be annoyed and expect an apology. Getting close to the venue when you have pain is reasonable too. Not sure why you couldn’t move the car…had you already been charged?
Just take the learning and don’t trust his ‘efforts’ to be practical or helpful

Thank you. A measured response, sadly I thought it was just another entrance so didn’t doubt him.

OP posts:
Lanzarotelady · 13/09/2025 15:13

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:12

Didn’t say in the wrong. Said dramatic.

You're being dramatic

I am embarrassed for you

Topseyt123 · 13/09/2025 15:13

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:09

Who said I couldn’t read a map? Help me understand why you say this.

Because you make yourself sound incapable of navigating these things in your first post. I'm clearly not alone in having the impression that you lack resilience.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:12

ilovelamp82 · 13/09/2025 15:12

Your poor DH.

?

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:12

Lanzarotelady · 13/09/2025 15:11

Of course it is still everyone else who is in the wrong

Didn’t say in the wrong. Said dramatic.

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 13/09/2025 15:12

Your poor DH.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:11

Complet · 13/09/2025 15:10

You don’t want to be babied, but you can’t find your way out of a car park?

Let me explain it again, it was a car park specifically for the shopping centre I was not going to. I needed street level. There was no way to do that. You’re welcome.

OP posts:
Lanzarotelady · 13/09/2025 15:11

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:02

The irony of AIBU thread with the dramatic replies calling me dramatic. I do wonder why AIBU pulls in the most finger pointing and dramatic replies. Please keep going, cheering me up.

Of course it is still everyone else who is in the wrong

SoScarletItWas · 13/09/2025 15:11

You say ‘don’t baby me’ and yet you messaged DH four times while you were out? Including to find the car? Come on OP, even allowing for the fact that you’re tired with two wee kids, you’re much more capable than this.

Anyahyacinth · 13/09/2025 15:11

Controversially I think if I was patronised by someone taking my phone to sort directions I would expect them to be right and if they weren’t I’d be annoyed and expect an apology. Getting close to the venue when you have pain is reasonable too. Not sure why you couldn’t move the car…had you already been charged?
Just take the learning and don’t trust his ‘efforts’ to be practical or helpful

rubyslippers · 13/09/2025 15:11

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:07

What about not saying ‘oops my bad, sorry’ or something equivalent.

Your DH? He has nothing to say sorry for

Balayagequeen · 13/09/2025 15:11

I voted yabu.

If you are going somewhere, you must take responsibility for yourself getting there and for your route/journey.

When you realised the satnav had taken you to the wrong place, you could have pulled over and put in the correct place.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:11

Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:04

Wow.

‘op, am I unreasonable,
‘mumsnet, yes, outrageously so.
op, no I’m not so I’m going to hurl abuse at all of you too.

AIBU generally pulls of the harsher critics. It’s quite well known…. Some of the replies on here a bit OTT IMO. I’m ok to share that, aren’t I?

OP posts:
Complet · 13/09/2025 15:10

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:08

Who said I asked him to put say nav directions in? I didn’t. Hence why I said don’t baby me. AIBU strikes again. Angry people being angry.

You don’t want to be babied, but you can’t find your way out of a car park?

friskery · 13/09/2025 15:10

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:09

Who said I couldn’t read a map? Help me understand why you say this.

How did you get lost in the car park though and not manage to find your way from the shopping centre to the venue?

Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:10

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:08

Who said I asked him to put say nav directions in? I didn’t. Hence why I said don’t baby me. AIBU strikes again. Angry people being angry.

thr only irate and angry person is you. Your husband has done nothing wrong.

and your behaviour was so bad I had to read it a second time as I can’t even get my head round it, and all the woe is me, I was so tired from the driving, I had to get him to beep the car as I couldn’t find it, I had to carry my child and a ballon, so I repeatedly phoned my husband for help and shouted at him,

Titasaducksarse · 13/09/2025 15:09

You're not very resilient are you?

Lollytea655 · 13/09/2025 15:09

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:08

Who said I asked him to put say nav directions in? I didn’t. Hence why I said don’t baby me. AIBU strikes again. Angry people being angry.

And you couldn't have just set it yourself? Did he set the sat nav and then put it in a locked box to prevent you touching it?🤣

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