DD cruelly dumped by BF

Please don’t make yourself feel like that mate.
I haven’t read the whole thread but I am sure a lot of people have made you feel terrible, but I bet a lot of other people have made you think about your feelings, have given good advice and actually do give a shit.
Please take away the caring stuff, not the shitty stuff.
And by the way, I am sure you want the prat dead. But you cannot protect her forever. She, like you is, woman, hear me roar, She will get hurt, unfortunately, that’s life x

Good God what is wrong with people! You were going to send him a poem?! I’m glad you’ve been persuaded not to! As hard as it is, this is not your life, not your fight!
Just wow! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Please don’t send this.

Go for it.

It's not nice you feel that way, but I do think you could do some work on your emotional resilience. Who cares what a bunch of strangers on the internet think of you? Byt anyway, surely embarrassing yourself on MN is worth it if it stops you embarrassing yourself in real life? Spend time with your daughter and help her feel better, rather than 'crawling into a hole'.

As a side note, I know she's decided not to do it. And that's great.

One of my friends well, acquaintances really came to me a while ago and said that her mother had been writing her ex husband and all his family letters and emails during the divorce. These things never have the impact they think you will.

If I received a letter from any of my ex's mothers, I just be really bemused, it wouldn't impact my feelings at all. It wouldn't make me think I Don somebody a great disservice. I just think there was something wrong with them for doing it in the first place and not just letting go.

Anyway, the consequences were during the divorce with these letters, and there were only 2 or 3, they were handed to the judge during crucial hearings about the children and contact. Because that's when the letters were sent. They were always sent around times of crucial hearings. And they were stapled to the court order, and there was talk of banning the grandparents contact with their children, because they're clearly hostile towards one set of the parents.

There was an actual talk of making an application to the court, to bar the grandparents to see their grandchildren because of these abusive letters and also bringing harassment charges.

I know what was proposed here was in no way as extreme, but just be aware, any unwanted contact can be considered harassment.

A friend of mine sent a poem that she'd sprayed with her perfume to her recent ex once she heard he was seeing someone new. She got upset when he sent it back in the post but when I asked couldn't explain what she expected him to do with it and how she thought he might feel about it.

I don't think expressing yourself via poetry to uninterested recipients is ever a good idea but particularly not when you're inserting yourself into someone else's breakup and that's only increased by you being the mum of one of the adults involved.

Thank God you changed your mind Op!!

For the love of God, no no no! You will be the subject of his ridicule for years to come, the mother of his ex who wrote him a poem! Please do not do this!

I’m not sure, if I received bad poetry from an ex’s parent, my toes would curl in embarrassment, for them for writing it, and even worse sending it, the ex for being so devastated a parent got involved, and me that I was ever involved with a family like that where they thought that was ok, so I’d be embarassed for all of us, but yes I’d assume that the ex was utterly devastated snd the parent was overly involved and had signficant issues. Either way I’d find it really really disturbing.

Oh my giddy aunt. DO NOT send him a poem you’ve written.

Your focus needs to be 100% on her. John who? He is a nobody now, just some bloke she’s better off without. He’s show. Her who he is and that is a gift because she won’t end up married or with children with him 25 is a perfect perfect age to be single for a few years, travel, have fun and then still meet someone at 27/28 possibly to not feel rushed into the marriage and kids thing.

I was a little bit older, 29, when my shitty long term boyfriend cheated and dumped me. I was a mess. Telling people we’d get back together one day and it was temporary etc. I couldn’t imagine life without him.

Thank god! I’d easily have stayed with him and got married and it was less than I am worth. I travelled and connected with friends, then met an amazing man (more quickly than I expected!).

also I’m certain my parents would have loved to have given him what-for and a slap round the face. But they didn’t.

All you will tell him is that your daughter isn't over him and that she needs her mum to fight her battles.

The best thing to do in a breakup is to go completely silent.

There is a dignity in silence that no amount of words can convey.

You realise it will probably boost his ego if he is that sort of person anyway? He will most likely be splitting his face laughing as she screws it up and hurls it in the bin, congratulating himself on how's he's managed to destroy someone. It's massively overstepping and not your place to send it. If my mum had done that I would have been livid. and embarrassed.

Please do not send it.

Bless you…Absolutely not for reasons given above. Sounds like your daughter had a lucky escape from this worm of a man. Focus on building up her confidence, focus on other areas of her life. he’s done her a favour and shown her how she wants to be treated in future by someone who deserves her.

I agree there's no need to keep on at her but I must admit I do wonder why the knee jerk reaction was to write bad poetry to send to the ex.

I mean, if the OP had said she wanted to call him up and shout at him I think we'd all understand that. But poetry isn't a normal go to reaction for a situation like this.

I mean what else is acceptable, an angry performance using the medium of dance in front of his house, a robust puppet show with sharp rhetoric or perhaps a forthright collage depicting the intense layers of emotional reactions?

Her daughter can do all these things, it's her emotion and her pain, the OPs job is to support her through it and help her see there's light at the end of the tunnel not ramp up the drama.

Its horrible when your kids have been dumped.
I remember ds being dumped when he was d1. He lost so much weight and was absolutely distraught.
You want to do something but there's nothing you can do except be there and listen while he gradually goes through different emotions before emerging back to his old self.

Even his poem in the anonymous Valentine’s Day card he sent was better than the one in the OP.

Pandora
I adore ya
I implore ye
Don’t ignore me

OP did you and your daughter feature in a recent Netflix documentary?

Where is there any evidence of abuse??!

Please do not give this young man and his friends something to laugh about. Your DD will be highly likely to find out and will be a laughing stock by proxy. There's difficult feelings when our children are hurt, and its great you can get them out in writing, but these things are best kept private as this man will sneer and belittle you for your feelings and actions if you send it to him.

I received a WhatsApp from the mother of DD's ex boyfriend blaming her for the break up, as she hadn't been supportive enough to her apparently perfect son. Never told DD.

The saga continued as they got back together, and then he dumped her again, so that was nice 😡

3 years ago our DD was in the same situation. Everyone told her she'd bounce back, that's hard to believe when your heart is broken.
However she learned from the abuse in her past relationship and she really has bounced back. She has a lovely, kind and respectful fiance now and seems to have truly found her soulmate.
Have faith in your DD, she's got this.

No no no!! Just focus on your daughter. Before an action think what am I seeking to gain.. he won’t give a shit he might even laugh. Why give him the opportunity. Focus on your child.

Totally agree

We are so protective of our children and hate to see them hurt and it was a knee jerk reaction that the OP realized she shouldn't do

No need to keep on and on at her