Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex has left his cat behind

89 replies

ForNoisyCat · 13/09/2025 13:32

Don’t know what to do about cat that ex has dumped on me. Keeps saying he’s arranging transport but nothing happens. Already have a cat n a dog, and could do either out the extra one. She’s sweet but rarely comes in and is still nervous of my cat n dog. Ex is too far away to simply take her to his door. My adult children will probably think im wicked if we don’t keep her and I’d hate her to sit in a cage indefinitely waiting to be picked out by another new owner (she originally came from rescue). Keep her?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
PotatoLove · 15/09/2025 14:12

DangerousAlchemy · 15/09/2025 08:13

Straw not hay. Straw is for strays and hay is for horses is how I remember it.

Show quote history

Ahh..yes, thank you for clarifying 😊

Hopingtobeaparent · 15/09/2025 13:53

Hopingtobeaparent · 15/09/2025 13:34

In all seriousness, OP, probably this. She’s already been through trauma, and is not comfortable. You know your ex isn’t going to follow through, you don’t want the extra animal, please find it a new, loving, forever home.

Show quote history

Ahh, sorry, OP, hadn’t seen all the updates.

She’s beautiful! And looks like she had a nice temperament. Good that she may be getting a bit more comfortable, a bit braver, I’m sure they’ll come to some sort of agreement.

Good idea for the outdoor house though. She may be too scared to eat indoors for a while…

Good luck and well done! Glad something good may come out of the relationship breakdown.

Hopingtobeaparent · 15/09/2025 13:34

Rallentanda · 13/09/2025 13:59

It's not really a happy life for a cat if they're too uncomfortable to come in. Rehoming would be kinder surely?

In all seriousness, OP, probably this. She’s already been through trauma, and is not comfortable. You know your ex isn’t going to follow through, you don’t want the extra animal, please find it a new, loving, forever home.

Hopingtobeaparent · 15/09/2025 13:31

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/09/2025 13:53

Agree, id just keep her tbh

Yabu not to provide us with a photo 🥰

Show quote history

😂

DangerousAlchemy · 15/09/2025 08:13

PotatoLove · 14/09/2025 22:10

Lots of people have outdoor cat houses for either their own cats or for any strays they are feeding etc. Apparently, hay is the best bedding ☺️

Show quote history

Straw not hay. Straw is for strays and hay is for horses is how I remember it.

ForMauveUser · 15/09/2025 07:51

Keeping her should only be on the table if you genuinely feel you can manage.
What would be unfair is stretching yourself thin and ending up resentful, or giving your current pets a stressful environment.

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 15/09/2025 07:46

Keep the cat! My ex left his cat with me and she gave me and my subsequent family years of happiness. She lived to 19 and we split when she was 3!

Gettingbysomehow · 14/09/2025 22:30

None of my adopted ferals ever stayed outside. They all decided they preferred the indoor life. Took some of them a while but in they came. Ex ferals always look kind of shifty though 😀

PotatoLove · 14/09/2025 22:10

cupfinalchaos · 14/09/2025 19:07

In the freezing winter?

Show quote history

Lots of people have outdoor cat houses for either their own cats or for any strays they are feeding etc. Apparently, hay is the best bedding ☺️

Margaritadarling · 14/09/2025 21:13

The rescue we got our little lord and master from, will take a rescue back in fact they will demand it!
I would look into maybe getting a little outside house/kennel. Insulation etc, we were going to do that with an allotment feral we were feeding, but it’s not been back for a week or so.
We were going to TNR .

Iheartmysmart · 14/09/2025 20:42

It looks like the black cat distribution system is in full swing! I took on this little one who was found in the barn at the stables where my sister’s friend keeps her horse. The vet thinks she’s about 9 weeks old so hopefully she’s young enough to settle into a home environment. She’s certainly enjoying the sofa.

Ex has left his cat behind
catlover123456789 · 14/09/2025 20:29

Keep her!!!

Gettingbysomehow · 14/09/2025 19:48

He's dumped the cat on you. He does t care about her. My ex did the same. I was so much happier with his cat than I ever was with him.

diddl · 14/09/2025 19:44

She's gorgeous!

Hope it works out.

We have a cat & a dog & have a tower inside for the cat so it can get away from the dog!

Or he's allowed on our bed with the door closed (sleeps most of the day)

She might want to come in more as it's getting colder.

That said ours still sleeps outside in minus temps.

He's only 3 though.

Just rambling here!😊

BlurryEyesAndChubbyThighs · 14/09/2025 19:40

Dear ex . You have 48 hours to collect your cat if not it will be going to a shelter to be re homed.

Original poster
ForNoisyCat · 14/09/2025 19:39

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 14/09/2025 09:16

Lovely that she curled up with you. She is adjusting to her new home.

Could you get her an outdoor cat house, so she has somewhere dry /warm to go to during the day?

I had an outdoor cat house years ago that the old cat didn’t use! I’ll get a new one and give it ago. Thanks for the tip.

OP posts:
schtompy · 14/09/2025 19:35

Either keep her or return her to the rescue she came from, explaining what has happened. Obv inform him.

tripleginandtonic · 14/09/2025 19:14

Keep her if you can, given you already have pets.

Olderbutt · 14/09/2025 19:10

Keep the poor Kitty 😺 and claim maintenance payments!

cupfinalchaos · 14/09/2025 19:07

PotatoLove · 14/09/2025 18:45

Thank you for keeping her OP. She's gorgeous. I'm sure she'll settle after a while.

Try to get an outdoor cat home for her if you can.

In the freezing winter?

Overtheatlantic · 14/09/2025 18:52

She’s beautiful! Just to note that this is the time of year to start keeping your black cats close to home. And some shelters pause adoption of them closer to Halloween. 🐈‍⬛😻

PotatoLove · 14/09/2025 18:45

Thank you for keeping her OP. She's gorgeous. I'm sure she'll settle after a while.

Try to get an outdoor cat home for her if you can.

Sharptonguedwoman · 14/09/2025 18:43

OP please can you check if she's spayed? Apologies if I missed it if you said. Kittens in the mix might not be on your Christmas list.

Lavenderblue11 · 14/09/2025 18:23

ForNoisyCat · 13/09/2025 16:55

Piccy below- sorry I haven’t got her whole head in

Aww, she's gorgeous 😍 💕

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 14/09/2025 16:38

Keep her 😻
it may take a time. It she will get used to your dog and cat. Just introduce them slowly and she will be fine