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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

235 replies

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 14:35

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 13/09/2025 16:27

And then I checked Google maps and it was a 5 minute walk away!
And....

TheHillIsMine · 13/09/2025 16:26

Did everyone else read all of that nonsense? 🥱

TheCurious0range · 13/09/2025 16:25

Why was your 2 year old tired after a five minute walk from the carpark to the party?! Does he not walk often? This is insane

BauhausOfEliott · 13/09/2025 16:24

You got massively worked up over nothing and then nitpicked at your DH who didn’t really do anything wrong, all because you apparently couldn’t accomplish a very normal task without him while he was busy with your other kid? Sorry, yeah, YABVU.

Look, I’m dyspraxic and I have severe - and I mean severe - difficulties with navigation and spatial memory. Like, off the scale bad. So I do understand how stressful it is when you’re lost and rushing. But you’ve hugely overreacted to everything here and I feel really sorry for your DH.

stayathomer · 13/09/2025 16:23

You got stressed, then you both had an argument. You were both just in the thick of it. Normal in parentland, just sit down and chill together tonight and laugh about it x

littleorangefox · 13/09/2025 16:21

Smittenkitchen · 13/09/2025 16:01

Don't quite understand the carpark situation but why didn't you have a pushchair with you?

I wouldn't have taken one either for an almost 3 year old to walk for a few minutes tbh. My recently turned 3 year old has been walking to school and back to collect her older siblings (with us 😂) since the beginning of the year and it's a mile each way sometimes uphill. I understand not all children are the same but I would have thought a child of that age could have managed a 5 minute walk?

sugarapplelane · 13/09/2025 16:21

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:07

What about not saying ‘oops my bad, sorry’ or something equivalent.

He didn’t have anything to apologise for though
Come on - you’re a big girl now with children. It seems like you haven’t got much resilience and find life hard. Is that the case? The things you encountered over the day in question are such small stumbling blocks. Anyone should be able to find strategies to cope and overcome them.
Have you been babied throughout your life?

Confusdworriedmum · 13/09/2025 16:20

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:30

Right! Just say oooops I’m sorry. Tired 2 year old and physical pain, walking round in circles to get into car park then putting us in danger by entering via the ramp in a dark dirty car park is no fun. Even if unintended.

Unless your DH told you to walk up the ramp then it was you who put yourself and your son in danger.
You obviously believe you weren't unreasonable so why bother to ask?

Rosscameasdoody · 13/09/2025 16:19

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:57

HALLELUJAH. Exactly, what an over reaction some posters portray, and then every other post in between at the start was saying I was being dramatic. Beggars belief.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who sees it.

I see it too OP. Being saying it for ages.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/09/2025 16:18

Vaguelyclassical · 13/09/2025 14:54

Learn to read a map! (A sadly disappearing skill.)

And a skill that not everyone can master. Sorry but it’s a scientific fact that men are better at it than women.

bumbaloo · 13/09/2025 16:17

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:07

What about not saying ‘oops my bad, sorry’ or something equivalent.

Ok. So he could do that, not because he actually did anything wrong but just because you seem to want that.

But what you did is SO much worse yet you appear to have no remorse , intention to apologise and seem to feel entitled to behave the way you did

he didn’t do anything wrong yet you think he should apologise. You did do stuff wrong yet you feel justified. 🫤

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 13/09/2025 16:14

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:21

Honestly, I’m fine but thank you, I just want to stick to facts and correct those who are wrong, also unnecessary unkindness and for what, I won’t stand for that. But I’m definitely not stressed.

I know it's early but can I offer you a 🍷and one for your DP too, sounds like you are both a bit fraught. And the sun's over the yardarm .

FWIW I've enjoyed reading how you've handled yourself on this thread. If you have any free time could I suggest that the England cricket team sign you up because you've done a magnificent job of batting back some of these interesting replies you've had!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 13/09/2025 16:14

It's normal to get stressed sometimes but your reaction towards your DH wasn't fair. He tried to help, got it wrong and bore the brunt of your frustrations. If you were stuck, you should have pulled over and re-navigated, or asked for directions.

I'm glad you've made up but try not to let the little things become big things - it's not worth it Flowers

londongirl12 · 13/09/2025 16:14

YABU and horrible to your DH. Sort your own directions out next time if you know best.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 13/09/2025 16:13

Reading the OP anyone'd think you'd been left alone to trek across the Sahara without the camel.

