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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

235 replies

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 14:35

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:38

Tunnocksmallow · 13/09/2025 15:36

To answer the question in the title of if you’re disrespectful? Yes. Very. If you speak to your husband, in the same way you answer the posts on here, even the ones that are trying to be helpful.

Maybe have a little think about that.

I’d love to see where I’ve been rude to anyone being helpful.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:37

Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:36

op, you should leave the thread, you asked if your dh was right, as you were starting to think he was, people have told you yes, he is right, you’re now fighting everyone who dares suggest such a thing,

just hide the thread, you clearly don’t wish to accept you’re in thr wrong. You would have been better not to start it if you only wanted people to say your husband should apologise.

Classic troll response. You’ve left 6 comments on here. I’m not fighting people if they have the right information and are giving an opinion. I am calling people out who have taken my words and twisted them or just been plain unhelpful.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 13/09/2025 15:37

You had a crap day. It happens.

When you entered the shopping centre car park you should have exited into the shopping centre instead of going down industrial ramps etc. It wasn't what you wanted - a street exit - but that's usually how shopping centre parking works. Then you'd have gone out onto the street to the party and would have simply taken a lift back up to your level after the party. The way you exited the car park created most of your problems.

When you got home you'd have said to dh "hey you sent me to the wrong parking place" and he likely would have said "sorry about that"

Tunnocksmallow · 13/09/2025 15:36

To answer the question in the title of if you’re disrespectful? Yes. Very. If you speak to your husband, in the same way you answer the posts on here, even the ones that are trying to be helpful.

Maybe have a little think about that.

CaroleLandis · 13/09/2025 15:36

You are hard work and it’s absolutely ridiculous that you can’t plan your own journey or cope with walking a child back to your car.

As for expecting an apology from your poor husband that’s absurd and I wouldn’t be surprised that he gets fed up with you and the next time he put the directions in, he sends you to to Timbuktu!

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:36

Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:34

says the women saying a dark and dangerous ramp 🙃

Sorry?

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:36

op, you should leave the thread, you asked if your dh was right, as you were starting to think he was, people have told you yes, he is right, you’re now fighting everyone who dares suggest such a thing,

just hide the thread, you clearly don’t wish to accept you’re in thr wrong. You would have been better not to start it if you only wanted people to say your husband should apologise.

beAsensible1 · 13/09/2025 15:36

Why did you keep calling him? Pull over and look the place up or find closer parking using your eyes.

if you can’t manage carrying the toddler short distance take the pram. Even if you are unsure you are in car so you can have a contingency.

mad to keep calling him as if he could do anything about it.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:35

Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:33

I think for most people this would be defined as asking a passing man for help.🤦‍♀️

I asked a question about naming conventions for car parking levels as he held the door open for me in the stairwell. I did not ‘call a passing man for help’.

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:34

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:31

I clearly got out of the car park though didn’t I as my next sentence said I found a way. Problem solving abilities seem fine. Could only get out via an industrial delivery point and in via a dark and dangerous ramp for cars. Do you always dramatise things you’ve heard/read?

says the women saying a dark and dangerous ramp 🙃

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:34

Lollytea655 · 13/09/2025 15:22

Coming from the person who came “out the gates” to her partner fully accusatory and was unkind to him😂 pot kettle do you think?

Did I? Where did I write that. I messaged him to say it was the wrong car park which I couldn’t get out of. Was a FYI. Did you want me to lie? Not sure that’s coming straight at the gates fully accusatory.

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 13/09/2025 15:33

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:18

Didn’t ask a passing man to help me. Where did you get that from? I passed a service man in the stairwell who held the door open for me and when I saw the big number 2, I said is 1A up here? And he said no down on level 1, I said no I definitely went up a level. Don’t jump to conclusions pls.

I think for most people this would be defined as asking a passing man for help.🤦‍♀️

diddl · 13/09/2025 15:33

So he accidentally put in the wrong car park.

What was stopping you changing it & going to the right one?

Heidi2018 · 13/09/2025 15:32

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:21

Honestly, I’m fine but thank you, I just want to stick to facts and correct those who are wrong, also unnecessary unkindness and for what, I won’t stand for that. But I’m definitely not stressed.

Ok then let's stick to the facts.

