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Original poster

If you have ghosted a friend after a major life event, why did you do it and how do you feel about it now?

204 replies

NewHome2026 · 13/09/2025 10:29

Seems to be pretty common - something life changing happens (a break up or divorce usually in my experience anyway) and suddenly people ghost friends they have had for decades right when you would have thought they would have been in the most need of support. It’s happened to me, my husband, my sister in law, my mum, a work colleague - everyone seems to have a story of this and I find it so strange and hurtful.

They are flaky on meeting up, they don’t reply in the group chat, they are suddenly always “busy” and you realise a year or more has gone by without you talking and are you even o anymore?

After a while I suppose it gets too awkward to reach out but I always think it is just so sad.

If you have done this, what made you do it? How do you feel about it now? Do you ever think about getting back in touch, and would you apologise?

OP posts:
TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 10:55

NewHome2026 · 13/09/2025 10:49

Why would you not apologise? A friend reaches out to go and you ignore them for months, sometimes years and cancel meet ups etc - do you not see that is a hurtful thing to do? I think most people are understanding that someone might want space i’m not talking about a few weeks, I’m talking about people who cut off contact randomly altogether - or like DH’s friend, move away without telling anyone and just stop talking to anyone from his “old life”

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I've also done that, just upped and moved, more than once.

Basically I think I'm too selfish to have to deal with others emotions about my situation. I did that when I had a massive tragedy in my teens and I won't do it again.

I don't really feel I should have to apologise for doing what I can to keep myself sane when dealing with a lot, and, generally, I wouldn't be back in touch with someone I cut out anyway.

I'm aware that this is a me problem, and that's why I choose not to have friends anymore.

Original poster
NewHome2026 · 13/09/2025 10:49

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 10:36

I've done this, one of the main reasons I don't bother with people anymore, I'm not very good with friendships.

If I have something going on in my life I can't deal with people constantly wanting information, or passing on information, or discussing it or doing the old head tilt pity thing.

I like to withdraw and deal with things myself, and, understandably, people get pissed off with that.

I don't really feel any type of way about it, and I wouldn't apologise.

Why would you not apologise? A friend reaches out to go and you ignore them for months, sometimes years and cancel meet ups etc - do you not see that is a hurtful thing to do? I think most people are understanding that someone might want space i’m not talking about a few weeks, I’m talking about people who cut off contact randomly altogether - or like DH’s friend, move away without telling anyone and just stop talking to anyone from his “old life”

OP posts:
OverlyFragrant · 13/09/2025 10:41

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 10:36

I've done this, one of the main reasons I don't bother with people anymore, I'm not very good with friendships.

If I have something going on in my life I can't deal with people constantly wanting information, or passing on information, or discussing it or doing the old head tilt pity thing.

I like to withdraw and deal with things myself, and, understandably, people get pissed off with that.

I don't really feel any type of way about it, and I wouldn't apologise.

Completely the same.

The way I see it, my stresses are for me. I don't have the headspace to think about friend when dealing with bereavement, break ups, family messes etc. I just need to focus on me and my little bubble.

Thankfully, I have a few friends who understand and are similar. I don't take it personally in the slightest. I actually had a message off a friend this morning, she's been quiet for a few weeks so I knew something was up. Turns out major issues with a druggie in the family. And like a friend I listened, understood and bitched with her. Back to normal now, she can focus on things again.

No biggie.

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 10:36

I've done this, one of the main reasons I don't bother with people anymore, I'm not very good with friendships.

If I have something going on in my life I can't deal with people constantly wanting information, or passing on information, or discussing it or doing the old head tilt pity thing.

I like to withdraw and deal with things myself, and, understandably, people get pissed off with that.

I don't really feel any type of way about it, and I wouldn't apologise.

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