Your husband is right, you were disrespectful to him, and going by your responses on this thread, that's your default position.

bumbaloo · 13/09/2025 16:13

Yep. You are so out of line. He did what I presume you both work to and this time the satnav wasn’t helpful. He didn’t do anything wrong. Had he put the party address in and that caused a problem for you finding a car park, you’d be on here complaining that he should have put a car park in.

there are mistakes and there are just unfortunate outcomes. This is just an unfortunate outcome and you’ve expected apologies and shouted at him.

you need to do some humble pie eating and if I was him I’d leave the sat nav to you in future so you can’t blame him

Lanzarotelady · 13/09/2025 16:11

Username974338884 · 13/09/2025 15:53

Yet ANOTHER AIBU thread with VULGAR women responding.

“grow up”
”you need to work on yourself”
“I am embarrassed for you”

you are not going to ever get a kind or simple response from a bunch of anonymous people who come on here to let out their anger on others because they are unhappy in their own lives.

Honest advice, I think DH was just trying to be helpful. It didn’t work out, it is annoying but not his fault. I’d apologise for calling him to shout at him (it’s easy when you are stressed to take it out on other) and move on. x

I am not unhappy in my own life at all.
I am in a well paid job, mortgage free, great sex life, regular breaks and 4 foreign holidays a year

itsgettingweird · 13/09/2025 16:08

WaryHiker · 13/09/2025 15:25

I'm perfectly independent and capable of looking after lots of children in difficult situations, but I might well have called my husband under the same circumstances when I was late and stressed and he had sent me to the wrong place. Why not? We're supposed to be a team and help each other.

I would definitely have apologised when I got home if I'd lost my temper with him, and he would have apologised for making an already difficult afternoon that bit more difficult, even if only inadvertently. Then we would have forgotten all about it and moved on.

Which it sounds as though you have. I wouldn't take too many of these comments to heart. None of what happened during one stressful afternoon proves you to be lacking in resilience or abusive or whatever. You just had a bad afternoon. It happens.

But I think the question really is

would you have come to AIBU and bad tempered and when posters say “yes, YABU” start to snap the heads off of said posters to prove that in fact you don't your temper unnecessarily.

We all get stressed - especially when lost and trying to get somewhere in time.

Most of is apologise.

The bit I don’t get is OP has made up with her DH but is irrationally annoyed with us all for not saying he’s unreasonable when it’s over.

Sometimes MN is like being in the toddler room at nursery 😂

Equimum · 13/09/2025 16:08

Are you feeling stressed/ burnt out in general at the moment? I know I've sometimes been a bit like this with my DH, and for me, it's always a signal that I need to look at what is really going on. It doesn't excuse the behaviour, but might be worth a thought OP.

BoredZelda · 13/09/2025 16:07

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:07

What about not saying ‘oops my bad, sorry’ or something equivalent.

I get you OP. My DH is also very bad for not even having the slightest remorse when his fuck ups make things much harder for me. I suspect this isn’t one issue, but is part of a pattern and today really got to you. You are not unreasonable for being annoyed. Of course there were things you could have done differently, but he should also recognise his part in the mess.

DidIForgetPEAgain · 13/09/2025 16:04

This is mad. Can’t believe it’s not a reverse. OP do you have form with directions? He asked if you’d find your way back ok? Why did you not check the map before you got out of the car? I think your DH deserves the apology

arcticpandas · 13/09/2025 16:03

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:57

HALLELUJAH. Exactly, what an over reaction some posters portray, and then every other post in between at the start was saying I was being dramatic. Beggars belief.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who sees it.

I think none of you are unreasonable. Your dh had good intentions and tried to help you out. You were very stressed and tired over not finding your way (it does sound complicated). I can relate to the fatigue when the children are young but none of you should take it out on the other person. You're a team and noone acted maliciously here.

Smittenkitchen · 13/09/2025 16:01

Don't quite understand the carpark situation but why didn't you have a pushchair with you?

MayaPinion · 13/09/2025 16:01

I’m guessing you are you are nobody’s Emergency Contact. If you’re like this over a minor inconvenience I dread to think what you’re like in an actual crisis.

Username974338884 · 13/09/2025 16:01

I think you can disagree with someone without being down right rude to them