You are being unreasonable. Your DH had nothing to apologise for. You owe him an apology for your behaviour though.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:32

Lollytea655 · 13/09/2025 15:22

Again, how strange coming from an OP who was themselves unnecessarily unkind to their partner. Bizarre

Unnecessarily is subjective.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:31

Complet · 13/09/2025 15:22

“Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level”

There was no need to repeat yourself, we can all read. You literally wrote that you ‘couldn’t get out carpark’. The only confusion is why you seem to be so incompetent and have no problem solving abilities. You’re welcome.

I clearly got out of the car park though didn’t I as my next sentence said I found a way. Problem solving abilities seem fine. Could only get out via an industrial delivery point and in via a dark and dangerous ramp for cars. Do you always dramatise things you’ve heard/read?

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:30

lovemyaussie · 13/09/2025 15:23

Actually I’m going to go against the grain slightly. If I had sent my DH to the wrong car park like that, I would be saying sorry. If he then ranted at me I would be annoyed, but I would definitely apologise first.
So, YANB completely U!

Right! Just say oooops I’m sorry. Tired 2 year old and physical pain, walking round in circles to get into car park then putting us in danger by entering via the ramp in a dark dirty car park is no fun. Even if unintended.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:28

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/09/2025 15:25

You can’t have this both ways…

If you want to have this breathtaking level of dependence on someone else to manage adult life, you cant then offload onto them when they make a small mistake. If you don’t want him to “baby” you, don’t be a baby.

As a grown adult with a child you really should be able to read a SATNAV and find your way out of a car park.

I read the satnav fine? Just want populated to the wrong car park. I found my way out the car park, thanks, just with difficulty as it isn’t destined to get anyone to street level. I’m perfectly independent. Do you always jump to wrong conclusions IRL or…?

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:27

WaryHiker · 13/09/2025 15:25

I'm perfectly independent and capable of looking after lots of children in difficult situations, but I might well have called my husband under the same circumstances when I was late and stressed and he had sent me to the wrong place. Why not? We're supposed to be a team and help each other.

I would definitely have apologised when I got home if I'd lost my temper with him, and he would have apologised for making an already difficult afternoon that bit more difficult, even if only inadvertently. Then we would have forgotten all about it and moved on.

Which it sounds as though you have. I wouldn't take too many of these comments to heart. None of what happened during one stressful afternoon proves you to be lacking in resilience or abusive or whatever. You just had a bad afternoon. It happens.

Thank you. Restored my faith in AIBU. It does make me wonder why people say unhelpful things, wondering how I get up and get dressed for example. Have a nice day.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:25

SpanishBaguette · 13/09/2025 15:24

If you're genuinely interested in kindness you should take on board what everyone has told you. Just because you made up, doesn't meant that you didnt' treat him badly.

I’m not sure I want to take on board ‘grow up OP’ and ‘get some grown up knickers’ unhelpful and unkind responses will not be taken on board. Others will. But thanks.

OP posts:
WaryHiker · 13/09/2025 15:25

I'm perfectly independent and capable of looking after lots of children in difficult situations, but I might well have called my husband under the same circumstances when I was late and stressed and he had sent me to the wrong place. Why not? We're supposed to be a team and help each other.

I would definitely have apologised when I got home if I'd lost my temper with him, and he would have apologised for making an already difficult afternoon that bit more difficult, even if only inadvertently. Then we would have forgotten all about it and moved on.

Which it sounds as though you have. I wouldn't take too many of these comments to heart. None of what happened during one stressful afternoon proves you to be lacking in resilience or abusive or whatever. You just had a bad afternoon. It happens.

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/09/2025 15:25

You can’t have this both ways…

If you want to have this breathtaking level of dependence on someone else to manage adult life, you cant then offload onto them when they make a small mistake. If you don’t want him to “baby” you, don’t be a baby.

As a grown adult with a child you really should be able to read a SATNAV and find your way out of a car park.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:24

LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 15:24

You honestly wonder how some people get up in the morning and put their clothes on the right way around without detailed instructions and someone to blame when it’s too hard.

Explain further please?

OP posts:
LaundryGarden · 13/09/2025 15:24

You honestly wonder how some people get up in the morning and put their clothes on the right way around without detailed instructions and someone to blame when it’s too hard.

SpanishBaguette · 13/09/2025 15:24

If you're genuinely interested in kindness you should take on board what everyone has told you. Just because you made up, doesn't meant that you didnt' treat him badly.